Wednesday, August 15, 2012

I need a miracle to change my ways.

August us half gone and this is just my second post. Oh well, that's summer. If there was any thing going on I for sure would post it. I have not really taken advantage of the warm weather too much and gotten out. Seems like work has taken over my social life for the moment even though I'm not doing too well at the job. I got stuck in the office late the last 2 nights.
I have had some time to think, which is probably never a good thing. But my thoughts lately have been how I seem to follow a pattern of getting myself close to the women I'm attracted to but only as a friend. I sit and wonder if I do this and it isn't just an accident. Like my attraction grows if a woman is just nice to me but not in a sexual way. I don't know how to fix that.
I've also been thinking about the patterns other seem to have. I've been around long enough to see how the women around me seem to repeat the same mistakes just as I do. I'm watching as Lisa gets close to this guy who already has a wife and it feels like she seems like she wants it to go somewhere although it's likely not. Then there is Janet who can pretty much have what ever she wants but she only seems to be attracted to men who are the opposite of what she wants. Guys that don't have a good job and no money and don't seem to care. She said to me recently that she thinks she may be keeping herself from anything substantial without knowing she is doing it. Well, yeah, I see that.
So as I approach another birthday and I am still pretty much in the same position as when I wrote my first post some 8 years ago it may be I will never be able to change anything. I am stuck in an endless loop like an episode of the twilight zone. All I have are these moments in time where someone came into the picture and pushed me off the tracks but in the end I find myself right back where I started.

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