Sunday, May 16, 2010

What up

I'm sitting here on a Sunday night enjoying life. I can find no reason to complain about anything. I got to spend my day with Coleen. And it was her who reached out to me. So I'm really not going anywhere with her but I love the fact that I can be close to her and she wants me there. I like her and what she does. have given up any expectations so I can just take things as they are.

I am not even sure she is being honest with me but I think it doesn't even occur to her to not be honest. Still I think she hies things. Random text messages that she even lets me read but doesn't tell me who wrote them. Yes, she has something else going on and it's not me but what the heck, it is fun just being her friend.

So I got to eat dinner with her and the family and then we went and had drinks. She was so beautiful and I got to hear her play her music ... country like always. It's something that makes me more close to her but that's from way back to Patty O'Neill ... okay the people I've met since then too. Lisa, Eileen, the Meeker sisters ... all were influences. Brings me here today.

I have hopes to close on my new place this week. I am so upset it's not done already but when it gets done I should get over it. Tick tock tick tock. It's happening one way or the other. Stay tuned.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


My ability to write has been severely hampered by life. The last month or so I haven't been turning my computer on after work very often. Sometimes I find other things to keep me busy and other times I just don't feel like it.

I am about to move in about a week. I will finally be living in a place I think I can really feel is home. I'm sure I've felt that way in most of the other places I live but my memory of that is dim.

My exercise program has been more difficult. I still run but my hip is giving me chronic pain so I've needed to slow down a lot. I can't be sure how to change that.

I had my boat put into the water today. I made it into the marina without any problems until I was tying up and noticed the bilge pump pushing water out the back. I looked down below and sure enough there was a lot of water in the bilge. I closed all the thru-hull openings and set about searching for the leak. I found it about 3 hours later. More stress.

I've managed to get close to Coleen again. Not going any where though. I look at her now as someone I'll never get. She has other ideas. I think I'm better off. She has so many problems I can't see her ever being satisfied unless someone just takes care of her. That could never be me.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

My weekly blog

Hey, so now I'm a once a week blogger. Oh well... so here it is. I have a need to vent and maybe it will be more negative than I should have it but so be it.

My weekend was good. I got to see Coleen and I spent a ton of time getting my boat ready. No bad things except I drank way more than I should have. But I am here on Sunday night and nothing has come of it that I'm feeling bad about. I just wish I knew I could find love that was real. At least I do feel loved somewhat. I get a call from the people I care about now and then. And I have just a little bit of validation that makes me feel like I have relevance.

I wish I could figure out Janet. On Saturday I noticed she was checking my out which it something new. Nothing earth shattering but she was asked if she wanted another drink and she looked to see if I had a full drink before she said she would have another. Just a subtle thing I noticed. It has me wondering.

Okay and then there is Lisa. God, I really love Lisa, but she has a man she seems to be making a life with. And then we have this very odd conversation about how she isn't getting what she wants from that whole thing. I get a sense she doesn't want me to get involved so I let it go as that.

So my day was all about polishing the boat and I still have more to do. But it feels good to make that go. It will be warm soon and my boat should be my focal point of how my life will be. That and my new place. My May will be really loaded with things to do. Boat, apartment, life ... it is all happening at once. I sometimes thing I have everything lining up in my favor. Tomorrow is another day.