Friday, May 9, 2008

Dinner with a side of guilt.

I didn't see or talk to my ex-wife yesterday. I went to dinner with Coleen instead. It was very difficult to not mention what was going on but I think it would be better if I don't. I really needed a relief from all that stress. And it worked. I found myslef having a good time. And she called me.

Coleen was supposed to have dinner with the bf but he was involved with 10 other things so when it was past 7 and still no bf she called me up and told the bf she was going home. Then we met at the restaurant. So now I feel like the "other" man. I wish I knew if it was more about me than about the food. After dinner she and I walked to out cars and I asked her about Friday night. She said she may not make it to the bar but if she did she would only have one glass of wine. She was planning an evening with the bf.  When I insisted she needed to go she said "I'm trying to be in a relationship." She kind of said it tongue in cheek. We do have plans for Saturday.

So it was great to be able to get away from the Brenda situation, but now I'm feeling guilty. It's the oddest kind of guilt because it's not as if I was committed to anything else. I had already told my ex-wife I wouldn't make it so it's not as if I was expected to be there. I'm also allowed to have my own life, aren't I?  I just know that this is part of the co-dependent thing that had popped up before. I can't let myself believe that I have to become the care-giver for my ex-wife. Should i tell her where I am at or is it better to wait until she has some therapy?

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