Monday, August 27, 2012


I am having the strangest month. Very manic. I'm up then I'm down, never just in the middle. For starters I'm having some issues at work. Apparently my director has it in his head I am not working up to par. I guess coming in early and working late is not good enough. I'm not going to vent about this too much but I'm feeling a little persecuted.
I went to see a minor league baseball game last week. The event was really about my Uncle Jack, who threw out the first ball. It was fun to see and there were cousins all over the place. The gave was at Coney Island in Brooklyn so that in itself was eventful. I no sooner get off the train when I see 3 cousins and my uncle heading away from the stadium. They wanted to ride the Cyclone, a really old roller coaster, which is a Coney Island icon. Oh and did I mention the first stop I made before this was to order a hot dog at Nathans? Yeah, I ate the hot dog and I joined them and rode the Cyclone. It was fun but it rattled my teeth a bit because I loosened a tooth. Well, not really a tooth, but a cap. Yeah, and it is now gone.
On Sunday I was swimming in the Long Island Sound and somehow lost the cap. It is somewhere at the bottom of the ocean. It's not just any tooth, but one of my front four. There will be no pictures of me for a while. I pretty much look like a redneck.
I hope to get an appointment and get it fixed quickly. At least by Thursday. This ended was was a fairly eventful weekend. It was the strangest thing. I felt like everyone wanted me to join them for something. I was outside on Friday night with Lisa to hear a summer concert. I saw Janet there and she wanted me to go to a new place, but since I had been doing the driving and Lisa and Eleen were not staying out late I begged off. But then she called me Saturday morning and I thought I'd see her later. It didn't happen.
I had planned to sleep in on Saturday morning, but at 7:30 my cell phone started ringing. I figured it was work or something and I ignored it until I finally got up at 8:15. Turns out it was Coleen of all people. She was going to the gym and I knew I should go and of course I wanted to see Coleen. So I went at 9 o'clock and she was there waiting for me. While there I'm getting text messages from Lisa and Janet. It was crazy. Why is everyone needing to talk to me at the same time. And not one of them actually likes my in "that" way.
So I try to take the advice I get and not spend more time than I need to with any of them but I inevitably give in and find myself with some one. Saturday it was Coleen. Sunday it was Lisa. And in between I was getting more text messages from Carolyn.
Nothing is going to come of any of it. I refuse to plan on anything with any of them. Mostly because none of them will commit to anything anyway. I will not get myself to caught up in any of their shit. Yet here I am writing about it all. Maybe things will work out but it just looks like this is how it is. And now to get that tooth fixed.  

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

I need a miracle to change my ways.

August us half gone and this is just my second post. Oh well, that's summer. If there was any thing going on I for sure would post it. I have not really taken advantage of the warm weather too much and gotten out. Seems like work has taken over my social life for the moment even though I'm not doing too well at the job. I got stuck in the office late the last 2 nights.
I have had some time to think, which is probably never a good thing. But my thoughts lately have been how I seem to follow a pattern of getting myself close to the women I'm attracted to but only as a friend. I sit and wonder if I do this and it isn't just an accident. Like my attraction grows if a woman is just nice to me but not in a sexual way. I don't know how to fix that.
I've also been thinking about the patterns other seem to have. I've been around long enough to see how the women around me seem to repeat the same mistakes just as I do. I'm watching as Lisa gets close to this guy who already has a wife and it feels like she seems like she wants it to go somewhere although it's likely not. Then there is Janet who can pretty much have what ever she wants but she only seems to be attracted to men who are the opposite of what she wants. Guys that don't have a good job and no money and don't seem to care. She said to me recently that she thinks she may be keeping herself from anything substantial without knowing she is doing it. Well, yeah, I see that.
So as I approach another birthday and I am still pretty much in the same position as when I wrote my first post some 8 years ago it may be I will never be able to change anything. I am stuck in an endless loop like an episode of the twilight zone. All I have are these moments in time where someone came into the picture and pushed me off the tracks but in the end I find myself right back where I started.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Rocking this past Tuesday

It's been 10 days since my last post. I've been unable to get to where I need to be to put anything here. The Anon who comments about flushing all the ladies isn't something I don't consider each and every day. With that in mind I went out on Tuesday night to see some music. I knew some older friends that I knew since grade school would be there.
This is Bob. Or Mr. K. He was there with Karen, but I think they are friends. Both were married but no to each other. Still don't know if they just hang out or if there is more. I'm just glad I got out and saw people. Again we all know each other but over the years I rarely ever see them.  This what Facebook has done for us. Now we can keep in touch with old friends and see them some times.
It was a little awkward but for the most part I enjoyed myself. Bob and I were once very close, I was in his wedding party all those years ago. But after he got married we never really had time for each other so I went my own way.
Karen on the other hand is not someone I knew well at all. But she did give me a nice hello and I felt like I was welcome. There was also Leslie Ryan who I wasn't introduced to but she took a picture and posted it in FB. I may try to get it into this but thus far haven't.
So I'm still out plugging away. It's be tough to see summer end. It always goes by so quickly.
The reason I have been so slow to post on here is due to recent bouts of insomnia. Yes. I can't sleep. or at least for the last 5 days or say. But last night I slept really well. I feel like I need to start exercising again. I typically pick that up again after Labor Day. Which is just 3 weeks away.