I've been thinking about how needy I feel. I thought I had a good handle on things but I don't. I really miss hearing from Lisa. I am trying to convince myself that she is processing and on top of that she is preparing for her trip to Sedona. I hope that's true but deep down I know she doesn't want to deal with the fact that we can't have what I want... what I've always wanted ... what I will probably always want. Her and I to grow old together. I going to be fine. I have some regret but nt much really. I feel good we had a moment and don't expect more that that. But if she tells me she can't be with me that way I need to prepare how I can handle that. My heart won't change. It will hurt. Even if I've made myself prepared. It still hurts. She knows that. She is avoiding that moment. That is what I believe.
I'll find a distraction soon. I always do.
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