Monday, June 21, 2010

28 Days

Still sober. I'm not saying it's been easy but at least I can say I'm giving my best shot. My mental target is still just 90 days so there is still a lot to go but I'm only stressing about today. The rest just needs to happen.

I am really enjoying my new home. It feels so much less depressing. Kenny asked how it's going and I just said I'm happier than I've ever been. I am still getting unpacked but most of the fur nature is in it's place. I should be ready to accept company within a week or two.

My cat was having a difficult time just prior to the move and I had fears that he may be getting to old for the stress of moving, but it turns out he had a small infection and he is getting a dose on antibiotics and is already back to normal. He has also made the adjustment to the new place almost easier than me. He does miss the yard though.

Tonight I am going for a power walk with Janet. Anything to get me out of the house.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Just a moment before I go

Still maintaining sobriety and after tomorrow it will be a full 28 days. Not much of an accomplishment but it is a start. My focus is to make it for 90 days. After that I'll decide if I should ever drink again or not. It is Friday and in the past that was always my favorite night to have drinks. I had been going to AA meetings on Fridays. Last week I had a wedding so I missed the meeting. It had me thinking I don't need to go. I'm afraid I may fall into the "rationalization" trap and think I'm "cured".

Meanwhile, my transition to the new place is complete. I finally slept in my new home beginning on Tuesday. It's been strange waking up somewhere different. But I really like coming home to a house that I can completely call mine. I still have many boxes to unpack and the furniture is still mostly pushed into the corner and not set up. I will make an effort to get most of it done by the end of this weekend.

It's already working out great. Last night Coleen called to invite me for dinner if I can get there in 5 minutes. I think I made it there in 3. It worked out really great since I still haven't unpacked most of my kitchen stuff. It was nice and hopefully I'll get to do more of that and maybe even have her come to my house. I couldn't stay long after we ate because there is so much to unpack.

The weekend is almost here and that has become such a different experience for me now. I will try to expand on the next week.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

I quit drinking

I had an incident on May 22 that has me worried about where my life is heading and how I'd been handing things. So in May 23rd I went to a meeting and have not had a drink now for 8 days. Over Memorial Day weekend I went to 3 more meetings. I haven't had an overwhelming urge to drink but I also haven't been able to say I'll never drink again. My commitment goes as far as that I will not have a drink today nor plan to drink tomorrow. My goal is to make it to 90 days and then see how I feel.

The things that led up my change I am still rationalizing in my mind that put me in a position that had me drinking more and more. I have been in a constant state of high stress. Buying my co-op. Continuing to strike out with Coleen. Not getting my stuff done at work. Missing my dad who died in February. Getting the boat into the water.

An odd thing is I was going to that bar and I would enjoy myself so much that I would stay longer and longer. And I was going sooner because I knew I could see and spend time with Coleen. Things just keep spirralling out of control. All the while this little voice in me head kept saying I need to get a grip on things and the only common denominator is my drinking was increasing almost on a weekly basis.

I'm afraid this may be a focus of my entries at least for the rest of the summer. I hope I can maintain a positive outlook and be honest.