I had an incident on May 22 that has me worried about where my life is heading and how I'd been handing things. So in May 23rd I went to a meeting and have not had a drink now for 8 days. Over Memorial Day weekend I went to 3 more meetings. I haven't had an overwhelming urge to drink but I also haven't been able to say I'll never drink again. My commitment goes as far as that I will not have a drink today nor plan to drink tomorrow. My goal is to make it to 90 days and then see how I feel.
The things that led up my change I am still rationalizing in my mind that put me in a position that had me drinking more and more. I have been in a constant state of high stress. Buying my co-op. Continuing to strike out with Coleen. Not getting my stuff done at work. Missing my dad who died in February. Getting the boat into the water.
An odd thing is I was going to that bar and I would enjoy myself so much that I would stay longer and longer. And I was going sooner because I knew I could see and spend time with Coleen. Things just keep spirralling out of control. All the while this little voice in me head kept saying I need to get a grip on things and the only common denominator is my drinking was increasing almost on a weekly basis.
I'm afraid this may be a focus of my entries at least for the rest of the summer. I hope I can maintain a positive outlook and be honest.