Lisa wants to know what I'm typing

Lisa moved to her new apartment on Friday. She was staying with her parents but after a few days with her mom she called me and I said she should stay with me for the few days before she can move. So we have been cohabitating since last Friday. Of course she is sleeping on the pullout couch and I'm in my bed. But it's been nice having her here.

So last night we are both watching tv and I was looking at my blog and responding to some comments and she is asking me who I am writing to. Now there is a big problem if she reads this. She would probably not be surprosed by anything she reads but if she starts reading this it could change how I write. So I sort of lied and told her it was an email from an AOL pal. Now she is all curious about who that might be. I can't let her know I have a blog. She is pretty smart and she will find it.  

So it's been 4 days and I find myself looking forward to her leaving. I guess too much of anything can be bad.

Tigger and Me

Since Sylvester passed away it's just me and Tigger now. We've become inseparable when I'm home. Used to be he would try to go outside and if I let him Sylvester would have a fit and then try to fight him when he would come back inside. I would actually have to separate them until they calmed down.

Sylvester never had any interest in the world outside my door. After he passed away and I had to work from home I could set my computer outside and enjoy the outside air. Tigger would stand at the door and meow until I finally let him come out with me. He would always walk around the property and disappear for 30 minutes or so. Then reappear and stay right by me. Now he goes outside but sits just outside my back door waiting for me to come out.

I also decided he sould try the boat. We spent a weekend in September on the boat. He did fine at the dock but when I took him out for a sail he got a little sea sick. Not going to try that again until next year but I am considering trying a weekend away from the dock. It would be great if I could take a trip and he could be with me.

I took him to the vet on Saturday and he got a clean bill of health. After my last experiance at the vet I was more than a little nervous. It's good to know he is in good shape. We should have lots more time together.

Halloween

Saturday night was festive. There was a costume party and the entire group went. The pictures kind of tell the story. I went as Jonas Grumby a/k/a The Skipper from Gilligan's Island. It must have been okay as I was recognized. There were pirates everywhere. Not much originality there. Lisa tried to be Anna Nicole. She kind of pulled it off.

Lisa's guy Carmine came as a masked cowboy... maybe the Lone Ranger? There was a band and dancing but for some reason Carmine doesn't dance. Lisa says he's a little shy.

It was a fun night although Mike (Prince Charles look-alike) told Lisa not to break my heart. She told me about that on Sunday and it's the second time he's said that to her. I know he is only trying to help I wish he could mind his p's and q's. I also think I've become a topic on conversation more than I would perfer. It's the second time Mike has said something like that to Lisa and now I guess I will try to tell him to not interfere with my relationship with Lisa.

It was a crazy night. There is a picture of this girl I kind of had my eye on all night. Today I find out her name is Shannon. Did I go over and say hello on Saturday ... no. Why not? I wish I knew the answer but it's been so long since I've just walked up to someone now I've really got a defeatist attitude.

Lisa slept over

Lisa on the pull out couch. Not her best side but I do love that butt. If she ever sees this she will kill me.

She has been staying at her parents house until November 1st when she moves into her new apartment. She had a little tiff with her mom and I told her she should get some space. So she came to my place. She slept in my house but not in my bed. Still, it's fun to have her near me. Tigger seems to like her company too. We relaxed and drank some wine.

When I was away for a week in Florida visiting my dad she stayed there and watched Tigger for me. She did some much needed cleaning too. I've been having her around a lot. I hope I don't get too used to it.

Update - a who's who entry

Pictures from the beach

I may name drop a lot in this journal and rather than explain who is who in each entry I thought I would do a brief synopsis of everyone.

Lisa.Very, very complicated. I am very attached to Lisa. I really wish I could make a life with her but she refuses to let me. She seems to only like men who reject her... like married men, engaged men, men about to be engaged or men who are just plan defective. Right now she is splitting her attention with Carmine, her car mechanic and Alan, who lives in Florida. We talk to each other about everything. She calls me constantly. She went away to Arizona for a year and I thought we could gradually drift apart. It didn't happen. She would IM first thing in the morning and call me each night before bed.

   Janet (and me). We were neighbors more than 30 years ago but we were never friends until about 3 years ago. At first I really wanted to date her but I have long since gotten over that. I still think she is beautiful but there has never been any spark between us. Her mom passed away a year ago and she looked to me for comfort. We talk a lot.

Roberta. I like Roberta. Sometimes I think I see a spark of similar feelings from her. But it goes away before I can get her alone. In fact I think she has purposely avoided ever being alone with me.

Tracy. She seems to like me and initially I was attracted to her but after spending a little more time with her I realized that we could never work. And she is the type that would never get physical without some kind of declaration of love. Just don't feel it. Sorry... I can't seem to find a picture.

 Mike (a/k/a Prince Charles or P.C.) He joined our little group at the beginning of the summer. He wants to date Roberta really bad. Roberta has said he has no shot. It will be curious to see who wears down first.

 

Sylvester's story

Sylvester and Tigger.

Sylvester had to be put to sleep on July 23rd, the day after I took this picture. He had somehow developed a form of diabetes and did not respond to the medication prescribed by my vet. The condition was probably made worse by a rainstorm that caused my entire house to be flooded. It took a week to get the place dried out and get new carpets put in. That's a story for another day.

Sylvester and Tigger came to me more than 10 years ago from Jenny, my English friend. She was here as a nanny and then baby sitter. She got the cats despite my objections. When it came time for her to return home to the U.K. she discovered that the animal laws require that any pets from overseas be quarenteened in Customs for 6 months and the cost of boarding would be prohibitive. They were either coming to me or going to the pound and I had to take them. I couldn't say no. It was probably the best thing I've ever done.

I'd always thought of myself as a dog person but since I've had cats I now realize that having cats is the only way a single person can have a pet. They are great company and take very little effort to be cared for.

Sylvester and Tigger were supposedly born in the same litter. I could never see how they could have the same parents because they are so different. Sylvester prefered quiet and when new peope might come into my house he would hide. He was the more playful cat though. His favorite toy was simply a crumpled up piece of paper. He never ever wanted to leave the inside of the house.  

He was really MY cat. He only ever liked me. Even while he lived with Jenny he would only leave her bedroom when I came over. No one else was worth the effort. He loved to purr. I will miss him. I still think I see him when I first walk into a room.

When I went to the vet on that morning I knew what would likely happen. My decision was made when the vet told me that his kidneys were no longer functioning and he needed radical treatment and the costs would run into more than $1000. And even with that his would need insolin shots and constant care that I just could provide. His quality of life was never going to be what it was and he was very uncomfortable. I decided he didn't need to continue to suffer through all of that and asked the vet to put him to sleep. The vet agreed and said it's the proper thing to do. She said we needed to do it right away.

It was at that moment that I realized that I going to end his life. I really only then started to hit me. I got very emotional but I stayed there with him until the very end. As I felt his life slowly slip away my tears started to flow and it took me some time before I could compose myself. It was so hard to let go of his lifeless body as I left. I only hope my boy is in a better place.

I still have Tigger and I was very worried how he would be since he had never been without Sylvester. It's been a few months now and he's fine although he does seem to be very attached to me. But it's much easier on me with just one cat so I have no intention of getting a new friend for him. No kitten would replace Sylvester anyway.

 

End of the day

I'm going to try to include at least one image with all my entries. I'm also going to try to be as positive as I can. From spending some time reading other blogs and re-reading my own I can see most people seem to use this space to vent out their frustrations. After a while I start believing all anybody does is complain. It can get very tiresome.

So what's the picture about. That is the scene from last Memorial Day weekend. Has to be one of my 10 best days of the summer. I had a barbeque in the park and I am hoping I can make this an annual event. The picture is of most of the stuff I carted from my car to the picnic area ... without any assistance I might add. I was set up a full 2 hours ahead of time. At 9 o'clock there were fireworks. It was a great day. Unfortunately I got so busy I never got around to taking any other pictures.

Things happen for a reason

This is a response to a comment from Sue. She read my journal and wonders how I can be alone. Well Sue, I'm not really alone. I have so many friends I feel very lucky every day. Not having a girlfriend bothers me less and less every day and I now realize I'm alone because that's what I want to be.

I am truly in love with Lisa and have been for as long as I can remember. The comics this past Sunday has the Charlie Brown and Lucy football bit that prefectly illustrates how our relationship has gone over the years. Every fall Lucy gives Charlie Brown the chance to kick the football while she holds it. And everytime Charlie is about to kick the football Lucy pulls it away which sends Charlie Brown flying onto his back.

It's been pretty much the same with Lisa and I. We have come close a number of times but each time we've come close to some real intimacy (a.k.a. sex) she will back away.

All the other relationships in my like have taken a backseat to her. My friend Roberta urges me to read 'He's Just Not That Into You'. Is there a book out there for men? It's not as if I don't already know what I am doing. I've just decided to accept it and not obsess over it. Yeah right. You will see how that is working.

So I guess what I am trying to say is maybe I'm single and unattached because that is what I want to be. If I really wanted to have someone I would.

 

I'm back from a long hiatus

It's been a long time since I've added anything to this. I decided that I wanted to only add entries that are positive. I guess I was getting so down that for a month I didn't have much to add I just let this go. Well, I'm back with a shiny new attitude. I no longer have any expectations and I take the future as it comes. I hope for the best and prepare for the worst. In the coming weeks I will try to tell you about my last year in retrospect and not have too many spelling errors.

I find it diffecult to believe anyone actually reads this on a regular basis so if you do read it I could use a comment so I can draw some inspiration.