It's a strange feeling I have right now. Not a bad feeling but not a secure warm and fuzzy feeling either. Having been able to spend some time with Carolyn, an attractive available woman, I keep wondering if I am on the cusp of finally making something actually work out. I go back through all the prior entries and realize I don't have a lot of successful experiences to draw upon. I keep feeling like this is like playing a hand of poker where you not only have cards but also look at the other players and see if they will tip their hand.
The urge to go "all in" is enticing but I also know it reeks of desperation. It felt like Doreen kind of did that with me. I mean we had one night together and right away she wants to go on a weekend to Atlantic City. When I hesitated she kind of backed away and when I saw on FB she was planning to go with her ex-BF I realized she was not for me.
I know I need to take it easy. I've made it pretty obvious to Carolyn that I am there for her if she wants me. The best thing might be to let it flow and be prepared for whatever she is ready for. She has three kids, a house and a job to take care of. Calling her every night would be too much. But I do want to talk to her. Patience. I know I want to call but I keep thinking the rule is wait a day or so before calling.
There is one good thing about this. I've been staying out of the bar. Money being tight is one reason, but I've also felt like there isn't any real reason to go there. I'd much rather hang out at home. Is it mostly about sitting by the phone? Maybe, but if that was the case I've always got the cell phone. I think it's mostly money. I need to make sure I can do my stuff on the weekends and not just blow through $100 just hanging out.
No plans for 4th of July yet. Could be setting myself up but I feel like it could be a great time.
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