Thursday, April 24, 2008

Stuck in the kitchen

One of the things about taking the train to work is it forces you to think. Whether you like it or not you will have 45 minutes with nothing to do but look out the window and let your mind wander. Sometimes that's good and sometimes it's not so good.

Today as I sat and pondered my life I was thinking about different metaphors for how I always seem to wind up in the same situation over and over. Basically I see a girl that I like I can usually become a significant part of their life, but never they way I intended. Maybe that's God looking out for me because they must not be the right one for me. But back to the metaphor. It's like I am this stray puppy that girls see and they take home, but never let out of the kitchen.

I mean I met Lisa 10 years ago and I felt this unbelievable attraction when I saw her. We became as close as anyone could but we never got past the friendship thing. It has happened more times than I can count. I can go all the way back to high school and how I held a torch for my next door neighbor, Winnie. We became close friends even after high school to the point where when she did get married I was the oldest friend she sent an invitation too for her wedding. No one from out high school was there.  Then there was Eileen ... another girl I saw from across a crowded room and ended up close enough to attend her wedding after she met the right guy who was not me. I can still remember meeting Janet more than 5 years ago and wanting to see her. Now we talk almost every day. And she calls me... but we could never  be anything but friends. She put that wall up and I will never get to climb over it.

Is this where I'm headed again with Coleen? If you read all the old entries you can see how I was when I first met her. I felt something and I know she did too. But here I am again metaphorically in the kitchen wondering if I'll ever get to be in the rest of the house. I must have some kind of irresistible quality that will only get me so far. I wish I find a way to get past this. Maybe this can be the week.

I really need to find something else to do on the train.

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