Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Helplessly Hoping

Yesterday was a quiet day so the only thing I could do was to add some comments. There isn't much new today either. The last 2 nights I've mostly stayed home and relaxed.
I've been getting emails from Carolyn practically every day now. It's a little strange that she and I have become closer even though we have had a friendship for a long while. I must be filling some kind of need in her and while I had once considered her to be into me now I'm feeling like she just needs me for help with some of the crap she deals with.
I'm still not sure if she just needs time or is she just using me for a while. Even if she just needs me there for friendship it is okay. I thought she could be special but now I'm wondering if I should spend too much time with someone who will one day need to break my heart. I know I'm over thinking. That's what happens when not much else is going on.
I think back to when I first met her ... and this blog goes back that far. I had just found out she had a husband but she was very flirtatious with me and I even tried to kiss her. But while she never spent time around me with her husband she was constantly with her friend Andy who she said was never considered as a boyfriend. Well, he did end up living with Carolyn and then suddenly developed cancer with led to his death in less than a year. I was pretty much just on the edge of things, saying hello and not getting too involved. It was the right way to handle things. But the attraction has always been there. Now we are close but it feels like the sexual thing is disappearing. And she looks hotter now.
If she continues to call me I'll let it go on for the summer but if it rolls into fall I won't continue to have hopes.

1 comment:

KrIsSy said...

Me and Raul are friends now... for some reason it makes me feel a lil better just to know that he is still in my life some how or another. I know the friendship could not last to long but whatever helps me get through this I will take it. Enjoy the moments with her as you can. Hard to take advice from someone that don't even know what to with her self huh? but a lot of people has been telling me just enjoy the little things. :) Thanks for being a friend!