Friday, May 30, 2008

In a dark place

I'm lost in thoughts that are diffecult to get a grip on. Last night was cocktails on the boat at the dock. I wanted to keep it some what simple. Just Janet, Roberta and Jami. For whatever reason I didn't really want Coleen there because she has been making me feel tense and I just wanted to relax. I also feel a certain amount of failure around her right now so I'd just as soon not have her around. I don't have anything specific to put my finger on either.

So we four opened some wine and were noshing on some cheese and crackers. It was a beautiful evening. There was barely a breeze and not a cloud anywhere. A couple of other boaters stopped by to say hello so I kept getting distracted. Funny thing is I've felt tense all week and even though I was determined to relax it just wasn't happening. Then my cell phone got a text message from Coleen so I inveted her down too.

So what should have been a good evening was just loaded with stress and I don't even know why. I thought with my barbeque over and my boat sitting quietly at the dock I would be able to enjoy things. Perhaps I need a day off from my friends.

Anyway Coleen came down and I got to relive the trouble I had docking the boat last Monday anyway. Then Coleen mentioned that she needs to return the boat shoes that I had gotten for her for a size smaller. That got Roberta breaking my chops that she doesn't have boat shoes. She just did it to make me squirm and it worked. Things are just getting more and more uncomfortable. The thought is occurring to me that I can back away from everything but last night that was impossible.

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