Monday, February 7, 2011

Wasted Time.

My life has become so predictable. It's as if there is a script that I must follow. I could have written this on Friday. It just goes to show how hard it is to make changes. I stayed in on Friday just so that I could see how it will effect the rest of the weekend. I was kind of hoping I could not spend a lot of money. That worked out well on Friday but not so much the rest of the weekend. At least I can say my house is in order. I also got my ass into the gym early on Saturday morning. My main project was to get all the junk out of my spare room and move some other things cluttering up the house into the storage attic. Between Friday night and Saturday I got that done.
After finishing it was still midday on Saturday and I had this urge to call Coleen. Seems like I always get a text from her on Saturday. It's become like a tradition. I know she is spending her night's with Tommy now but he works a lot of weekends so I expect she gets bored at some point on Saturday and that's when i get a call. And of course I like that. But is was past 2 and nothing and I decided I need to make my own plan and stop waiting for that. So I took a trip to Bed Bath and Beyond. I had a gift card that was getting old and figured I should use it before it expired. I am less than 2 minutes from the store and that's when Coleen send me a text. Just "Hey" is all it said. I responded and we were back and forth the entire time I was shopping. "What are you buying now?", she asked. I guess she thinks I'm a shop-a-holic. Before leaving I called just to have a real conversation. I was going to the bar anyways so I picked her up at 5 and we went together. Not a date ... she had plans for that later and not with me. Again I could have written this out on Friday as it was my basic weekend. In my mind I know how pointless this all is but I play it out anyway.
So we sat together and I mixed it up talking to all the people I know but also having a place at the bar next to Coleen so we did get to talk a lot. I could see how she is trying to enjoy herself even though she is still sad about her dog. She was ready to head home at seven so I took her home and came back for a bit. I got to her driveway and she did something she's never done before. She didn't hop right out, and we sat in the driveway and talked. She explained how she wants to enjoy herself but it's so hard because she knows each time she comes home Samson will no longer be there waiting. I did my best to console her because I really miss the dog too. I tried to hold her hand and tell her that but she pulled it away. I am not very good at these things so I just told her these things never really get better, we just learn to cope. I didn't want to try to tell her how I have more losses than she does as this is her pain and empathy didn't seem right. With that she said good night and I went back to the bar and spent the rest of my night playing pool with my friends.
At 8 I saw Janet roll in. She couldn't stay even though I offered to buy her a drink. I know she was supposed to have dinner at the Italian restaurant we go to and I had purposely not gone or asked about going. After the week before I've decided I need to not spend time with "the girls". I think Janet senses this. At least I hope she does. I'll explain it to her at some point. Still I was sad she left so quickly.
And that was my rollicking Saturday. Sunday was the Super Bowl which for me started at 3 o'clock. Spoke to Coleen who was planning to have dinner then come to the bar with her Tommy. So she got there just before kickoff. She had a chance to sit in a couple of seats near me but she chose to still down a ways from me. I was glad for that as I didn't want to hear her chit-chat with Tom. He is an odd guy ... separated but not yet divorced. Older than me but I'm not sure by how much. He is very much blue collar. We did have a short conversation but I honestly don't remember what he was saying. He gets to go home with the girl so talking was not good for me. I don't want to be his friend.
My plan was to stay until halftime but I ended up staying for the entire game. Lilly behind the bar kept my glass full so I stayed. She is good that way. Sometimes I convince myself she might even like me, but then that's what a good bartender is supposed to do. I was shocked the Coleen and Tom stayed until the end. When she left I asked her to call me from work on Monday. She said she expect work will be crazy and I should not call her. Reading between the lines I figure she was calling in and would be with Tom on Monday. That's just a guess but I also know that she would always be home by 9 on a night before work.
I was home at 10:30 and in bed by 11. Sleep came fast as I'd had one last beer before bed. Just another wasted weekend.


Cindy said...

All in all it doesn't sound like a bad weekend. I mean you got some things done that needed to get done, you hung out with friends and watched the game, your life doesn't seem so bad to me. You just need that one special person in your life on a permanent basis and life would be good.

I on the other hand had a quiet weekend still dealing with a numb lip and chin from having teeth pulled, LOL.

We'll oth get better!! :)

I just can't help feeling like the gang at the bar is kind of stagnant in that they are the regulars, always there, always the same, same story, same rut. I don't have any good advice either. I think we all just plug along and especially in the winter. Can't wait for SPRING!!!

Mikeg5162000 said...

Cindy - We are just about at the midpoint to spring. We can start to notice the sky a little lighter every day after work. So it's getting here. I always feel the transition really begins with the start of Lent. The bar is the bar. Always somewhere to go for a conversation. There is one special person in my life and I get to see him in the mirror every day. It's me. Thanks and hope you can start chewing again soon.