Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Just a short note.

I had a nice weekend. The weather was great and I spent the bulk of my time doing my springtime chores. I blew off Coleen. She was going to meet me at the gym but couldn't do it Saturday and then I couldn't on Sunday. Janet called me up and I ended up there for dinner with her and her kids. A very wholesome day that ended with us sipping wine on her porch while we watched daytime turn to night.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

What's new

Easter has come and gone. My family got together at my brother Barry's house. Here is a picture of everyone. The parents were in Florida and Katie is there visiting but other than them we were complete for this. Even Danielle and her new fiance were there ... that's him to the far right.

That was 2 weeks ago. In the meantime I've been keeping busy going to the gym and getting my boat prepped for launch. I've been getting out too but nothing more than the usual. Not really getting to the gym enough and it really hits for a few days after I go. It does give me a chance to see Coleen somewhere other than the bar. Still, nothing is happening there.

I also go to see not one but two Met games at the new Citi Field. I couldn't get tickets to any games last year and now I've been to 2 games in the first home stand. Unfortunately they lost both games I saw. Still it was fun to go. The first game I went with some guys from the office and then last Sunday I went with Mariana, her husband and Lisa.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

The End of another wasted week

I had a dream last night about my dead ex-wife. Like any dream is was very surreal and now the memory of it is very fuzzy. It was a sunny spring day and we were just sitting on a wooden swinging chair in a park. I awoke with this feeling of how I used to be in love and don't know if I'll ever get that back again. It has been so long since I'd felt ant romance I doubt I would even recognize it if it happened.

Thursday night Lisa came for dinner. Her time here was so short and I barely felt like we'd even started when it was time for her to go. We spent a lot of time talking about her family. Mostly it's her dad who is suffering from Parkinson's and is having serious problems. Even with that it was so nice having someone here just to talk to instead of just me and the cat every night. Seems like my only social contact comes at the bar.

Speaking of the bar I was there last night for a couple of hours. I wasn't planning on going but I got home and didn't have any other plan and I knew Coleen would be there so I hopped in the car and went. Coleen was talking to her friend Don who is like 70 years old. That's him in the picture above. Then I saw Janet and sat with her. Coleen wasn't there very long so we never had any real conversation which was sad. I didn't stay long after that.

It's Saturday and it's raining. I decided to give Coleen a call this morning and see if we can meet
at the gym. I found out when she left last night she went for a slice of pizza across the street with Jimmy. That's him in the picture with Roberta. It feels like she wants to get to know him. He is younger than me so if she likes him I'll need to deal with that. Don went to so it wasn't anything special, I just have this odd feeling that she has some interest.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Weekend life

This past weekend I had trouble staying up. It seemed that I couldn't stay awake past 10 o'clock. That includes Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday night. It all started on Friday when I struggled with my allergies. As the day went on my head just got more and more congested. So even though I went out on Thursday night for a few hours I stayed in on Friday. I figured my allergy attack was triggered by the dust and cat dander that was accumulating since my last vacuum. So my Saturday was all about cleaning the house. So I now live is a relatively spotless house.

While cleaning I had a phone conversation with Coleen about joining a gym. So when I ventured out I picker her up and we went and both joined up. So now I have to start exercising for the first time in years. My first trip was Sunday morning and I went and picked up Coleen and we both did an hour. I figure it will be good if I can get myself into a healthier lifestyle even if I'm only using it to spend a little time to see Coleen.

So after signing up on Saturday Coleen and I went to the bar. I had been called in the afternoon by Janet and she asked if I would join them for dinner. Since at that time I didn't expect to see Coleen I had said I would. Then later Coleen asked if I would like to have dinner with her and like an idiot I was stumbled over how to either say no to Coleen or get out of the dinner with Janet and her friends. Eventually I told Coleen I had committed to dinner and she said I should go and she would have a different plan for dinner.

So this is what's wrong with me. I went to dinner but I was miserable. I mean I did what I thought was the right thing by honoring my initial commitment and having dinner with Janet, Roberta, Jami and Judy. It also felt like i was being punished because I was seen with Coleen. All this does is remind me why I was staying home for most of the winter.

I am having trouble deciding how I feel about who my friends are right now. It all seems to revolve around my feelings for Coleen. The thing is if she is only available as a friend I can learn to live with that. The rest of my friends aren't around nearly as much so why should I be made to feel like that's bad. I don't know what long term will be but I do seem to enjoy myself more around Coleen than anyone right now even if we are only friends. I guess I will need to just see where thing go.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Strange Days

Last Monday I received an email from Win. I knew her from back in the 6th grade. She was my classmate and girl next door. She was also my first love although we were never romantic. I was just never able to be more than friends. She had married and moved away when I was 25. While we don't have regular conversations we have exchanged emails now and then, but rarely. We had lost contact several times where years went by without a letter or phone call. But I did see her and her family at a memorial event for her dad that was local. While I thought it would be a fun reunion, instead I felt a little like I had imposed and after that I figured I wouldn't really want to exchange anymore. So imagine my shock to get an email from her. We ended up trading emails back and forth from dinner until I shut down my pc at 10 p.m. Even at that she sent another email that I didn't see until I got to work the next day. What had inspired her to suddenly reach out to me I'll always wonder but doubt I'll ever find out. She is happily married and lives 1200 miles away. I'll always like hearing from her but I'll need to resist the impulse to try and maintain contact.

Then today I got an email from Mariana at work... another married woman friend. She is probably my oldest friend at work. Someone who I only ever talk to on rare occasions. She just wanted to see how i was. Suddenly everyone wants to know how I am. It's strange but it's not coming from the right people. Still it is validating. Mariana is about to turn 40 next week so I'll take her for a drink next week. She remembered my birthday last summer and even got me something at Christmas so I want to find her something before then. It'll be hard because I only know her through work and I don't know what she might like.
I also heard from Lisa today but then I hear from her most every day. Today however we made plans for dinner tomorrow. I'm cooking. So I have that to look forward to.
I haven't heard much from anyone in Glen Cove and nothing from Coleen since Saturday. I've been resisting the urge to call her. I will probably go to the bar on Friday. She will be there and after that I make no promises.