Hopeful? Maybe not the right word for my mood. Maybe I only want to be hopeful. It gets so hard not to be disappointed sometimes.
Since I had that long talk with Lisa that included a really great kiss we haven't really had more than a minute or 2 to talk. She must be avoiding me. I also don't want the confrontation. But it is making me very sad. I guess I miss the nice feeling I used to get when she gave me some of her time. Somewhere I can hear this little vioce in my head telling me this is what we should have been all along. No sense pining for someone that I'll never get. So I've been avoiding all the little things I could do to contact her. But I found myself thinking about doing a drive-by her house. Like that would fix things... fix what? Go back to what was there before? That's not healthy.
Wednesday night I squirrelled my cell phone into the bottem of my backpack and didn't notice a missed call until I was getting ready for bed. It was a number I didn't recognize. There was a voice message. To my pleasant suprise it was Janet calling from home. She wanted to know if I could go to a dinner/wine tasting next month. It was way too late to call back but I would definately go and needed to tell her. I send an email.... so impersonal .... and promised a followup phone call the next day. I need to get $50 to her and we agreed to maybe get together on Saturday. Saturday! That's, like, date night? I wish I had perspective. I still don't get a vibe from her that means anything other than she would like to be my friend. Part of me really wants to shy away from another woman who I like way too much to want friendship. All I really need is to be a little more aggressive but in a way that doesn't create tension. Well, maybe a little tension.
So I will try to take some action and have some more substance for this thing. Maybe make it worth reading one day.