Tuesday, October 5, 2010

If you can't sleep do you still have dreams?

It was another night of struggling to get to sleep. Geez ... I remember how well I used to sleep. I need to get a lot done today so that I can get out of town tomorrow morning. I was up late last night trying to work and part of what I needed to do involved printing address labels. I realized way too late that I had none. So I was up and out the door to Staples at 7:45. They opened at 8 so I was the first customer and I was home by 8:15. It's 30 minutes later and I am about done. Real work starts at 9 so I need to dash this off in 10 minutes.
On the way to Staples at the intersection who do I see coming the other way but Coleen. And she saw me even before I saw her. I think she waved. I waved back. I'm sure she forgot that I'm leaving town tomorrow. I wonder if last night's invite for dinner was the last straw. I hope I can begin to forget while I'm away. A distraction would be nice.
I went to my sister's, my cousin's and Lisa's last night. I had things to drop off or pick up. I made Lisa my last stop in hopes that we could just sit and talk. But she seemed to not want company. Our relationship has become so different. I once could talk things out with her but now she seems to want to distance herself. I guess she confides with Carmine or her sister now.
It's been 10 days since my meltdown and it still hurts. I feel so broken. I know time is the only cure. Holding all this in is really hard. I still have no idea how to fix myself. Funny, I thought I was in a better place. How can I feel this way at this stage of my life... I thought as I got older things would settle in and I would feel more at home with myself. I feel more alone and isolated than ever.

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