Sunday, December 30, 2007

Maybe not such a lost weekend after all

I was feeling better so at areounf 3:30 I headed out the door and made it into the bar to watch football. I got there and of course Jami and Chris are ther and Linnie was behind the bar. I thought I would just have a beer or two and go home for dinner.

I was actually enjoying the game when just before halftime in strolls Coleen. (With one "l" ... before I thought it was with 2). So she says hello to everyone before she noticed me there. She gave me a nice hello and mentioned to me how I'd been missed while I was home sick the last 2 days. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and wished me Merry Christmas. So we talked and somehow we exchanged phone numbers. But then she mentions how my wife would be upset if she called ... I'm answering "wife? what wide? I'm divorced longer than you are." She somehow thought I might be married and was just feeling me out. Somehow from there we were playing with text messaging on our cell phones when suddenly she said she needed to go. And out the door she went.

Obviously I'm trying to make more of this than there is. If something happens I'll be as shocked as anyone. Still she must know I'm interested by now. Still the best advice I've gotten is to just come right out and say how I feel.

To be continued.....

A lost weekend

Been home the entire weekend. I've been dealing with a cold for the second time this month. I missed drinks with Lisa and some our mutual friends ... okay so they are really her friends but I know most of them. Then last night we postponed the Christmas dinner with Janet and Roberta and others. Roberta is just as sick as I am. So now I don't when that will happen.

So my entire weekend has been spent inside. That's pretty much been my Christmas season. Mostly spent by myself. No parties, barely making it out into the world for anything. I feel so old. Like I'm done. I just hope it's just a temporary thing. That I will soon have better days. At least I know most of my friends seem to miss me. I just hope I can have a little fun on New Years Eve. If I don't feel better I may just skip that too.

I also missed out on seeing my parents before they left for Florida on Saturday morning. I was afraid to see dad with a cold. I wouldn't want to take a chance on him coming down with anything. He suffers from emphyzema and a mere sniff of a cold puts him in an oxygen tent in ICU. So I stayed in.

So I'm watching Sideways on TV. There is a moment in that movie where they all have a picnic with wine at sunset. Brings me to my boat when I've had a few moments close to that. The only thing really missing is the falling in love part.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Here comes the weekend

I've been trying write this all day. I'm down with a cold so it's been diffecult to stay on top of things very long.

Now that Christmas is over now I can look forward to New Year's. I have quite a bit planned and being under the weather it's iffy as to whether I'll get to anything. Tonight is Friday but I think I'm staying in so I can feel better for the rest of the weekend.

Last night I went to see Lisa at her house. I was starting to feel the start of a head cold in the middle of the day and considered cancelling but we haven't seen each other in so long I felt I needed to make it. So I went even though I was very uncomfortable and really was looking forward to going home to bed. I only stayed until 9:30 and got home at 10 and went right to bed. Exciting- huh?

The rest of the weekend should be better.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry Christmas

This is the entire family at Christmas Eve dinner. That's me in the back row third from the left standing next to dad. It was a fun night.

I managed to get my shopping done. Barely. Then on the way home from shopping Sunday night my car engine blew. Smoke and horrible smell. I was literally 2 blocks from my door. So now I have another car. I will tell the rest of this story in a later blog.

I was unable to get together with Lisa at all. To much going on made it impossible to find a time we could stop and have our annual Christmas egg nog. I guess that really ended last year anyway.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Getting through Christmas one day at a time.

Sorry - no new pictures today. No pictures until after Christmas. I got out with Janet and Roberta the lasy 2 evenings. Nothing big. Just doing what we always do. Drinking in a bar. Got home early too. I've been home watching tv since 8:30.

Lisa called me a while I was out. Seems like the only conversations we have occur while she is in her car driving somewhat and I have only minutes to say anything. Not really feeling the love. I guess Carmine is priority now. I mentioned this to Roberta who really tore into me. I just feel like Lisa is forcing this relationship to be more than it really is. Perhaps I'm just jealous and Roberta is right.

As long as I feel that way I am a little uncomfortable making any plans with Lisa. She's been asking about getting together before Christmas and I've been avoiding committing to anything.

I stopped at my sister's this afternoon to see me niece Katie and nephew Max who are back from being away at school in Geneseo. It seems that Kaie's boyfriend Sean broke up with her yesterday. She was crying in her room. I talked to her and maybe I made her feel better.


This is Katie on a better day.

Monday, December 17, 2007

How is Lisa?

Lisa sent me some pictures from her night out with Carmine. They went into New York and saw the tree at Rockefeller Center. They are spending more and more time together so I see Lisa less and less. Even though I want to be happy for her new found love life I am still feeling a little left behind and jealous. The only consulation I have is that I am keeping busy with other friends and barely miss her. Carmine really does love Lisa. He treats her far better than any other guy she has been with before.

Last Friday Lisa asked me to delete and email address that belonged to her sister Ellen. I was a little uncomfortable doing it but I did it, no questions asked. It seems that Ellen's husband Frank was snooping into Ellen's privacy, mostly because in the past she hasn't been the faithful wife. She was having an affair with her boss where she works about 2 years ago. She got caught when Frank hacked into her email.

So my deleting her email means he is suspisciously looking at her emails again. So is she cheating again? Why else would she be hiding her emails? It's so sad how there is no trust anymore. I really want to limit my involvment.

What really scares me is Lisa's attitude is similar. I don't think she has ever really looked at her relationships as exclusive. Most of the guys she has been with have something else going on. Either a wife, a fiance, a girlfriend they live with or an ex-wife they aren't quite divorced from. And Lisa seemed to prefer that. This always worked fine for me becuase it usually left her Saturday's available to spend with me.

So that's what makes the last few weekends so unusual. She has been spending her entire weekends with Carmine. It might be the first real healthy relationship she's had since I know her. But lately I see cracks in the armour. She was chatting with me about how uncomfortable she is with someone there around the clock. She wants to have a Christmas drink and invite all her "other" friends. Mostly guys she likes. I'm curious to see how she handles the next few weeks. It's better for me if I stay away.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

It's Saturday

Last night was about what I expected. Talked to everyone. Nothing much happened. Mike PC was there. Janet, Jamie and Roberta too. Stayed out too late, spent too much money and still went home alone without getting any new connections. Saw Colleen and she's obviously not as interested in me at all. She was there only for an hour or so. I bought her a drink at least. I did find out some new things though. She is divorced and once lived in Atlanta. She is back 5 years which I can only assume means that's when her marriage ended. She also has a boyfriend who she seems to like a lot. She is a smoker. She got her cigarettes out and she was going outside to smoke one when she asked me if I smoke, I said no. I almost wished I'd said yes but that's just stupid, right. I thought there went my chance for a real one-on-one conversation. But you know what... if she really liked me we would have that without me smoking. I'll just let it go. I'll just be "Mike The Friend" like I always am.

I did manage to get one good picture of Janet and Roberta

I left at the same time as Janet. But we didn't have a long goodbye... just a "c'ya tomorrow" and poof she was gone. Roberta was still there with her daughter Tara and Tara's husband Chris. I don't know what I'm doing tonight... maybe staying in.   

I also went to the boat to check on it and see the lights....

It's really hard to see the lights when they put huge spotlights on the water but at least I can tell if the power is on without opening up the boat.

Lisa .... she was in NYC with Carmine last night. She was telling about some stuff with her sister yesterday. That's going to have to be another entry.

Friday, December 14, 2007

It's Friday

Poor Tigger scratching at the door to go outside and play. But it's snowing and icy.

It's been a week from hell. I had a plan to see Janet on Thursday night. I was down to my last few dollars until I got paid on Thursday. So I thought I had it worked out pretty well. I needed gas in the car but I'd be working from home on Wednesday so I figured I had enough to make it back and forth to the train 2 times and not go anywhere on Wednesday and I could get gas on Thursday.

Everything was working out well right up until Thursday. It started to snow around 11 so at 11:30 I thought I better go and while I was out I should stop at the grocery store. Yeah ... I had no food in the house either. So I put my empty deposit bottles in the car and start it up. Then I get out and scrape the ice off the windows. It took about 5 minutes. I get in and put in gear and it stalls. Uh-oh. Yeah - that's right. No gas. I had to walk in the sleet/snow to the gas station gas and a gas can to put it in. Took a couple of hours.

Meanwhile I'm missing work and they are looking for me. So I get all that done and get back to work ... It's like 2:30. I missed a little but I managed to catch up pretty quickly. Mostly I'm concerned because now I have an unexplained absence. I'll work through that.

But it's still snowing and it's getting real icy. I have to blow off Janet because I just have no confidence that I can make it home again once I go out. I really wish I had a new car. My car is 11 years old and it's been a hard 11 years. If I had money I would for sure be getting another car.

I was really looking forward to getting out. So now it's Friday and Janet says she has a wake to go to. I guess I'll catch up with her at some point. Not that we are dating. Maybe I'll get to talk to Colleen again.

If I don't get the chance to blog tomorrow it's probably a good thing. It's means I'm living the life and not whining about it.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Sunday doings

So I spent my Saturday night with my sister's family to celebrate my nephew Charlie's 16th birthday. It was okay and not much more to add to that. So I felt like I could get out a little on Sunday. Believe it or not Roberta called me Sunday to see if I wanted to come to have a drink with her and anyone else who might show up.

It turned into a really good time. There were more peoplr out than on friday night. All i expected was to lay low at home and watch football. But wait it gets better ... first some of the pictures;

Janet drinking a beer. She never has beer. It's always white zin. But she says the kind they serve gives her a headache.

There's Roberta ... but look in the background... that's Coleen. She's really cute and I've been eyeing her since Thanksgiving. I think she likes me but guess what... there's a boyfriend. There was a big scene with him and her. I guess they are on the rocks ... or at least I hope they are. Bad bad thoughts. So I have that on my mind tonight.

I only heard from Lisa when I called her. She kind of was a no-show all weekend. I'm feeling a little like I'm being pushed to the background now that she has this great relationship. Part of me feels bad about it and another part feels like maybe it's the best thing for me. Now maybe I can actually move on. I don't expect to see her on Christmas or New Years.

I'd like to see if I can have something more with Coleen. While we had a short conversations ... maybe only the second one we had ... I felt something there. She said I had bad bed head ... which I did... but she was running her fingers through my hair. I probably shouldn't read too much into it but it really turned me on. I wonder what I should do next. I'm define going to ask her to go out - dinner? The boyfriend ... not sure how much that means. Damn - why does it always happen around the holiday and I have no money? Fuck the credit card payment.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Christmas lights

I put Christmas lights on the boat. It wasn't really that dark when I took pictures so I've got to go back and see if I can try again. It's still a work in pogress.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Why can't life be like a Christmas special ?

The holidays always bring us those moments we can only ever see in those movies and specials on TV. All though the movie everyone is lonely, poor, sad, dying and lacking any holiday spirit. Then by the end everyone has a love, job, money and live happily ever after. It's just a shame real life is so different. Life does not change just becuase it's Christmas. Once I've come to grips with that the stress seems to diminish.Great... only took half a century.

I thought the picture below look like a more appropriate holiday dinner... take out chicken, beer, hats at the talbe. The hostess with cleavage is nice too.





Monday, December 3, 2007

I just realized it's a new day

All my days are starting to blend together. Still a little down from my cold but definately on the mend. I must get out and do laundry tomorrow. I'm still working from home til Wednesday.

My day started with an email from Roberta. She wants to plan next week already and so do I. But I'm also considering if it's such a good idea. I know we are all being just friends and I should just not have hopes for more but it's hard to just try to accept things as they are and instead of how I wish they would be. I keep looking for any sign of affection when I know it's already way past the time that could ever happen without it feeling just really stupid. It's the kind of thing that can't just happen any more. It would feel forced unless there was a long dicussion and I've never been able to work up that conversation and have it end well.

I've been thinking about my discussion with Mike PC about his little "drive-by" of Reberta's house. Is it obsessive behavior? Maybe a little. But I've heard worse horror stories than that and maybe even found myself in the midst of similar acts. But never with someone who so obviously is not interested in me. And who knows what that first step is to being a full blown stalker. It all gets creepier and creepier. So I'm not second guessing myself for calling in on it even if he wants to make everyone believe it was simply a wrong turn that brought him to the house. He needed to know what we were thinking. Now let's see what happens next.  

Sunday, December 2, 2007

You can't beat quality time with your cat

It's been just me and Tigger all weekend. From Friday night, when he disappeared for an hour through Sunday night I've been pretty much flying solo at home. Mostly it's this cold I've been fighting all week. Also I need to be really thrifty. The rent is due and I need to wait until Thursday before I can even pay it.

I did get phone calls from Janet, Mike PC, and then finally Roberta. No one had any plans either. I wonder if I was more able could I have talked them into something. I wish my house was better and I could have people here. So as far as I know no one had much to do this past weekend so I didn't miss anything.

We got a little snow last night. The picture was take early in the morning in Bayville by John. His plan was to go scuba diving but I'm pretty sure he never made it into the water. If he did good luck to that. No way am I going diving in the snow. Tigger got out in the snpw this morning. I don't think he likes it much. He came right back in and hasn't made much of a fuss to go outside today.

I did make it down to the boat yesterday before the snow..

It sits in the marina riding out the cold. This picture was taken 2 weeks ago before I moved it into it's winter slip. I'll get one of that next weekend. Hopefully there won't be any ice. I have 2 heaters going inside the boat so it should be nice and warm. It's a long way to Summer though.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

It's December already?!

I'm still suffering with a cold. Seems like I've been dealing with this way too long. It's really only been 5 days but it feels like it's different every day. Sometimes sneezing, sometimes coughing and sometimes it feels like I'm not sick at all. But every morning I wake up feeling horrible.

I had a very disturbing conversation with Lisa last night. She had been complaining about pain in her abdomin. She went to the doctor early yesterday. When she mentioned she was going to the doctor a few days ago I just figured she was going in for a regular checkup. So last night around 5:30 my phone rings and it's Lisa. She wanted to talk about her trip to the Dr. She told me it's a little complicated. You may recall that just passed away from cancer last July. So any little thing should cause concern.

First off, while she lived in Arizona Lisa had been losing skin from her neck and chest area that is exposed to the sun. I just figured her fair skin had made her peel and she should stay out of the sun. The doctor thinks it's a serious problem with her immune system and she needs to go to a dermitologist and have it checked. When they discussed her pain in her abdomin Lisa said the doctor pointed right where her ovaries are and said if it's there it may be a problem. Lisa had always thought it may be liver problems becuase she likes to drink wine. The doctor recommended a sonogram to make sure.

She left the doctor thinking with the doctor saying she should set up an appointment sometime in January which would indicate nothing too serious. But then just before she called me the doctor called her and told her she should have it done as soon as possible. While we talked my first impulse was to try to minimize the possibilities, but after a few minutes I was really feeling scared for her. I was having flashbacks to when Janet told me her mom was going to the doctor for a little pain and that turned out to be very serious and she died within a few months.

So I told Lisa to stay positive but follow the advice of the doctor and get the sonogram right away. We then talked about all the possible scenarios. Removing the overaies or even a hysterectomy would leave Lisa unable to bear children. This made me very sad but she states she never ever felt she would have children anyway so it doesn't bother her that much. 

During all this time I realized my cat Tigger had been out and usually her wouldn't stay out more than 20 minutes or so before he would be back at the door meowing to come back in. Especially now... it was cold and dark. He had been gone about an hour. I put my coat on and walked up and down the street calling his name. This would ususally have him running to door but still no sign. I get a little concerned because he's been an indoor cat more than an outdoor cat and there was no way he would last very long outside. I also knew that the properties that border my backyard have a wall that's 4 feet lower than mine and Tigger likes to walk along that edge. So I grab a flashlight and shimmy between fences and walk along the wall. As I walk along I am also listening hoping his meow. I point my flashlight into the darkness and I see 2 pinpoints of light in the bushes at the bottem of the brick wall. Tigger had somehow gotten down and was unable to climb back up. I'm not sure who was more relieved, him or me. I jumped down and picked him up and put him back on the higher level. He must have been desperate to get up because he hesitated long enough for me to get back up and then he headed straight back to the house. He was cold and hungry and spent the rest of the night sleeping on my lap or on the couch next to me.      

Monday, November 26, 2007

Post Thanksgiving

Jamie, Janet and Roberta at Friday night leftover turkey feast.

I can't believe I've not made an entry for 2 weeks. Quite a bit going on too.

Lisa is enjoying her new apartment. I got to visit for dinner. I am number 2 in her life now as Carmine is now staying over most weekend nights. Lisa and I had dinner Saturday night but we were both wiped out by 9 o'clock so it ended pretty early. Sunday though she came to my boat and assisted me getting the boat ready for it's winter hibernation. With her halp I can feel pretty safe that the boat will be fine for the winter.

After we finished doing that it was such a nice afternoon we decided to go to have a drink at the Soundview. We were joined by Roberta. Lisa had always felt a distance from Roberta so it was a good chance for them to connect without all the others getting involved. They both called me later and told me how much they liked the day.

And what am I doing during all this? Trying to strike up a good conversation with Sue (Bubbles). I made the mistake of confessing to Roberta how attractive I think she is so now she thinks I should be getting a phone number and calling her. The thing is I don't get a vibe from her that she even knows who I am. Another story for another day.

This is Sue

So I spoke to Lisa this morning who told me that she had Carmine over last night. After spending the afternoon with me she had more company. I mustn't let it botherr me but it kind of does. Jealousy rears it's ugly head. Maybe I bring that on to myself. I had actually been trying to no connect with Lisa and I had been doing a good job for about 2 weeks. Really just that one visit. I keep telling myself that she needs to get away from me as much as I need to get away from her.  

On Friday Jamie, Roberta, Judy, Chris and I had dinner at Janet's She made a great dinner from thanksgiving leftovers. We purposely left Mike-PC out. He has been over pursuing Roberta to the point where she feels stalked. He mentioned at Thanksgiving that he made a wrong turn on the way and drove by Roberta's house even though Roberta was with her family.He obviously didn't really make a wrong turn... just wanted to see where she lives since it's a good 5 blocks away. So after hearing that she said he just can't be a part of our dinner, which I knew anyway. I am so tired of talking about him and his freakish fetish with Roberta.

I also realized that Jamie seems to be more attracted to me that I want. Roberta hinted to me about that and I'm just hoping it doesn't turn into any more. It's kind of nice to know I could still have someone attracted to me but why does it end up being the last person I want. Maybe I'll have more on this at a later date.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Jay Black concert

Saturday night I went to see Jay Black (Jay and the Americans). I took Roberta who was the perfect one to go with, she was boppin' with me for every song. The picture was taken at dinner earlier in the evening.

It was kind of a Roberta weekend. Friday night we went out to dinner at the twice a year wine tasting event that is at local area restaurnts. This one was at one of our regular hangouts... The Soundview. We go there so often we've been calling it "the Club" because it's situated on a public golf course. While we often go there for drinks we rarely ever eat there. So the wine tasting was a nice treat.

I had asked Roberta to go to the concert earlier in the week so I already knew we would be going but I hesitated to call it a "date" since Roberta always wants to insist on us being "just friends". It seems I'm using a lot of quotes today. So as soon as we sat down at the table with Jamie and PC Mike she immediately brought up how much she was looking forward to our first date. One of the reasons I didn't really think I should say too much is theat PC Mike has had a huge crush on Roberta and I knew he would get all twisted out of shape, which even though he tried to hide it, he did.

And it also seemed like Roberta wanted to rub his nose in it. This was because he gave her some business about how she needs to more mature. He really wants her to be his girlfriend and his ego really isn't handling the rejection so great. That's really his problem, not mine.

I am really in the same boat as PC Mike since I like Roberta a lot too. The big difference is I don't really see her liking me that way so as always I just go with the flow. In that way I sort of envy Mike that he puts it right on the line. The thing is though that he can't ever let it go.

What's really making it tough is Roberta is really fun to be with. We had such a great time. Friday niight I probably had more wine than I should have, but in a fun way. I guess I was flirting with Roberta too. She's so different that Janet that way. I jsut love to be near her and I feel like she likes me to be attentive to her. Just only in a plantonic way. If we are out in a crowd we always need to find each other. It's like we just need that spark to light the flame and we just can't. It's very similar to how it is with Lisa a lot of the time.

So Saturday I went to pick Roberta up at her house ... like a real date. I half expected her to want to meet me somewhere so she could avoid that awkward moment at her door. So it was a great surprise to have to go to her house before and pick her up. To be honest it's been quite some time since I did that. In fact, the whole evening felt like something I hadn't done in a really long time. We shared dinner and made it to the concert in plenty of time. We shared some wine and sang and clapped for all the songs we knew. I could tell she was having a great time and so was I.

The concert was over 3 hours but it felt like it was less than an hour. I was a little sad to have to end the night. But it was close to midnight when we got back near Roberta's house and she wasn't really interested in going out for a nightcap. She did ask me if I was okay to drive home... which I countered with "are you inviting me in?" She just said  "that's not happening" ... which I knew. So I pulled into her drive way and got the usual peck of a kiss and she was gone in a flash. I left happy even if the date didn't have a "happy ending". Yes... once more with the quotes.

I doesn't look like I'll ever really feel that closeness that comes from a sexual relationship but it is nice to know I can go out on a date with some one and have a good time. I hope I never lose that.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

A Day In The Life

Spent my day listening to Beatle songs. I always can't stop myself from singing along. It was a good day.

Last night I called Roberta who didn't answer. This morning I got an email from her explaining how she had to work late and wasn't up to making any phone calls. So we exchanged a series of emails. The long and short of it is I asked her to join me for the Jay Black concert. She said yes. So we will be having dinner at the wine tasting on Friday and then dinner and a concert on Saturday. Let's hope I don't end up regretting it.

Roberta also told me she had a very ugly exchange with Mike (PC) on Saturday. Seems he had lunch with Janet but really wanted to see Roberta. Then he called her after to chastise her about how she needs to get her priorities in order. I'm not sure if he really needs to be calling her out like that. So she is really mad about it. He will also be at the wine tasting so it will be interesting to see how he handles himself in her presence. He already has me annoyed about what he said to Lisa. He's on a pretty short leash with me right now.  

Monday, November 5, 2007

It's just me and Tigger again

No picture today. Spent much of the weekend helping Lisa move to Northport. It's amazing how quickly you get used to sharing your space with someone. Part of me is glad to have my place all to myself again but it was so nice having someone great to talk to. I'll miss having her so close to me.

Now that she is in her own place I get a sense that she will start seeing Carmine more and more. As far as I could tell he was there the entire weekend. I don't think I'll be going there as much if they are constantly together. It makes me feel real odd. Very much the fifth wheel. It also is how it should be. That little voice in my head keeps saying it's time to let it go. Lisa and Carmine are a couple and I'm just a friend. I wish I could find a reason to not like Carmine but he is the first guy in Lisa's life who is in love with her. It's hard not to respect that but I do feel a little left out. On the other hand Carmine is so quiet and laidback I'll be curious to see if Lisa really stays the distance. I wonder what they talk about.

So now I get to find out what's next. Last Saturday I joined Janet and Mike for dinner. Hated it. Janet was not interested in anything I had to say. Neither was Mike. Most of the night I felt invisable. I even said something but it just went right past them. Next week I am going to a wine tasting on Friday and a concert on Saturday. I think I'm going with Roberta although that's not definate. I will make sure by Thursday.

Meanwhile it's Monday of a very quiet week. There won't be much for me to add to this but I'll try to come up with something.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

No entry yesterday

Meet The Beatles! cover

Yes - Meet the Beatles. The american album. And not the CD either. I still have a vinyl copy and a turntable. Hearing "I Want To Hold You Hand" as the first song. Which is how it should aways be.

Last night I shared a bottle of wine with Lisa. Then we had some vodka tonics. Makes me realize how bad we really are for each other. I'd probably dead or in detox in a year if we lived together. Her too. I wake up this morning ... seperate rooms again... and in the bathroom I see aspirin spilled on the floor. Lisa trying to cure a hangover at 3 a.m. At least I was asleep by 10.

I also had the craziest dream last night. I was playing softball and was in leftfield. Mike Grittani and Rich Tanner were playing too. I kept misplaying the ball then not being able to throw it. Guys running around the bases and me not being able to make a play. Woke up very frustrated. I guess it's better than the panic attacks I was getting a year ago.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Lisa wants to know what I'm typing

Lisa moved to her new apartment on Friday. She was staying with her parents but after a few days with her mom she called me and I said she should stay with me for the few days before she can move. So we have been cohabitating since last Friday. Of course she is sleeping on the pullout couch and I'm in my bed. But it's been nice having her here.

So last night we are both watching tv and I was looking at my blog and responding to some comments and she is asking me who I am writing to. Now there is a big problem if she reads this. She would probably not be surprosed by anything she reads but if she starts reading this it could change how I write. So I sort of lied and told her it was an email from an AOL pal. Now she is all curious about who that might be. I can't let her know I have a blog. She is pretty smart and she will find it.  

So it's been 4 days and I find myself looking forward to her leaving. I guess too much of anything can be bad.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Tigger and Me

Since Sylvester passed away it's just me and Tigger now. We've become inseparable when I'm home. Used to be he would try to go outside and if I let him Sylvester would have a fit and then try to fight him when he would come back inside. I would actually have to separate them until they calmed down.

Sylvester never had any interest in the world outside my door. After he passed away and I had to work from home I could set my computer outside and enjoy the outside air. Tigger would stand at the door and meow until I finally let him come out with me. He would always walk around the property and disappear for 30 minutes or so. Then reappear and stay right by me. Now he goes outside but sits just outside my back door waiting for me to come out.

I also decided he sould try the boat. We spent a weekend in September on the boat. He did fine at the dock but when I took him out for a sail he got a little sea sick. Not going to try that again until next year but I am considering trying a weekend away from the dock. It would be great if I could take a trip and he could be with me.

I took him to the vet on Saturday and he got a clean bill of health. After my last experiance at the vet I was more than a little nervous. It's good to know he is in good shape. We should have lots more time together.


Saturday night was festive. There was a costume party and the entire group went. The pictures kind of tell the story. I went as Jonas Grumby a/k/a The Skipper from Gilligan's Island. It must have been okay as I was recognized. There were pirates everywhere. Not much originality there. Lisa tried to be Anna Nicole. She kind of pulled it off.

Lisa's guy Carmine came as a masked cowboy... maybe the Lone Ranger? There was a band and dancing but for some reason Carmine doesn't dance. Lisa says he's a little shy.

It was a fun night although Mike (Prince Charles look-alike) told Lisa not to break my heart. She told me about that on Sunday and it's the second time he's said that to her. I know he is only trying to help I wish he could mind his p's and q's. I also think I've become a topic on conversation more than I would perfer. It's the second time Mike has said something like that to Lisa and now I guess I will try to tell him to not interfere with my relationship with Lisa.

It was a crazy night. There is a picture of this girl I kind of had my eye on all night. Today I find out her name is Shannon. Did I go over and say hello on Saturday ... no. Why not? I wish I knew the answer but it's been so long since I've just walked up to someone now I've really got a defeatist attitude.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Lisa slept over

Lisa on the pull out couch. Not her best side but I do love that butt. If she ever sees this she will kill me.

She has been staying at her parents house until November 1st when she moves into her new apartment. She had a little tiff with her mom and I told her she should get some space. So she came to my place. She slept in my house but not in my bed. Still, it's fun to have her near me. Tigger seems to like her company too. We relaxed and drank some wine.

When I was away for a week in Florida visiting my dad she stayed there and watched Tigger for me. She did some much needed cleaning too. I've been having her around a lot. I hope I don't get too used to it.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Update - a who's who entry

Pictures from the beach

I may name drop a lot in this journal and rather than explain who is who in each entry I thought I would do a brief synopsis of everyone.

Lisa.Very, very complicated. I am very attached to Lisa. I really wish I could make a life with her but she refuses to let me. She seems to only like men who reject her... like married men, engaged men, men about to be engaged or men who are just plan defective. Right now she is splitting her attention with Carmine, her car mechanic and Alan, who lives in Florida. We talk to each other about everything. She calls me constantly. She went away to Arizona for a year and I thought we could gradually drift apart. It didn't happen. She would IM first thing in the morning and call me each night before bed.

   Janet (and me). We were neighbors more than 30 years ago but we were never friends until about 3 years ago. At first I really wanted to date her but I have long since gotten over that. I still think she is beautiful but there has never been any spark between us. Her mom passed away a year ago and she looked to me for comfort. We talk a lot.

Roberta. I like Roberta. Sometimes I think I see a spark of similar feelings from her. But it goes away before I can get her alone. In fact I think she has purposely avoided ever being alone with me.

Tracy. She seems to like me and initially I was attracted to her but after spending a little more time with her I realized that we could never work. And she is the type that would never get physical without some kind of declaration of love. Just don't feel it. Sorry... I can't seem to find a picture.

 Mike (a/k/a Prince Charles or P.C.) He joined our little group at the beginning of the summer. He wants to date Roberta really bad. Roberta has said he has no shot. It will be curious to see who wears down first.


Sylvester's story

Sylvester and Tigger.

Sylvester had to be put to sleep on July 23rd, the day after I took this picture. He had somehow developed a form of diabetes and did not respond to the medication prescribed by my vet. The condition was probably made worse by a rainstorm that caused my entire house to be flooded. It took a week to get the place dried out and get new carpets put in. That's a story for another day.

Sylvester and Tigger came to me more than 10 years ago from Jenny, my English friend. She was here as a nanny and then baby sitter. She got the cats despite my objections. When it came time for her to return home to the U.K. she discovered that the animal laws require that any pets from overseas be quarenteened in Customs for 6 months and the cost of boarding would be prohibitive. They were either coming to me or going to the pound and I had to take them. I couldn't say no. It was probably the best thing I've ever done.

I'd always thought of myself as a dog person but since I've had cats I now realize that having cats is the only way a single person can have a pet. They are great company and take very little effort to be cared for.

Sylvester and Tigger were supposedly born in the same litter. I could never see how they could have the same parents because they are so different. Sylvester prefered quiet and when new peope might come into my house he would hide. He was the more playful cat though. His favorite toy was simply a crumpled up piece of paper. He never ever wanted to leave the inside of the house.  

He was really MY cat. He only ever liked me. Even while he lived with Jenny he would only leave her bedroom when I came over. No one else was worth the effort. He loved to purr. I will miss him. I still think I see him when I first walk into a room.

When I went to the vet on that morning I knew what would likely happen. My decision was made when the vet told me that his kidneys were no longer functioning and he needed radical treatment and the costs would run into more than $1000. And even with that his would need insolin shots and constant care that I just could provide. His quality of life was never going to be what it was and he was very uncomfortable. I decided he didn't need to continue to suffer through all of that and asked the vet to put him to sleep. The vet agreed and said it's the proper thing to do. She said we needed to do it right away.

It was at that moment that I realized that I going to end his life. I really only then started to hit me. I got very emotional but I stayed there with him until the very end. As I felt his life slowly slip away my tears started to flow and it took me some time before I could compose myself. It was so hard to let go of his lifeless body as I left. I only hope my boy is in a better place.

I still have Tigger and I was very worried how he would be since he had never been without Sylvester. It's been a few months now and he's fine although he does seem to be very attached to me. But it's much easier on me with just one cat so I have no intention of getting a new friend for him. No kitten would replace Sylvester anyway.


Monday, October 22, 2007

End of the day

I'm going to try to include at least one image with all my entries. I'm also going to try to be as positive as I can. From spending some time reading other blogs and re-reading my own I can see most people seem to use this space to vent out their frustrations. After a while I start believing all anybody does is complain. It can get very tiresome.

So what's the picture about. That is the scene from last Memorial Day weekend. Has to be one of my 10 best days of the summer. I had a barbeque in the park and I am hoping I can make this an annual event. The picture is of most of the stuff I carted from my car to the picnic area ... without any assistance I might add. I was set up a full 2 hours ahead of time. At 9 o'clock there were fireworks. It was a great day. Unfortunately I got so busy I never got around to taking any other pictures.

Things happen for a reason

This is a response to a comment from Sue. She read my journal and wonders how I can be alone. Well Sue, I'm not really alone. I have so many friends I feel very lucky every day. Not having a girlfriend bothers me less and less every day and I now realize I'm alone because that's what I want to be.

I am truly in love with Lisa and have been for as long as I can remember. The comics this past Sunday has the Charlie Brown and Lucy football bit that prefectly illustrates how our relationship has gone over the years. Every fall Lucy gives Charlie Brown the chance to kick the football while she holds it. And everytime Charlie is about to kick the football Lucy pulls it away which sends Charlie Brown flying onto his back.

It's been pretty much the same with Lisa and I. We have come close a number of times but each time we've come close to some real intimacy (a.k.a. sex) she will back away.

All the other relationships in my like have taken a backseat to her. My friend Roberta urges me to read 'He's Just Not That Into You'. Is there a book out there for men? It's not as if I don't already know what I am doing. I've just decided to accept it and not obsess over it. Yeah right. You will see how that is working.

So I guess what I am trying to say is maybe I'm single and unattached because that is what I want to be. If I really wanted to have someone I would.


I'm back from a long hiatus

It's been a long time since I've added anything to this. I decided that I wanted to only add entries that are positive. I guess I was getting so down that for a month I didn't have much to add I just let this go. Well, I'm back with a shiny new attitude. I no longer have any expectations and I take the future as it comes. I hope for the best and prepare for the worst. In the coming weeks I will try to tell you about my last year in retrospect and not have too many spelling errors.

I find it diffecult to believe anyone actually reads this on a regular basis so if you do read it I could use a comment so I can draw some inspiration.