Monday, December 19, 2011

Life Goes On

Living life has been keeping me too busy for the blog. This will be an all too brief update. I finally received the money I'd been waiting for. So like a sailor on leave or an inmate who was just paroled I've been out living it up a bit. I was out to dinner three times last week which cost me in the neighborhood of $300. It was sort of worth it. I took Lisa out twice and Carolyn out once. Spending more time with Lisa is always worth while for me. The event with Carolyn was Friday night in the City and I enjoyed it but there was a moment that I am a little peeved about and I feel like i need to make a point about it although for now I've just let it go.
I will start with Lisa. We both needed to do some Christmas shopping so after that we went to our favorite Indian restaurant. It was so good. She talked about how much she misses the things we do. I still adore her and I realized how much more I enjoy her company than anyone else. I wish I didn't because she doesn't seem to ever want to see me in a sexual way. Even after more than 10 years of knowing her I am more attracted to her than ever.
On Friday night she called me and we met for dinner again. She has reserved her Friday's for her fiance for as long as I can remember so this was very unusual. I asked her about that and she told me just how bad things are right now. I should not have any expectations but if she needs a place to go I want to be there.
But I am not going to put all my eggs on one basket. So I also spent some time with Carolyn. We were at a Christmas Concert on Thursday night in NYC. It was something she really wanted to see and I just figured if I could make her happy then I should do it. We travelled into the City by train and found a place for dinner. Over dinner we were talking about nothing in particular when she mentioned something about one of her single friends trying to get her to go to a singles night at some bar. I made a point of saying how if she wants to date what are we doing. She has said to me repeatedly that until she clears up whatever she has in her divorce she has no room for any man to get close to her. She has used this to push me away. And truth be told I feel like it's a good point. I don't need to be more involved while she is on this emotional roller coaster. I have no illusions of what is going on. I don't want monogamy any more than she does. But I also don't want to hear about her other men. At some point very soon I want to have a discussion with her about how much time we spend together. For now it is just this 800 pound gorilla I've let into the room.
Saturday I got to relax alone more of the day and also sent my evening alone as well. Carolyn had gone to see her daughter up at college and Lisa was with her sister. I needed a day to myself so I was fine with that. I spent most of Sunday with Carolyn doing Christmas shopping. I have that mostly done now. Less than a week to go so it's about time.

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