This past weekend I had trouble staying up. It seemed that I couldn't stay awake past 10 o'clock. That includes Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday night. It all started on Friday when I struggled with my allergies. As the day went on my head just got more and more congested. So even though I went out on Thursday night for a few hours I stayed in on Friday. I figured my allergy attack was triggered by the dust and cat dander that was accumulating since my last vacuum. So my Saturday was all about cleaning the house. So I now live is a relatively spotless house.
While cleaning I had a phone conversation with Coleen about joining a gym. So when I ventured out I picker her up and we went and both joined up. So now I have to start exercising for the first time in years. My first trip was Sunday morning and I went and picked up Coleen and we both did an hour. I figure it will be good if I can get myself into a healthier lifestyle even if I'm only using it to spend a little time to see Coleen.
So after signing up on Saturday Coleen and I went to the bar. I had been called in the afternoon by Janet and she asked if I would join them for dinner. Since at that time I didn't expect to see Coleen I had said I would. Then later Coleen asked if I would like to have dinner with her and like an idiot I was stumbled over how to either say no to Coleen or get out of the dinner with Janet and her friends. Eventually I told Coleen I had committed to dinner and she said I should go and she would have a different plan for dinner.
So this is what's wrong with me. I went to dinner but I was miserable. I mean I did what I thought was the right thing by honoring my initial commitment and having dinner with Janet, Roberta, Jami and Judy. It also felt like i was being punished because I was seen with Coleen. All this does is remind me why I was staying home for most of the winter.
I am having trouble deciding how I feel about who my friends are right now. It all seems to revolve around my feelings for Coleen. The thing is if she is only available as a friend I can learn to live with that. The rest of my friends aren't around nearly as much so why should I be made to feel like that's bad. I don't know what long term will be but I do seem to enjoy myself more around Coleen than anyone right now even if we are only friends. I guess I will need to just see where thing go.