I am having what I hope will be a quiet day in the office. Not a lot of people are in since we start our 4 day Christmas holiday after today. Most people with any time left are taking the day. Not me. I'm here like always.
Last night I recieved a text message from a co-worker I rarely see anymore. Mariana has been a friend since I first started here and when I met her she was single but now she is married and has year-old twins. We have always been friends although there was a time I really wanted to date her. I let that go more than 10 years ago but we always seem to re-connect about once a year. Maybe we can have a laugh over lunch today.
I was feeling especially lonely last night so I reached out by phone to Carolyn. I knew right away she was not happy. That's not something I can fix but I tried anyway. But I kept the conversation short and avoided making any plans. She was having a tough time with work and I think she almost quit. I sensed she was having her own little pity party. After like 3 "my life sucks" comments I told her we will get together for Christmas and then said goodbye. After I hung up I was feeling really bad. I'm so tired of being the fixer and want something that will give me a little joy.
Between Lisa and Carolyn it doesn't seem there is a whole person there. They both seem so broken and I wonder if I should be around them right now. It's not like either one of them see me as a solution to what their problems are. But then I feel so alone and need someone to talk to. It's tough right now.