I woke up this morning and read my last entry like I'd never seen it. I guess I need to learn not to write blogs after drinking too much. I guess now I need to explain more.
When I say I gave myself up to the bartender (Lynnie) I mean I told her my feelings for Coleen. So now it's out there in the public domain. Of course it was her who said it and I just confrmed it so it really was no secret anyway. I never really thought there was ever going to be anything anyway. Just another of my pipe dreams. So much of my life is non-reality based. I guess that makes me a dreamer.
I need to look else where but that will take some time and I get more and more used to being alone every day. I can't even say I'm lonely anymore. My phone rang this morning and I didn't even want to answer it. I get phone calls from friends almost every day. So in that way I'm blessed.
How jealous will I be on Valentines Day and everywhere I look I see couples in love. Ugh... Lisa has already told me not to expect to hear from her on her birthday because now it's all about the boyfriend. I wonder how long before the engagement.
I'll let it go and try to be happy. No one likes a mopey guy fun to be around. I'll just keep faking it until I even fool myself.
1 comment:
just remember valentine's day has the initials VD and laugh-- 'cause that's the gift you never asked for (i know bad joke, couldnt be helped)
i think i am going roller skating on friday on an anti-valentines hate love outing. i am not doing anything either and the way i see it, if it takes a hallmark holiday for someone to want to do something 'nice' for me or to motivate them to give me a token of their whateverness, i really dont want to have anything to do with that person. it's shlocky to me. i think if a dude likes a chick or vice versa or whatever combo, they should do nice things all the time regardless. like the reason being its a day that ends in a -y so lets go out and have fun!
take care!
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