Sunday, March 29, 2009

A Social weekend.

No pictures today. Yesterday was a lost day. I wanted to get up and out early enough to do laundry in the morning and then get some other stuff done in the afternoon. I didn't get the laundry done until almost 3 o'clock so the other things never got done. Well .... at the laundry is done.

Friday night I met Janet at out favorite Italian restaurant and while there I bumped into separately, my brother Brian with my sister-in-law Sue and her sister Marie who is visiting from Florida, and my cousin Bernadette, her daughter Erin and Erin's boyfriend George. So what might have been a quiet evening turned into a social even where I was bouncing from one table to the next. Janet was also see people she knew so we were both off on our own. As always she seemed fine with it. It was a fun night until the check came. They raised the price of a glass of wine from $5 to $7 which for us is a pretty big bump. And this after both Janet and I said we didn't want to spend too much. Oh well, at least it was a fun night out even if I spent $20 more than I intended.

Before leaving Bernadette and I were talking about how we both have pictures from Florida to share and my goal was to get there in the afternoon on Saturday. But with laundry not getting done til late by the time I got around to calling she had long gone out so I popped into the bar and that turned into a social event. I first arrive and right away I saw a familiar car in the lot. Coleen was there. I never heard back from her all week so I at first thought it would be nice to see her again. Jami was also there and as soon as I saw her she said she had just spoken to Janet who was on her way. So right away I knew there would be lots of people to talk to. Seemed like everyone was there except for Roberta, who said she needed to save some money and wasn't coming out. I guess we all seem to be having the same issues although I think there may be more to it than that.

There was an empty seat next to Coleen so I grabbed it and engaged in what ever topics of conversation came up. She seemed a little tense at first. Probably my lack of attention was getting to her but it was never discussed. After a while she relaxed and we talked. I was somewhat dismayed to find out she had Sunday plans to see Mark. This back and forth stuff just confirms to me that I am doing the right thing by avoiding her a little even though I miss being around her terribly. And I could feel myself wanting that while i was there. Lucky Janet engaged me in conversation that kept me from paying all my focus on that one thing. Still it was a fun evening with no feeling of getting too involved. I think it was because Roberta wasn't there. That helped Coleen relax and she stayed way longer than she had probably intended.

I'm starting to wonder if Roberta is really causing all the tension. She see things so black and white and can't seem to just let things be. It's making me wonder if I want Roberta to be that important to me. I just don't want her to be judgemental of everyone and every thing.

Janet and I went to see some other friends at another place and then I went home. Leaving Coleen behind. I did say goodbye and while I'd really like to call her today I won't. We will see what the week brings.

That's it for now.

Friday, March 27, 2009


I have had a long lonely week. I am not enjoying this sitting at home so much even though I've spent a fortune getting it looking better. I really wanted company this week but not really sure how to make that happen just yet. It's still too cold for outside. And it seems like no one really wants to come to see me if it's inside. I'd really like it if I could host something for a change since I've always been the guest. Most of my friends think I live too far away even though it's just a little more than 5 miles. It's just an excuse I think.

This is my new shelving that I put together. The TV is flanked by my CD collection. I also purchased new lamps and side tables. New slipcovers for the couches. So far the cat has not shown the urge to scratch any of it. I've also been using blankets on the arms which had always been his favorite place to scratch.

So I was sitting back last night looking around at the room and I really like what I've done. I wish I had painted though. But that's just too much to do for now. Maybe next year I'll tackle that.

So who could I invite for one of my home cooked dinners? I'd really like it to be Coleen but I keep hear this little voice in my head saying I need to put her behind me. Lisa wants to have dinner but since she has a boyfriend she is always got plans. We talk every day, but we never do anything together anymore. I would love to get Janet and Roberta to join me either together or separately. But they are the ones that refuse to leave their own neighborhood.

At least I get to enjoy my new house. I'll probably be home by myself so I'll make the best of it. Just not very exciting compared to last year.

Monday, March 23, 2009

On Sunday March 22 Glen Cove had it's annual St. Patrick's Parade. It was the 2nd time I'd gone as I went last year. All the usual people came out and I finally had my corned beef and cabbage for the only time this year. I also spent a bit of time re-connecting with Coleen. Which of course got me some heat from some of my other friends who don't think I should spend any time with Coleen.

I saw her Friday night, Saturday night and then all day Sunday. It just confuses me how I let it just happen and when I think I could talk about how I have hopes and dreams I never get to do it. I see what I see and if someone loves you they make it fairly obvious. But yet I look for her to be near me.

I did spend a lot of my time these last few months staying away and I might need to do that again. I'm weak and if I see her I just need to be near her so my best option is to not be in those situations. Which means I may need to not go to the bar any more.

While I was spending my time doing other things it was noticed by Coleen that I had not been paying as much attention to her. We did not go to dinner for almost 2 months. So when we finally got around to it again after her birthday she did say she felt like I had let my other friends get between us, which is partially true.

I also assumed Coleen's relationship with Mark had gotten better so it made it much easier to rationalize my staying out of it. Now I've learned different. Coleen mentioned that Mark took her out for dinner on her birthday and then she went to the bar where she was given flowers and a cake by some of the people at the bar. What she didn't tell me was that as she enjoyed celebrating her birthday Mark just wanted to leave and since she was the driver she had to leave to take him home and then come back so she could have a piece of her own birthday cake. I guess the night ended badly for them because they haven't been out since.

I also heard something from my brother that Mark has never considered his relationship with Coleen to be exclusive. He didn't buy her any gift at Christmas so he could send that message. She doesn't know I heard this although I am considering if she needs to hear it. Lisa says I should tell her but I feel like she will use it as an excuse to call him.
So it's Monday and I am thinking I will leave things as they are and let her reach out to me if she wants. I can't just make things too easy. She just wants me as a friend and that fine but I need to be less available.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

So anyway...

I spent too much time this weekend getting close to Coleen. It doesn't take much for me to become all infatuated again. It's all me I know but I am just so unable to see the reality when she is in front of me.

I am sitting here wondering why I can't be stronger. Or even why I need to be. I found myself totally hooked into her this weekend after trying not to be for so long.
So here is the scoop. Somehow while I was not in touch with Coleen her and Mark had a serious falling out and her words are she won't see him any more. The details I don't even know but I learned a little from my brother. On her birthday she was with Mark and he took her out and they were in the bar and had a big row about his going home and she was celebrating with her friends. Not sure of what exactly happened but she says she hasn't spoken to him since.
So I want to find a way to state my case. I've had my chances and let them go by. When steel my nerve those are the moments she doesn't want to talk. But my head swims with ideas. I need to not get my ducks in a row. Somehow,

Sunday, March 15, 2009

My Saturday Adventure

I just made a small post yesterday with just a single picture... I guess I need to expand on that and then I can tell my story. I get these emails from time to time from the Long Island Aquarium announcing a release back into the wild seals that they save. Saturday they planned to release 2 seals at noon. I thought it would be interesting. I also had hoped that Coleen would like to join me. We had a brief conversation about it and she had indicated she would like to go. I thought it might be a nice bonding experience.

Well, even though she blew me off I went anyway. There were about 100 people there, mostly parents and their kids. I joined the crown with my camera at the ready. I haven't had any really good pictures in a while so I was hoping to get some blog-worthy shots.

The names of the seals were Bruce and Dexter. As the crowd gathered the seals arrived in separate cages on the back of a pickup truck. Bruce would be the first to be let out.

He was very nervous as he had to be pushed out of the cage. I'm sure all the people there made the experience even more traumatic that it was. Still it took 20 minutes or so of prodding and finally he got to the water and headed out to see.

It was a thrill to see him out in the bay. He didn't leave right away, but swam around close to shore for 10 minutes or so. The person in charge explained that one of the seals from an earlier release has been staying in the area for weeks before migrating north.

So with the seal free they set about letting the second seal, Dexter out of his cage. He was even more timid than the first one. Dexter just refused to go out to see. He just sat at the water's edge enjoying the sunshine for about an hour before I decided I had enough and left. I'm sure he eventually took off I just wasn't there for it.

It was quite an adventure which I had no one to share with. I did get a phone call from Coleen right as the second seal was released. She could have been there but I didn't talk to her Friday and she didn't get around to calling me back until way too late. She seemed annoyed we didn't connect. This is a story I need to tell in more detail so I'll save it for my next blog... maybe later today or tomorrow. At least I know I am out living life and not sitting around wondering what's happening.

Saturday, March 14, 2009


I decided to do something different today and went to see a seal release. It was interesting.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009


Has it been a week already? Not much has been worth blogging about. We had a big snowstorm on Monday. More than a foot so I stayed home from work. So I'm here alone even more secluded than normal. I did call Coleen for her birthday. She was at Mark's. So I assume their on again off again relationship has heated up again. I'm so glad I've managed to put some distance between us.

But now I've this void. I'm feeling a loss although I really had nothing that I lost. Maybe just a little hope. Or a loss of optimism.
On Friday night we went to the Sea Cliff Barcrawl. Wasn't very exciting. Couldn't wait to get done with it. I took a few pictures for a change. None of them were any good. I'm about to give up taking pictures with my friends. They just don't like them.
Saturday afternoon Lisa came by and we enjoyed a little wine and just relaxed and talked. This was my best part of the weekend. I do miss seeing her as often as I used to. We had planned to have dinner but she had made plans that she forgot about. So I enjoyed her for a little while abd then spent the rest of my weekend watching tv. Such a blah weekend.