Friday, December 30, 2011

Happy New Years Eve - almost

In all likelihood this will be my last post for 2011. No reminiscing for me here. I do not like to look back as I always think it's better to keep looking ahead. What I seem to have it in my mind is that I want to spend more time in 2012 with Lisa. I am not sure what that will be but it is something that I want.

Taking Lisa out to dinner last Wednesday has been in my thoughts constantly. She has a way that makes me want to be with her all the time. I thought I had pushed that out of my head when she moved in with Carmine and then got engaged. But now she is telling me how they aren't ever moving to marriage and how badly she wants out. She described in detail how cold their relationship is. I can't even imagine how that is. She said they are now sleeping in separate rooms.

But she hasn't ended it. She is still wearing his ring and as long as I see that I'd better not assume anything. I certainly won't plan anything. Even our dinner was spontaneous. I mentioned it after she started by sending me a text.

Carolyn on the other hand seems to be drawing away. Not sure if I've pushed her aside or she is just going on her own. But I called her last night and she didn't answer or return my call. Now I want to make plans without her. As I dialed the phone I was thinking how difficult it is to muster up the energy to make that call. You would think I would want to talk to her but most of the calls I've made to her I felt worse after the call than before. She can't seem to get optimistic about anything much less the plans I might suggest. So much negativity.

It got me thinking that if I call Lisa or even the rare times I call Coleen it is never like that. I would think if she really liked me she would be happier when I call. Is the black cloud around her so think that nothing can come through.

I'm probably better off on my own and I need to get more content with that. The more I think about it the more I want to spend NYE relaxing at home. If I go out I'll just be forcing myself to try and have fun. That actually works sometimes but I'm just not sure I want to this time.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Just a word or two today.

I went to dinner with Lisa last night. The entire dinner she was moaning about how she wants out of her engagement. I suspect there is another man involved but she won't tell me about that yet. I wish it was me but I can't see it. Still it was an enjoyable evening. I will probably text more about that when I have a better perspective, which will happen over time.
Today my new television came. It was sad to see the old one go out the door but after a few hours of high def I'm over it. At least I get to see one Jet game on a good picture. Meanwhile the cable box in the bedroom seems to be on the fritz. Always gotta be something.
Still no real NYE plan. I sent an email to Carolyn and her reply was short so I'm not really expecting any real plans to be made unless it's the last minute. With a new TV I could just stay in and be just as happy.
That's it for today. Tomorrow I should have more to say.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Armageddon in 2012?

For the days that so many things happen I never have the opportunity to post, but now that nothing much is going on I can post every day. Like I always say, "Live more, blog less".
Today is Wednesday and we are half way between Christmas and New Years. As each day goes by I grow more anxious and I don't even know why. I have no real plans. I am hesitating to make any. The only girl even willing to make a plan with me is Carolyn and I think I will see if I can make something happen there. But in my mind I almost want to leave my options open until the last minute. As I write this I realize how stupid that must sound. Compared to last year I am way ahead of the game. It was a year ago I agreed to go with Chris to a "movie event" at the Huntington Cinema. The thought was there would be a cocktail party afterwards that might include some highbrow discussions about the movie and maybe I could mix it up a bit. Pretty much all I saw were a bunch of sixty and seventy year-olds. Then I found out the "cocktails" were alcohol free. I made the best of that but I'm not doing that again. I want music and dancing.
I also want to use the end of the year to assess where I've been and where I'm going. I would like to turn up the heat on Carolyn. Either we move towards being a couple or I start spending my time elsewhere. I need to feel close to someone.
It's not like me to push the issue. One of the things that I've always felt is that the answer to those questions are usually answered before they are even asked. I believe by just talking about these things mean they will not go the way I hope. I just want what everyone else wants. I know I read the comments and I know what has been suggested is probably the best way to go. I should let go of what is not working and try to find something new. I've done singles events and joined online dating sites. I may do that again but my past experiences have been very disappointing. Maybe I'm too jaded or old but I just feel so fake when I see people in those kind of situations. Everyone looks at the surface and it's just so easy to move on that I never feel like I can connect. I'll never be the hot guy in the room so I never really feel like I can attract.
So here comes 2012 ... the last year on the Mayan calendar. Maybe End of Days? Or maybe the start of a new era. We will see.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Wonderful Christmas Time

Christmas did not end until I got myself a gift. I bought a 46" Sony TV. I was determined to spend no more than $700 and when the sales guy said the price was $899 I said forget it. I asked if it was the one on sale before Christmas for $698. He said he wasn't sure. I was ready to give up and half-hearted-ly looked around at some others. After 10 minutes he came back and said they would give me the sale price... woohoo! I said wrap it up. I decided to get it delivered because they would take away the old one. I put it on my store credit card which means one year interest free. I can pay for it all now but I'm thinking I'll pay $200 a month and have it paid off by the start of baseball.
From there I figured I needed something to put it on.The old TV is a huge console plasma thing but the way the new one is I needed something better to use. My TV bookcase is probably my best piece of furniture so I wanted something that would match to it. The first place I went to had something too small and too expensive. But the second place had what I thought was my exact same bookcase with the middle piece that would be perfect right on display. I was pretty much ready to pay whatever it would cost, but it turned out to be exactly the number I had budgeted... $200. I can't pick it up until a week from Wednesday but it should fit in my car so I'll just go get it then.
So it turned out to be a very good Christmas for me. At least the after Christmas was. The stuff before and during Christmas was all about food and drink. On Friday night I went to my brother's house for a cocktail party. One of his guests was a girl I dated way back in 1980 something. I want to say '82 but maybe I'm off a year or two. Her name is Gina and when we broke up (her idea, but I was fine with it) she found a guy who would be her husband. He was also there. It was nice to see her at first but she seemed more glad to see me than I expected. She was taking to me for a long time. Her hubby was there so it was just seeing al old friend and catching up. I forgot how much fun she was to talk to. She could always make me laugh. It's funny that as we get older and we see someone we once had feelings for they can kind of still be there even 30 years later. I almost wanted to give her my number just so we could talk more, but I thought that wouldn't be anywhere near appropriate.
I spent most of Saturday wrapping and getting ready. I stopped by Lisa's and she let me borrow a pocket printer so I could print pictures for the family. I told her to have a great Christmas to which she just rolled her eyes and said she would talk to me later. There is trouble in paradise and she is not enjoying the holiday at all. I should have hopes but I still do. It looks like she has her next thing lined up. She has dropped the name of a guy she works with a few times and I know she has a plan, twisted as it may be. As details are revealed I will relay them in the blog. For starters I know he is married.
Lisa stopped by on Christmas day and I decided not to give her the nice jewelery I bought for her. She didn't have a gift for me so I held my gift back. I will either return it or her birthday is just 6 weeks away so I can always give it to her then. Meanwhile I we made a plan to get together on Monday.
After Lisa left I went to Carolyn's for dinner. I considered not giving her the jewelry I got for her since I am rethinking our time together. She had bought me a present and it wasn't anything really special is was something nice. So I broke and gave it to her anyway. And of course she loved it. We had a nice dinner with her kids.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Good times bad times.

I am having what I hope will be a quiet day in the office. Not a lot of people are in since we start our 4 day Christmas holiday after today. Most people with any time left are taking the day. Not me. I'm here like always.
Last night I recieved a text message from a co-worker I rarely see anymore. Mariana has been a friend since I first started here and when I met her she was single but now she is married and has year-old twins. We have always been friends although there was a time I really wanted to date her. I let that go more than 10 years ago but we always seem to re-connect about once a year. Maybe we can have a laugh over lunch today.
I was feeling especially lonely last night so I reached out by phone to Carolyn. I knew right away she was not happy. That's not something I can fix but I tried anyway. But I kept the conversation short and avoided making any plans. She was having a tough time with work and I think she almost quit. I sensed she was having her own little pity party. After like 3 "my life sucks" comments I told her we will get together for Christmas and then said goodbye. After I hung up I was feeling really bad. I'm so tired of being the fixer and want something that will give me a little joy.
Between Lisa and Carolyn it doesn't seem there is a whole person there. They both seem so broken and I wonder if I should be around them right now. It's not like either one of them see me as a solution to what their problems are. But then I feel so alone and need someone to talk to. It's tough right now.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Early Bird

I dragged myself out of bed an hour early today. That would be 5:15 AM. This was in order to make the train at 6:08 getting me into NYC by 7:10. I used this time to make it into Macy's and finish my shopping. Whew. It worked out well as I beat the crowds and took care of presents for mom, my sister, Lisa and Carolyn. It was more than $500 but I figure it's been a good year and maybe I can start the next year off on the right foot.
Then I stopped at the men's department and treated myself to a few things. Just some shirts that were marked down somewhere between 50 and 75 percent. Total was less than $60. Yay me!
I have to work today and tomorrow but then I am off for Friday and again on Monday. I guess I can get all my last minute things done Friday and get my wrapping done too. Saturday the plan is to spend Christmas Eve with my extended family. I accepted invite from Carolyn for Christmas dinner. I don't know how I feel about that but I couldn't say no.
Not much else today. I am feeling good and for once I am looking forward to a Christmas of friends and family. I've come so far to get here. I'm still alone but I feel lucky and blessed.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Santa is coming to town

I have 15 minutes to post before I go to a meeting. There isn't much to say so I can fit this in. I am working my way through getting all my money issues out of the way. Now that I've got the cash from my retirement account I can pay my VISA bill off, and pay my brother the money he is owed. I'll have enough to take care of any other expenses between now and spring. I will still try to keep a budget but at least I can make any payments that come due.
I spent last evening home doing very little. There were no phone calls in or out. I just made myself a nice dinner and chilled in from of my broken tv. I will consider getting a new one but not until at least after Christmas. I plan to get a few more presents for people over the next 3 days. I can't decide if presents for Carolyn or Lisa is warranted. I'd like to get something appropriate. My status is somewhat in limbo with each of them. My plan is to stop in Macy's at least one more time and see if something in the jewelry counter strikes me. I'm considering earrings for under $50 might be just the thing.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Life Goes On

Living life has been keeping me too busy for the blog. This will be an all too brief update. I finally received the money I'd been waiting for. So like a sailor on leave or an inmate who was just paroled I've been out living it up a bit. I was out to dinner three times last week which cost me in the neighborhood of $300. It was sort of worth it. I took Lisa out twice and Carolyn out once. Spending more time with Lisa is always worth while for me. The event with Carolyn was Friday night in the City and I enjoyed it but there was a moment that I am a little peeved about and I feel like i need to make a point about it although for now I've just let it go.
I will start with Lisa. We both needed to do some Christmas shopping so after that we went to our favorite Indian restaurant. It was so good. She talked about how much she misses the things we do. I still adore her and I realized how much more I enjoy her company than anyone else. I wish I didn't because she doesn't seem to ever want to see me in a sexual way. Even after more than 10 years of knowing her I am more attracted to her than ever.
On Friday night she called me and we met for dinner again. She has reserved her Friday's for her fiance for as long as I can remember so this was very unusual. I asked her about that and she told me just how bad things are right now. I should not have any expectations but if she needs a place to go I want to be there.
But I am not going to put all my eggs on one basket. So I also spent some time with Carolyn. We were at a Christmas Concert on Thursday night in NYC. It was something she really wanted to see and I just figured if I could make her happy then I should do it. We travelled into the City by train and found a place for dinner. Over dinner we were talking about nothing in particular when she mentioned something about one of her single friends trying to get her to go to a singles night at some bar. I made a point of saying how if she wants to date what are we doing. She has said to me repeatedly that until she clears up whatever she has in her divorce she has no room for any man to get close to her. She has used this to push me away. And truth be told I feel like it's a good point. I don't need to be more involved while she is on this emotional roller coaster. I have no illusions of what is going on. I don't want monogamy any more than she does. But I also don't want to hear about her other men. At some point very soon I want to have a discussion with her about how much time we spend together. For now it is just this 800 pound gorilla I've let into the room.
Saturday I got to relax alone more of the day and also sent my evening alone as well. Carolyn had gone to see her daughter up at college and Lisa was with her sister. I needed a day to myself so I was fine with that. I spent most of Sunday with Carolyn doing Christmas shopping. I have that mostly done now. Less than a week to go so it's about time.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Same Old Stuff

I just looking at my Checking Acct. balance and it shows all of 0.16. Yes 16 cents. There is probably more money in the "take a penny, leave a penny" plate in 7-11. Payday is Thursday and I have 8 envelopes for bills ready to mail. 3 are due be Friday and the rest are due by around the end of the month. But I think I can pay them all out of my next paycheck. Then I wait for my big check from my 401k loan. I need that to go Christmas shopping so it better get here soon. Maybe Friday or maybe Monday.
Then I can move off of my money woes and start to live like a normal person. Not that I'll start throwing my money around. But it would be nice to go out to dinner and not sweat the last days before payday. But enough of this boring crap.
Thursday I am working from home and then I am off on Friday. This is so that I can take Carolyn to see a Christmas concert in NYC on Thursday night. I'm kind of off the romance thing with her right now so I'm not as excited about going as you might expect. She plans on working on Friday. There won't be any late night extra curricular activity. I'm curious to see if she can actually have a good time as she has been really depressing lately.
I really want to see Lisa. We had a plan for Wednesday but I have this odd feeling she was put off from me being with Carolyn on Saturday. If she is I'm going to probably need to leave her out of my life for a while. She is still engaged although she keeps saying she is looking around. While my mind sees this as some kind of opportunity I think the reality is whatever her next direction is it would be better for me to stay away.
Last Sunday I was watching football in the bar and while I was there one of the bartenders (I refuse to call them "barmaids") hinted about how she could tell me stuff about Carolyn. Obviously there was talk after I'd left on Friday. I told her to let it go. I already know about what it was. Michelle is not really one who should throw stones.
It's only Tuesday. Still the beginning of the week. Always quiet. Probably not a bad thing but I which I had something better to write about. It is what it is. S-O-S.

Monday, December 12, 2011


The weekend is over and the only good thing I have to show for it was the 2 hour workout I had at the gym yesterday morning. I saw a lot of Carolyn which is both a good thing and a bad. As I spend more time with her she grows tiresome. I was glad to not see her on Sunday while I watched football. Football, ugh. I need to talk about that.
My world the last week or so revolved around the fact that I have what I hoped would be a winner in Fantasy Football. Well, I got smoked yesterday ending my season. I won some money but I had my eye on the big prize. At least my favorite team The J-E-T-S won in a laugher. Sorry, Josie but we are coming for the Pats again in January. Do you hear the footsteps? That's enough talking smack from me.
On Friday night I left work and I had no plans so I went to the bar just to get out. Carolyn called me and she came in to meet for a drink before we decided to go out for dinner. She has never done that so it was nice to have someone come to me for a change. While there she noticed her elderly next door neighbors were there. These are people she does not get along with at all. Turns out they are Lynnie's parents. Lynnie is the main bartender. So one drink and we were gone. It figures that the people Carolyn bitches to me about are connected to me in a different way. That's a hornet's nest I'm not going to shake.
Friday night came and went and on Saturday Carolyn and I went shopping for a Christmas tree together. It was for her because as a single person I don't really do the whole decked out for Christmas thing.
While we were doing that I received a call from Lisa. She wanted to meet for lunch. Why is it she's never called me all the Saturday's I've been doing nothing and now I'm with Carolyn she's asking me to go places? When I told Carolyn she was saying I should go. What's with that? I was planning my day to be with Carolyn. I'm convinced none of these women are that into me at all.
So I blew off Lisa, sort of. I wanted to see her Sunday and she blew me off, but that's a post for another day.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Not a lot today.

I took Lisa out for dinner last night. We went to a new place that we've never been to before. I love how she enjoys a good meal. We talked about all the crappiness that is going on. She is down on her boyfriend, down on her family, down on Christmas and yet she is still fun to be with. I'm glad she said yes to dinner even if we can't be more than friends.
In the last week I've had dinner with Carolyn that included an overnight, had dinner with Janet and dinner with Lisa. I guess from some outsider point of view I'm doing pretty well. So for today I won't complain about a lack of affection.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Deep thoughts

It's just another regular day. My evening was spent last night with just me and the cat. I'm not complaining. I felt pretty comfortable just leaning back on the couch where I didn't need to do anything. I know I will need to do some Christmas shopping soon but I don't really have a plan yet so I'm not rushing it.
I was considering going to the gym tonight, but instead I asked Lisa if she would like to go get some dinner with me. So I'm missing another night but I'd much rather have conversation than work out.
A week from today I am going to see a concert in NYC with Carolyn. Even though I was excited when I got the tickets I'm feeling like it's not going to be the bonding experience I had hoped it might be. Carolyn seems so distant and shut down to me and I know it's not about me. She seems to freak out over the oddest of things. She keeps trying to warn me. Her ex has an "OJ Simpson" type violent personality. She will not allow herself to get close to anyone because of it. I try to talk to her but she is like a wall right now.
I keep thinking about Lisa. I know she is struggling right now. Life would be much better if somehow she loved me. But that doesn't seem like it can happen. We know each other too long as friends and she just doesn't have those feelings for me. When she got engaged last year I was actually looking forward to seeing her wedding. Now that doesn't look like it will happen and she is talking about being single again. I have mixed feelings about that.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011


Tuesday was such a blah day. I got nothing done at work which fine since there isn't anything due until at least after New Years. I am suffering from lack of sunlight. It's dark when I go to work and it's dark when I go home. If I don't manage to get to a window at some point during the day I never see the sun. This actually happens quite often.
My mind has been drifting. Since I won the first round of playoffs I keep looking at football stats. I know I only need to fill out and lineup and that can be done in all of 5 minutes on Thursday I am taking way too much time thinking of what I should do. I have a tendency to build myself up and I need to level out so that if I lose I don't get to disappointed.
I made it into the gym last night. I have been slacking off a lot lately and seems like I can't so half of what I was able to do only a few months ago. But at least I got there.
After I finished and had a nice dinner I reached out to Carolyn. We had made a tentative plan to have dinner on Wednesday and I wanted to remind her about it. Like I said it was tentative, which of course means she is cancelling. After talking to her for a few minutes I wasn't that disappointed. Her mood right now is really dark and sad. She is surrounded by an aura of negativity right now. She started to reel them off to me and it got old really fast. I thought, "yeah, maybe sharing a dinner with her right now is not so great". I tried to push her into some more positive things but she was not letting anything go.
So after 30 minutes I found an excuse to end the call. After hanging up I decided I still want to do something on Wednesday night. I still owe Lisa a dinner so I sent her a text. She never texted back so I guess she had put her phone away. She is not in a much better place than Carolyn, but at least Lisa will work her way out of it.
Seems like every woman I know is struggling with something. Maybe it's a lack of sunlight for everyone.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011


As in Fantasy Football. It was the first round of the playoffs and I finished the season on a 3 game losing streak. So I had gone from 7-2 to 7-5 and barely missed getting a bye. At one point Sunday I was behind 100 to 30. When I saw that I figured my streak would be 4 and I'd be done. My most promising season would come to an abrupt end.
But Matthew Stafford threw for over 400 yards, New Orleans defense played well, my coach won and I got TD's from 2 others. So by the time Sunday was over it was 103 to 96. And I still had a running back, Mathews (SD) and kicker, Scobee (JAC) left and my opponent just had his kicker, Novak (SD). My bench kicker Folk from the Jets, yes "my Jets" had 11 points so if I'd played the right guy I would be winning instead of losing. Still I knew if I could get a good day from a RB I could still win.
I had to sweat it out until garbage time when Mathews rumbled 21 yards into the end zone and was suddenly up 114 to 111. Yikes that is close. The rest of the game was just a bunch of three and outs so I was in. A big comeback for Team Mike.
If things could go right I may be able to replace my broken plasma TV with a new flat screen. I already have my eyes on a Sony 48 inch. But I should not get ahead of myself.

Monday, December 5, 2011

A real creepy guy.

So while I SLEPT with Carolyn there is still not much passion or intimacy. Friday night we enjoyed a fun time of live music and dancing. It ended really late and while in the car Carolyn suggested that I could stay over rather than drive home. In her bed. I was so tired I literally fell asleep within seconds. There was no sex.
I am starting to wonder if she just can't get close to anyone. There are so many factors that she hides behind. Yesterday I got a full dose of how much she lives in fear.
It was a nice day yesterday for NY in December. I came over to help with the Christmas lights. There were only 2 strands so it didn't take long. So we decided to grab a bottle of wine and headed to the beach to go for a walk along the sand. We know of a nice secluded spot that has a pond and a nice view. We were enjoying a peaceful quiet moment when off in the distance we saw a man walking a dog. When he was within 100 yards of us Carolyn recognized him as one of her creepiest neighbors. She was pretty much freaking out.
I figured he would say hello and keep on walking. I should have reacted better as he just latched on to us. Next thing I know we are talking to him and it's starting to get dark and I realized he is not just creepy, but really gay. It was something he said about having no boyfriend. We head back to the car and he is with us talking a blue streak the whole way. In her own quiet way Carolyn is terrified. She told me later she wouldn't have been surprised if her was carrying a gun or a knife. She was sure he followed us from her street. I tried to reassure her that wasn't possible since we drove the car and he walked and there could be no way he knew where we were going since we only decided seconds before we left. But she was convinced.
Carolyn told me this guy has a history of stalking her and her kids, but she had no idea he was gay. I picked up on it immediately. Carolyn is so fearful she assumed everyone is being paid by her ex to do her harm. She even thinks he wants to pay someone to murder her. While I do believe she is over-reacting, I also believe there is some validity to what she says.
So we walked back and once inside the car she told me how afraid she was. We were so alone and anything could have gone down. My reality is much different than hers. I didn't like that this stranger just horned himself into our moment.
These are the things that make me want to maintain some distance for Carolyn. It's very hard to tell what is real and what is paranoia. I can protect her but I'm not sure I want that long term. The idea of spending each night looking in the closet or under the bed for an assassin is not how I'd like to live. I also realize she probably won't ever feel safe.
I guess I'll keep going slow and not hope for much. One of the things I know from all my prior relationships is love usually blooms quickly and this is not happening. But still I have enjoyed her company and I still would like something more. I will need to keep my options open.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Fooling around

Still no sex but I spent the night with Carolyn. When she suggested that we could share the bed I went for it. I was at her house and it was very late. There was a lot of wine involved so it wasn't a big night of passion but it was something. This morning we shared a nice breakfast and that was that. I'll probably need another 48 hours to process this and write about things properly.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Something's Gotta Give

My plans tonight are to take Carolyn out to hear some live music. It's really more her plan than mine and I'm not sure but I think I kind of invited myself to it. I'm being more assertive which is a good thing. We had a phone conversation last night that felt very strained. I haven't been able to put my finger on it yet but sometimes it seems like we speaking different languages. Usually I can read someone pretty well but with Carolyn I never know what to expect. She talks like her life is the black hole that will destroy me if I get sucked in. So we just keep tap dancing around things. Never touching. Never really connecting. But we spend lots of time together.
As I write this I have come to the realization that Carolyn has these walls up like no one I've ever met. She lets me in but only so far. It is as if she needs them. The enigma is that she is always dropping hints that we can do things but never wants to commit to anything more than 48 hours away. I think she is afraid of intimacy. Almost terrified. She will flirt like crazy but won't open her heart to anything substantial.
I really feel I want to make something happen tonight one way or another. I know I've probably said this more time than I can count.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Weekend Angst

I've been counting the days until my 401k loan would be paid off. This morning I go into my online account and there it is. No more loan. It's been taken from active to history. So now I can apply for a new one and get some cash. I then started modelling a new loan. See what the payments would be if I took 24 months or 36 months. Should I go for 9k or 11k. Before I could even settle on what I want I noticed something new. Apparently now before applying for a new loan there is a 10 day waiting period. So now I start a new countdown. Looks like I am now waiting until Dec. 10th. This is really going to negatively impact my Christmas shopping. I can wait.
I am having a difficult time sleeping but I'm not sure what the cause is. It's probably everything. I didn't really speak to anyone last night. I was out getting a haircut until almost 9 PM. By the time I finished dinner it was close to 10. Maybe eating so late is my problem.
I have this urge to make plans this weekend but as yet I have not gotten anything done. No one ever commits to whatever I ask. I need to be careful because this is how I end up double booked. I know I had a conversation with Janet about decorating her house for Christmas this weekend. Was it Friday night or Saturday night? Carolyn mentioned going out to see music on Friday but I don't remember if she wanted me to go or not. What really makes it rough is I can't remember if she told me where it was. I have this vague memory of something in Bayshore. It's a long ride.
I hope my Janet thing is Saturday.