Tuesday, August 30, 2005

It's my birthday

That's right .... my birthday. Today I am 49. I never imagined I would ever be this old. I cringe at the thought of being 50 next year. So far I've gotten a card in the mail from Brenda (my ex-wife) and an email brithday greeting from Carolyn (the married woman). I did have a birthday dinner with Lisa last Saturday. I could be having dinner with Janet if I'd pursued it. Maybe just a drink would be better. Of course I expect Joe will be in touch with me and want to make a birthday plan. I should put out a message that I will be in Walls' Wharf and see if anyone shows up. Hmmm.... more later.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Vacation ends and it's back to the office

Well.... so I didn't get lucky during my vacation. At least I came close and I certainly managed to have some fun. I guess I just have to accept the fact that I'm not the guy who can just have casual sex.

I never did see Tracy during the 2 weeks I was off even though she was home. The only attempt failed when she wouldn't go to the beach and I said she could call me and she never did. She seems to only focus on the fact that she has pain in her knee even after surgury. I pretty much just gave up on her as she couldn't even have a conversation about anything else.

Saw Janet out on Friday night and also at the beach Saturday. I was invited to come along to the trip being planned to Block Island and it certainly is reasonably priced but I just can't come up with any extra money. So I turned her down. Can you believe that? I can't get over that wall anyway.

Lisa and I had dinner Saturday and then went down to the ocean at Tobay Beach. We dipped our feet in the surf and I ended up getting soaked and covered in sand. Still we had so much fun.

That's about it.... just that I had hoped to see more of Carolyn but since she's not divorced or even seperated I think I should not look to her for more than anything but friendship. Of course I did email her this morning.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Strange day in a good way

So I thought I might get laid today ... from a very unusual source too. Went to the boat to repair the leaky head that has been an issue all summer and fixed it. Yea!

So while doing the repair I saw Nancy's sister Carolyn and some guy she was with Andy. So I'd always thought Carolyn was married and of course she kind of is. Has 3 kids and a husband who sort of isn't around. Especially not so much today. She and Andy came on my boat for a sail. Andy is another unhappily married person. Now I will take anyone for a sail if it means I get to enjoy a nice day on the water. But Carolyn was into more than just sailing. She was coming on to me like no one has in YEARS. I was liking it too. So we enjoyed a nice day on the water and Andy was a good sailor and was an able galley mate. But I was looking at other things.

So Carolyn and I were swimming and grabbing and we were obviously a little drunk but mostly getting into each other. She kept kissing me, for crying out load. So as Andy and Carolyn were leaving I gave her a bucket full of trash knowing she would need to bring the empty back. So when she did I asked her onboard again and I thought we were totally having sex. We were drinking wine and kissing when who shows up again but Andy. I thought he was gone! You know he is a married guy but he is dealing with divorce so I thought he had headed home but NO! He was back. Maybe staking his terrortory. So I told him to have a drink with us. Then Carolyn had to head home. Bye bye.

So tomorrow I'm supposed to go out on HER boat. Andy is doubtful as he has to go to work. You think he will show up?  Stay tuned.  

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Spending more time thinking than doing.

My vacation has only 3 days left and while the weather could not be better I've been unable to take any advantage of it. I really got to get my ass out the door tomorrow. I need to make a change even if I won't be doing anything more exciting than I am at home. At least I've been staying within budget... well, sort of.

Sent an email to Janet, if for no other reason than to see if I'd get any response. She wrote back that the girls in the "beach club" were asking about me. They weren't the ones I wanted to know about but it is something. Friday night there are drinks at the Steamboat. I am planning to go and in fact I think I will take the sailboat. I've always wanted to do that.

I keep thinking about Lisa... almost back to obsessing. I haven't heard from her at all this week, nor have I heard from Tracy. I guess if no one is calling I should get the hell away.

Monday, August 22, 2005

More than a week later

Everyone seems to have left me. I guess it's my own fault. I had asked Tracy to go to the beach and she pretty much bailed on me on Friday. She keeps saying her knee is bad and she has pain she didn't expect while the Docs keep telling her it is normal after surgury pain. So she can't do anything.

Janet seems to be gone. I didn't reach out to her either of the last 2 weekends so I guess I should have expected that. She just isn't that into me. We will probably reconnect when I get the courage to give her a call. Right now I've $15 until Thursday so I'm laying low.

Lisa is still Lisa. I really do love her. She called me 3 times yesterday. Why? Just to keep me informed as to her doings. How does she not love me? I get all the girlfriend type treatment. But still we just watch TV with no real affection. God. I need someone to hold me.

I'm sure we are all sick of the status quo. I must do something to make a change. Maybe make a pass at the next girl.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

My life and welcome to it

Midnight swim with Lisa. Yeah - that's right. Only Lisa would be not only willing to do it but actually suggested it. Last night we had dinner and after that when to the boat for a relaxing glass of wine.... which means the entire bottle. Anyway, it was real hot and Lisa wanted to swim so I let go of the dock and we motered out to a spoy off of Sands Point and enjoyed a very refreshing swim. Since Lisa had no suit she just wore a tee shirt and underwear. It was fun and sexy but I didn't get any or see any. As always Lisa made sure I kept my distance and I'm just never going to go there. Just can't, but still makes me love her more. I could have easily talked her into staying out overnight but she was concerned about things at home and really was only justifying her need to cut things off before they got too far.

So here I am on a hot Sunday and no one to take out on the boat. Yesterday Janet invited me to the beach again but I felt I was getting this group only friend from her and don't think I want that limit so I blew it off.

Called Tracy yesterday but didn't get to talk to her as she wasn't ansering her cell and didn't call back. She will eventually.  

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Email advice from a friend who cares

I sent an email that was pretty much the same as my Monday journal entry and she finally responded last night. I thought I might put some of her thoughtful comments in just for some balance;

Laura writes;

A) get a hold of yourself,buddy!!!! Do NOTHING impulsive.You sound like you had an awesome weekend which you now want to dissect,analyze,and figure out how you got there,how to get more,and how to make it into what you think you really want.You are in charge of and can control nobody but you,buddy,like it or not.The things you want will happen naturally if you step back and let it. (Mike writes: "geez, why didn't I think of that?")   B)Tracy has been a date(right?)---and she keeps coming back.Keep her in the date category, see her when you want to see her,don't jump at every offer if you have other plans,even tentative ones,EVEN IF IT MEANS YOU MIGHT END UP SPENDING TIME ALONE THAT DAY.Get to know her ,decide if you like her for her, not just because she likes you,and is a single woman who might fit your criteria.  


She sees things very clearly - no?  

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

When is a date not a date?

When Tracy cancels because her aunt and uncle stopped by. I guess that makes sense. There was no way I wanted to meet the relatives. Of course I thought she would call me after but never did. Once again, disappointment rules the day.

Tuesday, August 9, 2005

Going to see Tracy tonight

Is it a date? Funny thing about when a girl likes you.... all the diffeculty that comes with dating goes away. I just called her up and conversation just led into getting together tonight. We don't even have any plans.

Last night I struggled trying to get to sleep. Finally dropped off around 2 a.m. Don't really know why.

I wanted to see Lisa last night in the worst way. Just feeling like I need to talk to her about nothing in particular. I'm a little confused about where I'm going which can usually paralyze me into non-action. So I sent her a message to see if we could share a glass of wine outside at about 9:30. She didnt get back to me until my phone rang at 11:30 at night. We couldn't have much conversation as her phone kept dropping out. I feel us really drifting apart. Sooner or later we will get together.

Friday night I have dinner plans with Lee. Not really wanting to go but she has been trying to lose weight I am curious to see how she is doing. I never really noticed that she had gained and didn't think she was that heavy until recently. There was once a time where I would have been considering her romantically but not anymore. She is still a woman though and if she was to seduce me I probably would cave. Thank God she won't ever do that.  

Monday, August 8, 2005

Weekend at the beach

Strap yourself in - this is a long entry.  

So get this, Friday night Janet invited me to the beach .... I thought a good idea would be to take my boat and anchor off of Prybles Beach in Glen Cove. So Saturday afternoon I secured a spot just off the beach and dinghyed ashore and hung out with Janet and her friends ... all of whom I now seem to know very well. We just had the best time. We were relaxing in the sun and we all just never wanting it to end. We watched the sunset and finally the cops kicked us out. The only way it could have been better would be if Janet came back to my boat, but she had her son Spencer this weekend and needed to get home. Last thing she said was to be back on Sunday.  

So I want back on board my boat and over nighted right there off of the beach in Glen Cove. It's not real protected but the weather was pretty calm so I had a good night sleep. Janet's friend Julie was at the beach at around 10 a.m. and had an egg, bacon, and cheese sandwich for me. Yummy.  

Janet was back on the beach around 11 and we spent the whole day hanging out again. Could I be wearing her down? Anyway, she never made it on to my boat but we did go for a dinghy ride. We circled it then looked at some of the waterfront homes on Morgan's Island. More money than I will ever have.  

So at 4:30 everyone packed up and was going to picnic at Morgan's Park. Roberta, another friend of Janet's, was there with her daughter and I had sort of said I would be there with some food. This is where I really fucked up.... This girl I had one date with, Tracy, called me. She had her knee 'scoped about 10 days ago and we had been playing phone tag Thursday and Friday. And Sunday I spoke to her and she was pretty upset - mostly because she had been cooped up at home on such a beautiful weekend. I kind of like Tracy and I know she likes me. She works for my friend Joe in the City and Joe had been telling me to not go there as she a little flaky. Actually Joe says she is a lot flaky.  

So here I am with a choice to make. Do I go to the picnic and spend more quality time with Janet and her friends or do I go see Tracy because I can have some alone time with her. I probably made the wrong choise but I told Tracy I would be back at my slip at 6. Tracy said she would get a ride and meet me there.  I had time to shower and change and she shows up .... with her brother! Ugh! And Janet calls me on my cell to see if I might be coming. Ugh! WTF am I doing? I really wanted to hang out with Janet some more and obviously Janet wanted me there too. So what do I do .... I sit on my boat with Tracy and her brother until 11:30. It was actually fun. I told Tracy I would call her and we are kind of lined up for something on Tuesday.  

As for Janet ... she knows I like her tons, but I have NEVER been alone with her ever. I have asked her out to dinner and out for a sail half a dozen times. I really don't think she sees any more than friendship with me. But Thursday I have a sunset cruise scheduled and she said she would come .... so.....    WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!!!!   What do I need to do that I am not doing? Should I just try to date them both? Right now that is kind of the plan.  

I also found out that Janet was seeing some guy - Peter ... very young.... like maybe 30. They apparently are over although I don't think that's what Janet wants. This was something I overheard so I may have my facts off a little.    

Oh - yeah and one more thing .... I haven't seen Lisa in 2 weekends. Sorry Lisa but you are just not making yourself available. You are still my "It" girl but if your are not there I need to find my own way.        

Friday, August 5, 2005

Sunset cruise

Last night's little trip was great. I had my cousin Bernadette, and my neice Katie, and my nephew Charlie on the boat. It was a good time. I'm a little sad that my only guests were relatives. Where are all my friends? Barely a puff of breeze but it was a safe relaxing trip. I really enjoyed getting the boat away from the dock. It was a short cruise and we were back at the dock by 10. When we got back we saw Trevor and Iris (I've got to start remembering her name).

Bernadette and I talked about organizing a picnic for September. I've been wanting to make that happen for years. I will need to make some calls. September 10th seems like the most likely date.

I haven't seen Lisa in a week and I was really wishing she could have been there last night, but she was working at the center like she is pretty much EVERY night now. But at 11:30 my phone rang and it was her. It was so nice to hear her voice and made me wish I could go see her but it was so late. She just called to say hello .... made me feel loved even a little. Thank God I had something to talk about other than I was just home watching TV all night. I hope she misses doing stuff with me although her commitment to the center doesn't seem like it will change any time soon. I told her I was going to a picnic on Saunday with Janet and her friends and she said maybe she will come. I wasn't sure if I wanted her to come but now I'm hoping she will.

Thursday, August 4, 2005

Another hot day in August

Went swimming in my sister Maryliz' pool last night. So refreshing. Tonight I will have company for a sail on my boat. All relatives I think. I am expecting my nephew and neice and also my cousin Bernadette and her husband Eddie. Also I need to call Eric. I wish Lisa would come too but she will be working late a the center. I miss her but we hardly see each other any more so I'm becoming much less obsessive. And I'm keeping really busy too which helps.

Wednesday, August 3, 2005

Stuck in the office

So I spent my evening last night just chillin' at home. I kind of needed to do that although I was hoping to hear from Lisa. We were considering getting together to just talk about her sister's recovery. She called me at 11:30 and we both agreed that it was way too late for anything more than a brief phone conversation. She gave me the details on Judi in the hospital. She was still very tired but recovered enough to be angry at the hospital staff.

I told her all about my weekend activities that were mostly spent with Janet.... she asked "So, are you guys dating now?", which I wasn't prepared to respond to. I just said she has someone else - his name is Peter and he is much younger than she is.... about 30 I think. All this is true. I could have made Lisa jealous? Not likely. Still I wonder....

Tuesday, August 2, 2005

Better news

Good news.... I heard this morning Lisa's sister is doing much better. No longer on the respirator, she is talking, joking, and laughing. I can't go see her as I've picked up a little cold. Still it was great to hear and hopefully she will be going home soon. I really thought she was going to leave us.  

Last weekend I didn't see Lisa at all. We spoke briefly on the phone Saturday night. Judi was still not doing well and she wasn't happy.  

I did see quite a bit of Janet and her friends. Friday night we met in Glen Cove and watched a band play outdoors in the plaza. Then went with her friends Susan and Roberta to Buckrams and get something to eat. While there Janet and Roberta were both getting the attention from this goofy guy Erich. He was paying most of his attentionto to Roberta. After that I made my way to Crabby Dan's. I wanted  to see Karen Rich who bartends there. Janet without Susan and Roberta showed up about 5 minutes later. I guess she left right after me. Then right behind Janet this guy Erich shows up. Obviously Roberta blew him off. So now he's taking his best shot with Janet with me right there. He was about 15 years younger than Janet but I think at first Janet liked the attention. After about 10 minutes Janet walked over to talk to Jimmy and some other people she knew and I was talking to this girl I'd just met, Karen Petrone. Then I turn around and there goes Erich, out the gate... not even sure he said good-bye to Janet. Okay here is the kicker .... I met Janet and Roberta at Prybles Beach on Saturday and found out that Erich sent Roberta a text message on his way home.  

Anyway, Janet left around an hour later and I stayed and gave Karen (Rich - not Petrone) a ride home. Late night. Saturday was Beach, Sunday I again met Janet and her friends at Morgans to see another concert. That was fun but I never got the boat away from the dock. I did have a nice nap on it Sunday afternoon.

Monday, August 1, 2005

Weekend update

To those reading this and are concerned about Judi there is no change to her condition. She's not better or worse. She is still in ICU and still on an incubaiter.