Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Welcome to my pity party.

Just need to start by saying thanks to Cindy for her comments on the prior post. I may just try what you say I should with the list thing. It is something I'd not thought of.
Okay .... last night I arrived home from work pretty much feeling sorry for myself. I'm in the real pity party mood. What is my best option since I don't really have any prospects? At about 8 PM I just called some of my friends not to talk about this but just to get my mind on other things. I called Lisa first to see if she will join me at the gym after work on Tuesday. I got voicemail. Then I called Janet She was home. We chatted about her weekend trip ... she was away this past weekend. Then we just talked about upcoming events and plans. My main objective was to make myself busy and active. I want something better to do than sit home feeling bad.
During the call Lisa called me. Thank God for caller ID and call waiting. I just popped over and said I would call back and then finished my conversation with Janet. I ended up talking to Janet for about 30 minutes. Then called Lisa back and we made a plan to meet at the gym tomorrow. Lisa has a boyfriend so it's not anything special but it gives me a reason to be out and at least have an adult conversation. She seemed busy but I kind of insisted on chatting for a bit. I really didn't want to be alone with my thoughts.
But then my cell phone beeps with a text ... from Coleen. I'm still talking to Lisa so I just look at it and it says "How was your day". I just kept talking to Lisa. I wanted to put it out of my mind but my whole thought process was derailed. Why is she suddenly interested in my day? Why doesn't she just call? What if I ignore just it? I couldn't if I tried.
I finished up talking to Lisa and it was now close to 9 PM. I knew I had to respond something. I still don't to let on how much I'm bothered so I just replied that "My day at was like always".
Coleen:"It was crazy today", she works in the medical office I just assumed she meant that.
My response:"flu shot time", Coleen:"I am not working right now. How about dinner tomorrow with me and Barbara". Yeah, can't be doing that. I considered saying just "NO" but that's just not me. I need to try to make it seem like I am oblivious. I am just not able to cut her off. My response was "I have plans. Next time okay?" All I got back was "Ok. Goodnight".
So what I hate about texting is I can't tell if she is effected at all. It's so rare that she initiated contact on a Monday and even more rare that she wanted to make a plan. Usually it's "Maybe" or "I'll be around". If I'm no longer going to pursue her I need to prepare myself for her eventually abandoning me. That's a bitter pill to swallow. I just don't want to feel this way anymore.

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