I want this to be a good Wednesday. What that will be is still not clear. I need to use some vacation days and I am considering taking the next 2 days off. The forecast is for great weather but there won't be anyone to enjoy it with. I could still take a few days just to relax so I am considering it.
For the last few Wednesdays I've been able to talk Carolyn into meeting me and I'm hoping I she will do that again tonight. I have this feeling that she won't. I know I need to not let a cloud of negativity surround me so I am remaining upbeat. Thing is I called her cell last night before 8 PM and she did not pick up and her voicemail seems to be not accepting messages. I still had hopes she would see the missed call and give me a ring. So I need to just send out a message and see what happens.
In all honesty logic tells me that I should keep a level of detachment from her. She really has been struggling with much confrontation. She is estranged from her family and that has been very messy so I would be smart to stay out of it. Up to now I've listened and been supportive but not much more. If she needs more than that she has not asked for it but I have this feeling that day may come. I am not sure there aren't things I don't know. I can't be 100 percent sure but it is my belief that what truly ended Carolyn's marriage was an affair that her ex had no clue about until she put him out the door. There is a part of me that thinks his story might be quite different than hers. I can't help but be sceptical. Of course as I get older my level of trust with women grow smaller. Jumping in with both feet would not be good.
Still I want there to be some kind of interaction that gives me a feeling of being a man. I'm tired of being on the bench. I want to get into the game.