Been running through my mind what has been happening with Lisa and I since we kissed on Labor Day. She is really keeping her distance. She initially seemed really confused... confessed to me that she couldn't sleep for 2 nights. So for the last 3 weeks she isn't as accessable and while this may be because she has quite a bit on her plate it's more than likely by design. Obviously she doesn't want to deal us as more than friends. I feel that down deep. And since I get that vibe I don't really want to spend too much time with her either. She's probably thinking if she stays away long enough it can all blow over.
I wonder what her sister Ellen said to her last weekend. She was there Saturday and Sunday. I can't figure out whether Ellen has influence over Lisa or not. I thought maybe she was pushing Lisa towards me last month and that's why Lisa was so open to the idea of us having more. But since then nothing has really happened.... in fact we are less close.
I've been thinking I should put my feeling into poetry. I'm not much of a poet but I want to touch her somehow. Right now all I have is jumbled up words and feeling that I am unable to express. Maybe if I write a poem I can read it to her and she will see how deep my feelings go.
Part of me wants to just let it all go and make a pass at Janet. I am so afraid of falling down.... it's not like I'm walking a tight-rope with out a net. I just need to feel something back before I can step off the edge. I will try to do this tonight.... poetry.
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