Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Too Much Time On My Hands.

I have time to think. Way too much time to think. During the week I barely ever get to talk to anyone. That may be my choice. Sometimes that is how I want it. Other times, like last night, it is just how it is. I did get 2 phone calls, but they were support calls from work and no fun at all. I have very little positive feelings looking forward to the holidays. There is no likely changes and this is depressing me.
It's been 13 years since I had a girlfriend. That experience ended right after Thanksgiving in 1997. I went from my best love to no love and while I have had feelings for someone several times that has never been returned. Because I've had it before I feel like it has to happen again. But as I get older it seems like the possibility shrinks a little every day. Right now there no possibility of anything. Whoever might turn out to be special is someone who I have yet to meet. Which means I need to start considering how I can put myself in a position to meet new people.
I've worked fairly hard to eliminate anything that may serve to block any potential to love. And yet I grow more isolated. I really wonder how I can fix my situation. It just always seems so easy for others to connect. I find myself considering putting my name into cyberspace. What I'd really like to do is just join some kind of mixed group that do what I like to do and take it from there. While that hasn't worked for me in the last 12 years or so I have always felt I came away with positive feelings and people I can still call friends.
Question is what? I am afraid that if I do get into something it will push me into financial ruin again. I am tempted to just leave things along and just start accepting my solitary life. At least for the duration of winter.
Perhaps I am at a crossroads ... or perhaps I am travelling on the same road as always.

No comments: