I got the Monday blues

It's real quiet today. Just like the weekend was. So I can blog about nothing today. Sometimes those are my best blogs.

I have yet to see Lisa since the start of the New Year. We still chat online though. It seems like everytime we do chat she's got Carmine there. I don't believe they've moved in together yet, but that's a reality that will soon come. I try to be fine with that but I do find it easier to just stay at a distance. This feels very much like how I've gotten close to other girls and made the mistake of feeling like I would always maintain a friendship, but as soon as they get involved with someone I become like yesterday's old newspaper.

So I still have all my other friends. But I do get lonely all the time. I missed not having anyone to hang out with last weekend. I did have a couple of conversations with Roberta. She was laying low like I was. It just seems like she wants to have a closer relationship with me but nothing romantic. It used to be frustrating but now I've settled into things being how ther are with both her and Janet. Sometimes I need to have faith that God has a better plan. I had my iPod on shuffle this morning and Garth's song Unanswered Prayers came on. I guess I needed to hear that.

I wish I didn't get so obsessive about who I like. I keep having thoughts of Coleen and I can't understand why. I build up these relationships in my mind that just have no expectations for ever being romantic. I was having this internal argument all weekend about going out in the hopes that I would see her. I had made up my mind that I have to make an effort to not do that. It's not working. While I had my chance to ask her some real questions I just chatted about fluff. I could had real one-on-one face time with her but instead I needed to bounce around talking to everyone. Will it be better over time? I doubt it. 

Friday night I was talking to Chris... a guy who apparently also likes Coleen. He was saying how he tried dating her before she was serious about her boyfriend Mark, and now he happy as her friend to the point where he joins them for dinner quite a bit. I missed that before but now that I take a second look I realize that Coleen isn't giving me special attention, she's just like that. So I'm just trying no to get any expectaions but it's hard. And lonely.

I also find myself wondering about Olga and why she sent me a CD of music for Christmas. I have this urge to respond. I'm just afraid to have her back into my life. She is so unstable I can't imagine anything but bad things will result. But I do wish I could see her again. But again, I'm just lonely.