Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Armageddon in 2012?

For the days that so many things happen I never have the opportunity to post, but now that nothing much is going on I can post every day. Like I always say, "Live more, blog less".
Today is Wednesday and we are half way between Christmas and New Years. As each day goes by I grow more anxious and I don't even know why. I have no real plans. I am hesitating to make any. The only girl even willing to make a plan with me is Carolyn and I think I will see if I can make something happen there. But in my mind I almost want to leave my options open until the last minute. As I write this I realize how stupid that must sound. Compared to last year I am way ahead of the game. It was a year ago I agreed to go with Chris to a "movie event" at the Huntington Cinema. The thought was there would be a cocktail party afterwards that might include some highbrow discussions about the movie and maybe I could mix it up a bit. Pretty much all I saw were a bunch of sixty and seventy year-olds. Then I found out the "cocktails" were alcohol free. I made the best of that but I'm not doing that again. I want music and dancing.
I also want to use the end of the year to assess where I've been and where I'm going. I would like to turn up the heat on Carolyn. Either we move towards being a couple or I start spending my time elsewhere. I need to feel close to someone.
It's not like me to push the issue. One of the things that I've always felt is that the answer to those questions are usually answered before they are even asked. I believe by just talking about these things mean they will not go the way I hope. I just want what everyone else wants. I know I read the comments and I know what has been suggested is probably the best way to go. I should let go of what is not working and try to find something new. I've done singles events and joined online dating sites. I may do that again but my past experiences have been very disappointing. Maybe I'm too jaded or old but I just feel so fake when I see people in those kind of situations. Everyone looks at the surface and it's just so easy to move on that I never feel like I can connect. I'll never be the hot guy in the room so I never really feel like I can attract.
So here comes 2012 ... the last year on the Mayan calendar. Maybe End of Days? Or maybe the start of a new era. We will see.

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