Sunday, May 11, 2008

Not so great a weekend but that's reality

I feel so stressed right now. It's going to be awhile before I get back to some kind of normal. It's not just the ex and her suicide, but it's for sure where things start. I really wish I coud turn away and never have to deal with all the shit that comes with that.

I was only at the hospital on Friday after work and for a little while this morning (Sunday). Friday night started with Brenda all worked up about her situation. To me it was a good sign that she was so fiesty, but I really don't enjoy beingthe target of her venom. But as time went on I could see her posture change.

Round about 7:30 I got a text from Coleen asking where I was.  It was good timing because I needed to make my get-away. I had decided I wanted to not be secretive about this anymore and I figured most everyone would be at the bar and I could tell everone all together and get it over with. It wasn't easy but I did it. It worked out reaqlly well because on Saturday we all were on the boat and I learned that we've all have had to deal with similar problems. Roberta's daughter was a cutter and spent some time in a hospitla psych ward. Coleen's mom has been in severe depression for over 9 years. Janet's husband has been treat for depression as have 2 of her 3 kids.It was like group therapy. And I really needed it because Brenda called me at home in the morning to complain some more.

After doing that I went to dinner at my brother's house. Almost the whole family was there so I took the opportunity to let them in on the situation. It wasn't easy because I wanted to wait until the evening was almost over so as not to ruin everyone else's good time. My family didn't say much. They've had years of crap from her so I guess they just want it to go away.

Sunday morning's visit to Brenda was short. I got there early and she looked so out of it. She complained about the hospital staff. Like I can do anything. But after an hour the doctors and orderlies came in so I waited a while and then left. I don't want to visit again for a few days. I had a conversation with the married couple that are in charge of her welfare. I can see that I'm making suggestions but I need to back off now. They want me involved I wait until I get a call.

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