Monday, January 31, 2011

Regrets but no apologies.

I'm going to try and dash this off before work starts. It was not my best weekend. I may have gone too far and trashed some friendships. It just seemed like I needed to say some things and since I didn't start the conversation I just went with it.
In order for this to make sense I need to back up a bit. Friday night I went out to the bar and even though Coleen said she was leaving early I had hoped she would be there. But I was there a little after 6 and she had just left. Oh well, I settled in for a night with friends and would not be out late so I could get to the gym early on Saturday. I had plans to see Lisa for coffee so I knew it would be an early night. Well, Janet rolled on a little after 9 and it was good to see her since I'd not seen or talked to her the weekend before. We made a plan to meet Roberta and have dinner Saturday. This was good since Coleen wasn't around I figured her to be a no-show for the weekend. She did mention how she missed me the last weekend but she had heard that I was out having fun with Coleen. I just let it go.
Saturday while at the gym Lisa texted me that she couldn't make it to Starbucks for coffee be we could do something later. I left a message that I'd be home all day. Or so I thought. At 12:30 I go a text. It was Coleen. We decided to meet for a drink... coffee but at the bar. Well... the coffee was gone and we switched to wine. She had just picked up the ashes from her dog. So she was crying a little about that and then she told me the story of how the box had the incorrect name on it and she wanted to be sure she really had the right dog. I tried to be supportive but I think she has a right to be upset. Probably the only thing about the process is the assurance you have about how they handled the remains of her beloved pet.
While in the middle of the story my phone rings and it's Lisa who was around the corner at my house. I told her where I was and she said she would be right there. She was there in 5 minutes. It was a very surreal moment. The 2 girls that I've spent the last 10 plus years obsessing over were sitting with me in an empty bar having drinks. Lisa recently got engaged so she showed us the ring. Coleen thinks very little of her choice of men which I find so ironic.
Fantasy: both Coleen and Lisa fighting over me. Reality: they both would prefer the other one get me. Once more I am left somewhat cold and alone.
Anyway Coleen didn't stay very long and said she had plans to see Tommy for dinner so I knew I was free to go out with Janet later. She did say I should call but I didn't. That left me and Lisa to hang out a while. She needed to go see her dad later so we just got a little caught up on things and I went home.
I only had about an hour before meeting up with the other 2 girls. I was picking them up in town and we would all go to the restaurant in my car. The plan was to go to a bar in town after so they had their cars there. Dinner was basic. No real drama occurred until after dinner when Roberta started in about my spending time Coleen the week before and not calling Janet. She was asking why I waste me time with someone who has not real interest in me. I had to admit that she was right but I also said it is what it is and I'm fine with it. It's not what I want but I still like her. Then she said somethings about her that just got my blood to boil ... calling her trailer park trash and how she has been with half of the town. She was all about how I never called Janet the week before. It then occurred to me that they had been talking about me. So I decided to turn the table a little bit. I said it's not like they have dates and are trying to find significant others. I was getting so upset I am having trouble remembering exactly what I said but somehow I mentioned that I knew about Janet and Bunky's little thing and Roberta's little secret booty calls and who are they to judge me.
Yes, I struggle and yes, I make some questionable decisions but don't come out to dinner with me once a month and pretend you are there for me more so then the people I have been hanging out with. That is was I wanted to say but I'm pretty just it came out different.
And I wasn't done either .... we did calm down enough to finish our drinks and Janet was probably not in the best shape to drive. Roberta asked me to check on how she does getting home. I said I would even though I really just wanted to go home and cry a little. I was upset but I didn't want them to know. So I drove toward her house and parked and saw her go in her driveway. Roberta drove by first and said thanks and I decided I needed one last word so I followed Roberta home and told Roberta how much I like Janet and I would love to be her guy but I know her feelings for me are not there. She said she doesn't know how Janet feels... I said she didn't have any trouble letting Bunky know and with that I left.
Was awake most of the night after that. I sat at home alone most of the day regretting the whole thing but also not willing to apologize for anything. I'm pretty sure I've trashed our friendship. I may just sit at home for the month of February and let everything stew.
It's been a while since I've gotten a comment. Any feedback would be appreciated.


Tara said...

Sounds like too much estrogen all around..... Ugh... So yeah, I'll agree with your comment over at my blog, you had drama :)

Mikeg5162000 said...

Thanks Tara, I waste way too much energy on these girls. Probably treat them too nice. I've tried other things but that just doesn't feel sincere. But that may change.

Cindy said...

Hi Mike - I'm glad you said all that you did. I think it was way past the time to be honest with Janet and Roberta and I also think you take a lot of crap from them. Just my opinion :) Honestly, I wish I had a crystal ball and could tell you exactly where all thisis going, but of course I don't. Sometimes I worry that you spend too much time on Colleen, but then again I can understand it too. We simply cannot help who we love - when that chemistry or connection is there, it's just there. I don't think you lost any friendships, but the girls might need some space to lick their wounds and really consider what you said and realize 'good ole Mike' has feelings and needs/wants too. I think you did alright!! And nothing's over till it's over.
Take Care, full steam ahead

Mikeg5162000 said...

Hi Cindy, there a blast from the past. Glad to see you are still around. I'm sure I haven't lost any friends but I am considering whether I should give them a shove out of my daily life. But I did hear from Janet yesterday. She isn't the problem as she was more or less a spectator. Problem is she was kind of backing up Roberta and I just want them to stop worrying about me and deal with their own issues. I think Tara said it best ... I have too much estrogen around.