Sunday, December 30, 2007

Maybe not such a lost weekend after all

I was feeling better so at areounf 3:30 I headed out the door and made it into the bar to watch football. I got there and of course Jami and Chris are ther and Linnie was behind the bar. I thought I would just have a beer or two and go home for dinner.

I was actually enjoying the game when just before halftime in strolls Coleen. (With one "l" ... before I thought it was with 2). So she says hello to everyone before she noticed me there. She gave me a nice hello and mentioned to me how I'd been missed while I was home sick the last 2 days. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and wished me Merry Christmas. So we talked and somehow we exchanged phone numbers. But then she mentions how my wife would be upset if she called ... I'm answering "wife? what wide? I'm divorced longer than you are." She somehow thought I might be married and was just feeling me out. Somehow from there we were playing with text messaging on our cell phones when suddenly she said she needed to go. And out the door she went.

Obviously I'm trying to make more of this than there is. If something happens I'll be as shocked as anyone. Still she must know I'm interested by now. Still the best advice I've gotten is to just come right out and say how I feel.

To be continued.....

A lost weekend

Been home the entire weekend. I've been dealing with a cold for the second time this month. I missed drinks with Lisa and some our mutual friends ... okay so they are really her friends but I know most of them. Then last night we postponed the Christmas dinner with Janet and Roberta and others. Roberta is just as sick as I am. So now I don't when that will happen.

So my entire weekend has been spent inside. That's pretty much been my Christmas season. Mostly spent by myself. No parties, barely making it out into the world for anything. I feel so old. Like I'm done. I just hope it's just a temporary thing. That I will soon have better days. At least I know most of my friends seem to miss me. I just hope I can have a little fun on New Years Eve. If I don't feel better I may just skip that too.

I also missed out on seeing my parents before they left for Florida on Saturday morning. I was afraid to see dad with a cold. I wouldn't want to take a chance on him coming down with anything. He suffers from emphyzema and a mere sniff of a cold puts him in an oxygen tent in ICU. So I stayed in.

So I'm watching Sideways on TV. There is a moment in that movie where they all have a picnic with wine at sunset. Brings me to my boat when I've had a few moments close to that. The only thing really missing is the falling in love part.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Here comes the weekend

I've been trying write this all day. I'm down with a cold so it's been diffecult to stay on top of things very long.

Now that Christmas is over now I can look forward to New Year's. I have quite a bit planned and being under the weather it's iffy as to whether I'll get to anything. Tonight is Friday but I think I'm staying in so I can feel better for the rest of the weekend.

Last night I went to see Lisa at her house. I was starting to feel the start of a head cold in the middle of the day and considered cancelling but we haven't seen each other in so long I felt I needed to make it. So I went even though I was very uncomfortable and really was looking forward to going home to bed. I only stayed until 9:30 and got home at 10 and went right to bed. Exciting- huh?

The rest of the weekend should be better.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry Christmas

This is the entire family at Christmas Eve dinner. That's me in the back row third from the left standing next to dad. It was a fun night.

I managed to get my shopping done. Barely. Then on the way home from shopping Sunday night my car engine blew. Smoke and horrible smell. I was literally 2 blocks from my door. So now I have another car. I will tell the rest of this story in a later blog.

I was unable to get together with Lisa at all. To much going on made it impossible to find a time we could stop and have our annual Christmas egg nog. I guess that really ended last year anyway.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Getting through Christmas one day at a time.

Sorry - no new pictures today. No pictures until after Christmas. I got out with Janet and Roberta the lasy 2 evenings. Nothing big. Just doing what we always do. Drinking in a bar. Got home early too. I've been home watching tv since 8:30.

Lisa called me a while I was out. Seems like the only conversations we have occur while she is in her car driving somewhat and I have only minutes to say anything. Not really feeling the love. I guess Carmine is priority now. I mentioned this to Roberta who really tore into me. I just feel like Lisa is forcing this relationship to be more than it really is. Perhaps I'm just jealous and Roberta is right.

As long as I feel that way I am a little uncomfortable making any plans with Lisa. She's been asking about getting together before Christmas and I've been avoiding committing to anything.

I stopped at my sister's this afternoon to see me niece Katie and nephew Max who are back from being away at school in Geneseo. It seems that Kaie's boyfriend Sean broke up with her yesterday. She was crying in her room. I talked to her and maybe I made her feel better.


This is Katie on a better day.

Monday, December 17, 2007

How is Lisa?

Lisa sent me some pictures from her night out with Carmine. They went into New York and saw the tree at Rockefeller Center. They are spending more and more time together so I see Lisa less and less. Even though I want to be happy for her new found love life I am still feeling a little left behind and jealous. The only consulation I have is that I am keeping busy with other friends and barely miss her. Carmine really does love Lisa. He treats her far better than any other guy she has been with before.

Last Friday Lisa asked me to delete and email address that belonged to her sister Ellen. I was a little uncomfortable doing it but I did it, no questions asked. It seems that Ellen's husband Frank was snooping into Ellen's privacy, mostly because in the past she hasn't been the faithful wife. She was having an affair with her boss where she works about 2 years ago. She got caught when Frank hacked into her email.

So my deleting her email means he is suspisciously looking at her emails again. So is she cheating again? Why else would she be hiding her emails? It's so sad how there is no trust anymore. I really want to limit my involvment.

What really scares me is Lisa's attitude is similar. I don't think she has ever really looked at her relationships as exclusive. Most of the guys she has been with have something else going on. Either a wife, a fiance, a girlfriend they live with or an ex-wife they aren't quite divorced from. And Lisa seemed to prefer that. This always worked fine for me becuase it usually left her Saturday's available to spend with me.

So that's what makes the last few weekends so unusual. She has been spending her entire weekends with Carmine. It might be the first real healthy relationship she's had since I know her. But lately I see cracks in the armour. She was chatting with me about how uncomfortable she is with someone there around the clock. She wants to have a Christmas drink and invite all her "other" friends. Mostly guys she likes. I'm curious to see how she handles the next few weeks. It's better for me if I stay away.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

It's Saturday

Last night was about what I expected. Talked to everyone. Nothing much happened. Mike PC was there. Janet, Jamie and Roberta too. Stayed out too late, spent too much money and still went home alone without getting any new connections. Saw Colleen and she's obviously not as interested in me at all. She was there only for an hour or so. I bought her a drink at least. I did find out some new things though. She is divorced and once lived in Atlanta. She is back 5 years which I can only assume means that's when her marriage ended. She also has a boyfriend who she seems to like a lot. She is a smoker. She got her cigarettes out and she was going outside to smoke one when she asked me if I smoke, I said no. I almost wished I'd said yes but that's just stupid, right. I thought there went my chance for a real one-on-one conversation. But you know what... if she really liked me we would have that without me smoking. I'll just let it go. I'll just be "Mike The Friend" like I always am.

I did manage to get one good picture of Janet and Roberta

I left at the same time as Janet. But we didn't have a long goodbye... just a "c'ya tomorrow" and poof she was gone. Roberta was still there with her daughter Tara and Tara's husband Chris. I don't know what I'm doing tonight... maybe staying in.   

I also went to the boat to check on it and see the lights....

It's really hard to see the lights when they put huge spotlights on the water but at least I can tell if the power is on without opening up the boat.

Lisa .... she was in NYC with Carmine last night. She was telling about some stuff with her sister yesterday. That's going to have to be another entry.

Friday, December 14, 2007

It's Friday

Poor Tigger scratching at the door to go outside and play. But it's snowing and icy.

It's been a week from hell. I had a plan to see Janet on Thursday night. I was down to my last few dollars until I got paid on Thursday. So I thought I had it worked out pretty well. I needed gas in the car but I'd be working from home on Wednesday so I figured I had enough to make it back and forth to the train 2 times and not go anywhere on Wednesday and I could get gas on Thursday.

Everything was working out well right up until Thursday. It started to snow around 11 so at 11:30 I thought I better go and while I was out I should stop at the grocery store. Yeah ... I had no food in the house either. So I put my empty deposit bottles in the car and start it up. Then I get out and scrape the ice off the windows. It took about 5 minutes. I get in and put in gear and it stalls. Uh-oh. Yeah - that's right. No gas. I had to walk in the sleet/snow to the gas station gas and a gas can to put it in. Took a couple of hours.

Meanwhile I'm missing work and they are looking for me. So I get all that done and get back to work ... It's like 2:30. I missed a little but I managed to catch up pretty quickly. Mostly I'm concerned because now I have an unexplained absence. I'll work through that.

But it's still snowing and it's getting real icy. I have to blow off Janet because I just have no confidence that I can make it home again once I go out. I really wish I had a new car. My car is 11 years old and it's been a hard 11 years. If I had money I would for sure be getting another car.

I was really looking forward to getting out. So now it's Friday and Janet says she has a wake to go to. I guess I'll catch up with her at some point. Not that we are dating. Maybe I'll get to talk to Colleen again.

If I don't get the chance to blog tomorrow it's probably a good thing. It's means I'm living the life and not whining about it.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Sunday doings

So I spent my Saturday night with my sister's family to celebrate my nephew Charlie's 16th birthday. It was okay and not much more to add to that. So I felt like I could get out a little on Sunday. Believe it or not Roberta called me Sunday to see if I wanted to come to have a drink with her and anyone else who might show up.

It turned into a really good time. There were more peoplr out than on friday night. All i expected was to lay low at home and watch football. But wait it gets better ... first some of the pictures;

Janet drinking a beer. She never has beer. It's always white zin. But she says the kind they serve gives her a headache.

There's Roberta ... but look in the background... that's Coleen. She's really cute and I've been eyeing her since Thanksgiving. I think she likes me but guess what... there's a boyfriend. There was a big scene with him and her. I guess they are on the rocks ... or at least I hope they are. Bad bad thoughts. So I have that on my mind tonight.

I only heard from Lisa when I called her. She kind of was a no-show all weekend. I'm feeling a little like I'm being pushed to the background now that she has this great relationship. Part of me feels bad about it and another part feels like maybe it's the best thing for me. Now maybe I can actually move on. I don't expect to see her on Christmas or New Years.

I'd like to see if I can have something more with Coleen. While we had a short conversations ... maybe only the second one we had ... I felt something there. She said I had bad bed head ... which I did... but she was running her fingers through my hair. I probably shouldn't read too much into it but it really turned me on. I wonder what I should do next. I'm define going to ask her to go out - dinner? The boyfriend ... not sure how much that means. Damn - why does it always happen around the holiday and I have no money? Fuck the credit card payment.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Christmas lights

I put Christmas lights on the boat. It wasn't really that dark when I took pictures so I've got to go back and see if I can try again. It's still a work in pogress.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Why can't life be like a Christmas special ?

The holidays always bring us those moments we can only ever see in those movies and specials on TV. All though the movie everyone is lonely, poor, sad, dying and lacking any holiday spirit. Then by the end everyone has a love, job, money and live happily ever after. It's just a shame real life is so different. Life does not change just becuase it's Christmas. Once I've come to grips with that the stress seems to diminish.Great... only took half a century.

I thought the picture below look like a more appropriate holiday dinner... take out chicken, beer, hats at the talbe. The hostess with cleavage is nice too.





Monday, December 3, 2007

I just realized it's a new day

All my days are starting to blend together. Still a little down from my cold but definately on the mend. I must get out and do laundry tomorrow. I'm still working from home til Wednesday.

My day started with an email from Roberta. She wants to plan next week already and so do I. But I'm also considering if it's such a good idea. I know we are all being just friends and I should just not have hopes for more but it's hard to just try to accept things as they are and instead of how I wish they would be. I keep looking for any sign of affection when I know it's already way past the time that could ever happen without it feeling just really stupid. It's the kind of thing that can't just happen any more. It would feel forced unless there was a long dicussion and I've never been able to work up that conversation and have it end well.

I've been thinking about my discussion with Mike PC about his little "drive-by" of Reberta's house. Is it obsessive behavior? Maybe a little. But I've heard worse horror stories than that and maybe even found myself in the midst of similar acts. But never with someone who so obviously is not interested in me. And who knows what that first step is to being a full blown stalker. It all gets creepier and creepier. So I'm not second guessing myself for calling in on it even if he wants to make everyone believe it was simply a wrong turn that brought him to the house. He needed to know what we were thinking. Now let's see what happens next.  

Sunday, December 2, 2007

You can't beat quality time with your cat

It's been just me and Tigger all weekend. From Friday night, when he disappeared for an hour through Sunday night I've been pretty much flying solo at home. Mostly it's this cold I've been fighting all week. Also I need to be really thrifty. The rent is due and I need to wait until Thursday before I can even pay it.

I did get phone calls from Janet, Mike PC, and then finally Roberta. No one had any plans either. I wonder if I was more able could I have talked them into something. I wish my house was better and I could have people here. So as far as I know no one had much to do this past weekend so I didn't miss anything.

We got a little snow last night. The picture was take early in the morning in Bayville by John. His plan was to go scuba diving but I'm pretty sure he never made it into the water. If he did good luck to that. No way am I going diving in the snow. Tigger got out in the snpw this morning. I don't think he likes it much. He came right back in and hasn't made much of a fuss to go outside today.

I did make it down to the boat yesterday before the snow..

It sits in the marina riding out the cold. This picture was taken 2 weeks ago before I moved it into it's winter slip. I'll get one of that next weekend. Hopefully there won't be any ice. I have 2 heaters going inside the boat so it should be nice and warm. It's a long way to Summer though.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

It's December already?!

I'm still suffering with a cold. Seems like I've been dealing with this way too long. It's really only been 5 days but it feels like it's different every day. Sometimes sneezing, sometimes coughing and sometimes it feels like I'm not sick at all. But every morning I wake up feeling horrible.

I had a very disturbing conversation with Lisa last night. She had been complaining about pain in her abdomin. She went to the doctor early yesterday. When she mentioned she was going to the doctor a few days ago I just figured she was going in for a regular checkup. So last night around 5:30 my phone rings and it's Lisa. She wanted to talk about her trip to the Dr. She told me it's a little complicated. You may recall that just passed away from cancer last July. So any little thing should cause concern.

First off, while she lived in Arizona Lisa had been losing skin from her neck and chest area that is exposed to the sun. I just figured her fair skin had made her peel and she should stay out of the sun. The doctor thinks it's a serious problem with her immune system and she needs to go to a dermitologist and have it checked. When they discussed her pain in her abdomin Lisa said the doctor pointed right where her ovaries are and said if it's there it may be a problem. Lisa had always thought it may be liver problems becuase she likes to drink wine. The doctor recommended a sonogram to make sure.

She left the doctor thinking with the doctor saying she should set up an appointment sometime in January which would indicate nothing too serious. But then just before she called me the doctor called her and told her she should have it done as soon as possible. While we talked my first impulse was to try to minimize the possibilities, but after a few minutes I was really feeling scared for her. I was having flashbacks to when Janet told me her mom was going to the doctor for a little pain and that turned out to be very serious and she died within a few months.

So I told Lisa to stay positive but follow the advice of the doctor and get the sonogram right away. We then talked about all the possible scenarios. Removing the overaies or even a hysterectomy would leave Lisa unable to bear children. This made me very sad but she states she never ever felt she would have children anyway so it doesn't bother her that much. 

During all this time I realized my cat Tigger had been out and usually her wouldn't stay out more than 20 minutes or so before he would be back at the door meowing to come back in. Especially now... it was cold and dark. He had been gone about an hour. I put my coat on and walked up and down the street calling his name. This would ususally have him running to door but still no sign. I get a little concerned because he's been an indoor cat more than an outdoor cat and there was no way he would last very long outside. I also knew that the properties that border my backyard have a wall that's 4 feet lower than mine and Tigger likes to walk along that edge. So I grab a flashlight and shimmy between fences and walk along the wall. As I walk along I am also listening hoping his meow. I point my flashlight into the darkness and I see 2 pinpoints of light in the bushes at the bottem of the brick wall. Tigger had somehow gotten down and was unable to climb back up. I'm not sure who was more relieved, him or me. I jumped down and picked him up and put him back on the higher level. He must have been desperate to get up because he hesitated long enough for me to get back up and then he headed straight back to the house. He was cold and hungry and spent the rest of the night sleeping on my lap or on the couch next to me.