Relaxing with the dog in Florida at my mom's. Did a full day on the beach so all that sun has me worn out. Finished dinner by 6. Not knowing anyone here I figured I'd just stay home.
When my cell phone rang I was a little off guard and feeling like I wish I had company. I expected a call from mom to see how things were but then I look at caller ID and saw the name .... Coleen. Wanting to talk to someone I picked up. Gone was all the emotion of the last 3 weeks. I just said "Hello". We spoke for less than 5 minutes. She has a cold. She was curious as to whether I was home yet. At least she remembered I was away. Still ... why can't I say what I really want to say? After a few minutes she said she might call later ... so I said I wasn't going anywhere. And that was that.
After hanging up I sat there unable to focus on anything. Should've said this and should've said that. Didn't. Won't. "C'ya Sunday". I'm such a coward. wimpy, wimpy, wimpy.
I knew she would pick the moment I was feeling weakest. When no one else was there for me to talk to. I still have no one to talk to. Again I have to just suck it down except for this.
Well... at least I had a good day at the beach. Sunny day and the dog is exhausted. So am I too.
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