Friday, June 29, 2012

What I planned to say yesterday.

I spent the better part of Wednesday getting the engine running on my boat. I had a service guy coming to look at it since I couldn't seem to figure out exactly what happened. Since I needed to be there I figured I would get my dinghy inflated and into the water. That process takes a bit of time and energy. I got that done but it was not easy. I was just about finished when the repair guy arrived. It wasn't more than 15 minutes before he knew exactly what the problem was. There was water in the diesel fuel. A lot of water. He told me I should pump out the tank with a hand pump and change out the filter. Since I didn't have either one on board and I was paying the guy $75 per hour I figured I would let him go and get it done later. I called the parts place and they had the filter, then I borrowed a pump and by 5 o'clock the engine was running. I was exhausted by this time. By the time I cleaned up the boat or mostly cleaned it up, I was sweaty and smelled of diesel fuel. So naturally I went down to the bar and had a drink. I needed it. It was a long day.
My boat is now up and running and I can pretty much look forward to a summer of being out on the water. I'm fairly confident it will be fine from here on out. I just hope I can relax and enjoy it with people. The forecast is for hot and sunny this weekend and then there is the Fourth of July. Not sure how that's going to be.
I can go to my sister's pool for her barbecue but if I have my way I would rather be out on the boat. I really want to bring Lisa but she may decide to bow out from virtually everything. I'm not really sure how she is right now. When she first moved into her new place, which is only a few dorrs away from my home, we were seeing each other every day. I was starting to feel like Lisa wanted my company, but I also don't want to start a pattern where I wait for her to call and just go there every night. So this week I only paid her a visit once and just for an hour of so. I sort of wanted to be in my own space a little so I glad to not go there.
But it is Friday and I'd really like to plan something around Lisa. I know I shouldn't and Lisa hasn't made her Friday night open to me so I need to consider whether she even wants to be around. I may just take a ride down to the boat and relax there for a little while.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Boat fix tomorrow - I hope.

I have a boat mechanic coming to see why my engine won't start. I hope it's something that can be resolved quick and easy. Having the boat out of commission in July is as bad as it gets. I feel like there are only 10 to 12 good weekends on a boat and to lose any is precious. Lucky I have some funds to get anything done that isn't huge. With luck I'll be sailing by Saturday because temps are predicted to be in the mid to high 80's.
Last night I made a conscious effort to relax at home alone. I am starting to feel myself getting used to the idea of going over to Lisa's and just making myself at home. She eventually gave me a call at about 9-ish. While she sounded a little lonely she knows the same thing. We need to live in our own space and not start becoming interdependent. When I mentioned planning something later in the week she was a little evasive. Best we could do was Friday.
I called my mom in Florida this morning just to catch up on things. She reminded me of what I already know. She told me she likes Lisa, but she is a little flaky and I need to make my own way. I think her exact words were don't fall in love with someone who is never going to commit to me. I think when my mom gives me advice she thinks of me as 15 and not the adult that I am. It can be a little bizarre.
So no work tomorrow as I plan to spend my day at the boat. Hope for good news.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Getting what I need

Yes. It has been ten days since I last said any thing. It's so bad I actually got poked by Krissy just to make sure I am still around. There is so much going on I don't really know where to start. I had planned to spend last week off from work and had hoped to spend some time getting Lisa settled into her new home. Then work got in the way. There was a deadline moved up so instead of taking 5 days off I only got 2 and then I needed to login from home for 2 half days so I really didn't get any. My plans were to get my boat in ship shape for the summer but I never got to any of it done. Still I had Lisa and her sister's family come out for a sail on Saturday. That was great right up until we were about to get into the marina. The boat stalled just a half a mile from home. I never got the boat going and it is still not fixed. I guess if you put things off long enough it causes problems. I probably never should have left the dock until I did my "due diligence". The phrase "pay me now or pay me later" comes to mind. I'd been having some issues with my boat for a while so it's due for some one to look at it.
In other news I've been spending most of my free time with Lisa. Either she call me or I call her but it's been fun having her so close to me. I'm sure eventually we will find a happy medium because she will want to start dating and we don't seem to connect like that. She actually was crying about missing the ex after we ended our sailing on Saturday. She actually took her car and ran over the curb and knocked the wheel well off. It should go right back on but she just got more upset anyway. Hopefully she will get better soon. I spent some time with her yesterday trying to make it okay.
I've been ignoring most of my other friends and family lately. I don't even care. It is so nice to have someone who just likes to sit back and enjoy doing nothing. Still I find myself planning and trying to make things happen, Last night I convinced Lisa to come to the Tiki Bar for a cocktail. It near the water on a golf course so it tends to be an older crowd that are mostly people who finished a round of golf. We walked onto the patio and we got an odd reaction from one of the tables. I didn't recognize any of them but I did see some other people I knew that I stopped and said hello to. What I didn't see was something that Lisa told me about later. One of the older men who I knew but didn't initially recognize made an indication to Lisa that she should come over, which she did not do. It was Nester, who is someone who thinks he is a ladies man and always thinks he can get "the girl". When Lisa told me how this happened when I couldn't see I started to get a little more mad about it, although since she had already defused the situation I thought the best thing is to let it go. For now. Nester even had the nerve to come over and talk to me like he was my friend. Not sure if I'll run into him again any time soon but I will not let him think he is my friend.
Okay - so there it is. Right now I am still alone but not as lonely. My boat needs to have a mechanic look at it and with 4th of July just 10 days away everything is a little unsettled. hopefully soon all my dreams will come true. Or maybe just some.

Friday, June 15, 2012

It's Hard Work.

A couple days go by so fast. I don't need to update but I will. For starters I'm not on vacation next week. I'll be working trying to get a program finished. I kind of knew it may be an issue and thought I should mention it to one of the analysts, when then made it a big issue and it got pushed up to the director. So now I need to work all next week trying to get it done.
Meanwhile Lisa will be off trying to get moved. Finally. As that day grows closer I sense she is getting a little more independent. I think she has a plan she doesn't want exposed. Lisa has these text conversations that she tries to hide. It is with her married co-worker. Lisa says his marriage is tanking and I just leave it at that. While I don't make any judgements I just can't see how this ends well for her. Nor for me either.
And now we are neighbors.
I started reading a new book. It's a book that was a movie I'd seen and always liked. In Her Shoes. It is kind of a girlie book but I always seem to like them. It's a life I wish I had. I'll never lose hope.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Deja vu all over again.

Now, where was I? Yesterday? Same things as the day before pretty much. I find myself really looking forward to being off for a week. I know I should make concrete plans or at least ask Lisa what she might plan but I feel that things need to be loose and unspecified. I have tons of little projects that I've been putting off so I really hope to get a lot of those done. I may need to create a check list of sorts. I had been putting things off while I helped Lisa get herself situated.
I was heading home last night and Lisa sent a text telling me to stop in once I was home. She has gradually been spending more and more time at her new home. She pretty much just goes back to the old place just to sleep. So I get there and her place is empty. I figured she was running an errand so I sent a brief text and headed back to my place. Then I saw Lisa's sister Ellen waving to me from her car across the street. It seems they were moving furniture that have been divvied up between three cars. Ellen's, Lisa's and Carmine's. Yes - it was the "trailer park" moving company experience. With that, I helped get all the pieces of furniture up the stairs and put together. Since there were so many I did need to do much. However it was the first time there was a comfortable place to sit at her house.
I had not had dinner yet but even though I was hungry I figured dinner would be optional. Lisa has been stressing and with that she is missing meals a lot. It took a little longer than an hour before everything was in it's place and everyone started to leave. I wasn't sure what I should so and I considered heading home but I delayed and then Lisa poured 2 drinks so I stayed for a bit. I'm starting to feel this is becoming a routine. Then she once more lamented about how she wishes things could have been better between her and C. I just listened and let her talk. I told her it may take a while before she settles in and embraces her new home. I have trouble when she is like this because I am feeling like I want to celebrate and she is sad.
So to lighten the mood or at least change the context I told her I needed some help at my house. Is that the best thing? I don't know. What I really want to do is take her into the bedroom and have my way with her.
I went to my house and it has been very neglected. I have boxes that needed to be stored and other boxes that needed to be taken to dumpster. I was half done when Lisa came by to help. By the time we were done I'd worked up a bit of sweat. Okay, it was a lot of sweat. No making any moves like that. Don't expect that will ever happen. She left for home at about 9. I wasn't unhappy to see her go. I keep hearing her telling me years ago that I should not have hopes when it comes to her. Besides I needed to make dinner. Same old, same old.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Where did the weekend go?

The weekend felt more like a single day off than 2. I actually found myself late on Sunday thinking it was only Saturday. Of course I knew it was Sunday but I was so busy the weekend being over just felt wrong. The only good thing I can look towards is I'll be off for a week once this week ends.
I am still spending a lot of time with Lisa. Now that she is my neighbor I can just walk over and see her. She isn't quite there yet since she hasn't moved in yet. She only needs to get some furniture moved and then her cat needs to join her. She is putting it off. She was saying last night how sad she is about leaving C. No one else is sad about it. Next week it will be official. 
I did do other things. I spent some time at Carolyn's house on Saturday trying to fix her lawnmower. I couldn't get that to run. It was just a short visit since she is totally dedicated to passing her summer school work. She doesn't not seem like she has directions but she is driven. I just know she and I will never connect. I get the distinct feeling she will slip away by the end of summer.
I also got my boat out with my friend Chris. It started with a whimper as there was not a hint of breeze. Then the wind picked up and we enjoyed a great time out on the water. Then as we pulled down the sails and headed for home my engine stalled. I briefly tried to start it but then called TowBoat and got back to the slip. Once in the slip I made a few more attempts to start up the engine and low and behold, it fired up. I may have had some water in the gas or I may need to get some substantial work done. Either way I will have it looked at next week while I am off.
Just another crazy weekend.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

What is the opposite of Indian Summer?

Today is Tuesday and I made it into work. I have this urge to take a day. I only have 8 more working days before I get a week off to relax and take care of some home project I'd like to get done. Feels like forever before it gets here.
My laptop at home is broken. Probably not going to be noticeable from here since I never seem to use it on weekends. But I tried to use it and it seems like it is dead. I'm hoping it's just the power cord and I'll replace that and hope for the best. It may also be the batter has reached the end of it's life but that seems less likely. I don't get any indications from plugging it in that it's charging. I hope it is okay. I can afford to replace it but I can't deal with getting all the software working again.
Not much else going on. Last night I stopped in to see Lisa at her new place. Still not moved yet but like every night she is getting things ready. It seems like she is about done. Move in day will either be this weekend or next weekend. She is delaying most out of concern for her cat. At least that is what she is saying. I also think she just doesn't want to leave C just yet. He was there last night putting up her window treatments. My visit was very brief. I had errands to run and didn't want to intrude.
I had a Mother's Day card that I thought I might give to my sister but never did. I also though Carolyn might like it but when Mother's Day came and went I realized I still had the card. So I added birthday wishes to it and mailed it to Carolyn. Even though it's late for both I have a hope she will like the thought.
There is this little voice in my head that tells me Carolyn is still my best chance for romance. That chance is small. Very small.
The weather has been very cold and rainy. Not even close to what you might expect for June. Hopefully that changes soon. I was coming home last night and as I was walking to my door I got this sensation that is was October. I almost expect to see the leaces on the trees start to change. I guess you could almost call it Indian Winter.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Weekend recap.

Weekend was spent helping Lisa get her new place in order. She doesn't have much to do but still hasn't made the move yet. So we finished up early on Friday and Lisa, her sister Ellen and I went to my house for snacks and vodka tonics. At about 9:30 I flipped the TV to the Met game and kept the sound off. Then I saw Baxter smash into the wall and turned the sound on. The announcer said the catch preserved the no-hitter! I looked at Lisa and Ellen and exclaimed that nobody was going anywhere until there was either a hit or the last out. With each pitch the excitement grew. All the years I've been watching Met games I'd always wanted to see a no-hitter pitched by my guys. Finally it happened. I went outside to my neighbor across the street and was jumping up and down. Lisa and I once had Saturday Season tickets for the Mets so it was great she was there to share it.
I celebrated pretty hard. But Ellen had a bit more to drink than she should have so I convinced her to leave her car and I gave her a ride. Her husband Frank was visiting his sick mother so she considered staying on my couch but I was fine so I took her home. I had a very strange vibe like Ellen has an attraction for me. She once told me that Lisa and I should to get together. Why is it always the wrong sister? Twenty minutes after dropping off Ellen I was home.
Next morning Lisa starts texting me before my alarm was even going off. We knew we needed to get Ellen's car back to her and Lisa wanted to take care of it even though I had promised I would. At 6 AM I would agree to anything. I went back to bed and didn't wake again until about 9. I spent the rest of the morning getting my A/C units into the windows. Of course now that it is done is gone cold and rainy.
By the afternoon I was again with Ellen and Lisa helping with the move. All of a sudden I am getting random text messages from everyone. Coleen, who I haven't heard from or seen in a month suddenly wanted me to join her and her friend Barbara for dinner. But Lisa asked me to have dinner so I told Coleen no. Then I got a text from Carolyn who I had promised to go boating with. It was her birthday on Sunday as well. Then I got calls from Jimmy and Chris. It is either feast of famine.
I ended my night in the drive way of Lisa's old house that she still shares with her ex-fiance. I reluctantly gave her a quick good night kiss before she went into her house. It is so strange that she still stays there. Still morning the dead relationship while I am home alone.
It is for this reason I felt no remorse taking Carolyn out for the day on Sunday. I am perplexed by Carolyn. She indicates she want to see more of me. She just refuses to get sexual with me even though I tell her I'd like to see her more often and want it to lead to something. It is very frustrating.
We had a nice day but the weather got crummy and I took her home early. She wanted me to stay for dinner, but she also wanted to work and I figured I would just go hand out at the bar.
That was my weekend.... nothing new or exciting but for me it was a lot crammed into just 2 days.

Friday, June 1, 2012

Many options but few choices

Good morning. It's another Friday. The beginning of another weekend. And another month. June is finally here.
It is Carolyn's birthday today. She is 50. I texted her this morning and her response was that she is officially old. I want to give her a reason to celebrate but how can I do that when she reacts like that. I'll have to wait and see. Right now I'm thinking she just wants to be left alone.
Last night I got home and made myself dinner and not much else. I thought I might be helping Lisa get the rest of the painting done at her house. She never called me and I peaked out the window and saw Carmine's car parked. I figured if her was helping her and she wasn't calling me I should just stay home. I didn't want to be the second rooster in the hen house. Turned out to be a good thing as she did eventually call me after Carmine had left. Turns out she had new Mark there with Carmine. I am left wondering if that was tense. The new guy and the old guy both there at the same time. While I doubt Lisa planned it I've seen her make the most of those kind of situations. I was glad to have not been there.
I did go there and helped her take the garbage out to the dumpster. She seems to be about done. Yet she won't move for at least another week and maybe 2 weeks. She will still be doing stuff so we will see.
With that I am not sure what to expect. I may get Carolyn to go out for her birthday. Or I may just help Lisa with whatever she may do. Or I may just do something like what I did last week and see Janet. Or I could do none of them and just stay home.