On Sunday March 22 Glen Cove had it's annual St. Patrick's Parade. It was the 2nd time I'd gone as I went last year. All the usual people came out and I finally had my corned beef and cabbage for the only time this year. I also spent a bit of time re-connecting with Coleen. Which of course got me some heat from some of my other friends who don't think I should spend any time with Coleen.
I saw her Friday night, Saturday night and then all day Sunday. It just confuses me how I let it just happen and when I think I could talk about how I have hopes and dreams I never get to do it. I see what I see and if someone loves you they make it fairly obvious. But yet I look for her to be near me.
I did spend a lot of my time these last few months staying away and I might need to do that again. I'm weak and if I see her I just need to be near her so my best option is to not be in those situations. Which means I may need to not go to the bar any more.
While I was spending my time doing other things it was noticed by Coleen that I had not been paying as much attention to her. We did not go to dinner for almost 2 months. So when we finally got around to it again after her birthday she did say she felt like I had let my other friends get between us, which is partially true.
I also assumed Coleen's relationship with Mark had gotten better so it made it much easier to rationalize my staying out of it. Now I've learned different. Coleen mentioned that Mark took her out for dinner on her birthday and then she went to the bar where she was given flowers and a cake by some of the people at the bar. What she didn't tell me was that as she enjoyed celebrating her birthday Mark just wanted to leave and since she was the driver she had to leave to take him home and then come back so she could have a piece of her own birthday cake. I guess the night ended badly for them because they haven't been out since.
I also heard something from my brother that Mark has never considered his relationship with Coleen to be exclusive. He didn't buy her any gift at Christmas so he could send that message. She doesn't know I heard this although I am considering if she needs to hear it. Lisa says I should tell her but I feel like she will use it as an excuse to call him.
So it's Monday and I am thinking I will leave things as they are and let her reach out to me if she wants. I can't just make things too easy. She just wants me as a friend and that fine but I need to be less available.