I'm back

I'm back from Florida. I'm still effected by the death of my dad. I'm not sure when or even if I'll ever get over it. Hopefully getting home and getting back to work will start to give me a sense of normalcy so I can begin to move forward. There are things I've experienced that I want to express but I still need time.

While I was away pretty much the only one who reached out to me was Coleen. I was more than a little surprised that she said some very comforting things. She even floated the idea that if I needed someone to come down she was more than ready to do that. I was stunned but of course that would be ridiculous. She would have been the last thing I would have been able to deal with.

So we had several phone calls while I was away. Some were good and some felt as if she didn't really have time to say anything. Once again I feel myself getting hopes for something that probably isn't possible. Today is Coleen's birthday (March 1) and while I was away I sent her a present. When I spoke to her I sensed she was more embarrassed than happy which is an emotion that someone would have if they can't return the feelings I have. I spoke to her yesterday and she seemed sad about her birthday. I asked her if she had plans and she said no. When I said we could have dinner she said she wanted to stay close to home and not be out. My little voice says she is hoping for someone "not-me" to take her out for her birthday. I really need to start listening to my friends.