Thursday, December 8, 2011

Deep thoughts

It's just another regular day. My evening was spent last night with just me and the cat. I'm not complaining. I felt pretty comfortable just leaning back on the couch where I didn't need to do anything. I know I will need to do some Christmas shopping soon but I don't really have a plan yet so I'm not rushing it.
I was considering going to the gym tonight, but instead I asked Lisa if she would like to go get some dinner with me. So I'm missing another night but I'd much rather have conversation than work out.
A week from today I am going to see a concert in NYC with Carolyn. Even though I was excited when I got the tickets I'm feeling like it's not going to be the bonding experience I had hoped it might be. Carolyn seems so distant and shut down to me and I know it's not about me. She seems to freak out over the oddest of things. She keeps trying to warn me. Her ex has an "OJ Simpson" type violent personality. She will not allow herself to get close to anyone because of it. I try to talk to her but she is like a wall right now.
I keep thinking about Lisa. I know she is struggling right now. Life would be much better if somehow she loved me. But that doesn't seem like it can happen. We know each other too long as friends and she just doesn't have those feelings for me. When she got engaged last year I was actually looking forward to seeing her wedding. Now that doesn't look like it will happen and she is talking about being single again. I have mixed feelings about that.

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