Monday, November 1, 2010

Halloween 2010

Went out for Halloween in an Elvis costume. I'm sure you can tell from the picture.

It was fun. Reality was still different than expectations. I thought I would find myself mixing it up a bit and chatting with anyone who would talk to me. But let's go back to before the weekend.

Friday night had no real plan so I stayed home. Since I was going out on Saturday I thought I would just lay low. But then when i was home I got antsy and called Janet to see if she wanted to share dinner. But she had stopped into a place near work. She said she wasn't staying long and would call me when she was out the door. Two hours later she finally called. She sounded like she had a too much wine so I knew seeing her would not happen. So that was the end of my night. I went to bed early and was up and in the gym by 8:30. My workouts are becoming more intense and that can only be good.

My plan for the rest of the day was to help Lisa visit a adult assisted living home that may be the new home for her dad. But at the last minute she called and said she wouldn't be able to go.

So my weekend was slowing coming apart. I got to spend the rest of Saturday doing work around the house. Janet, Roberta and I were all going out for Halloween as Elvis and we had talked about starting from my house so I wanted to spiff it up a bit. They arrived at about 7 and we had pizza and got ready to go out. It has been too long for me to have people over and I was glad to entertain a little. I have been getting frustrated by that.
In fact when I had spoken to Janet the day before she was saying she wasn't even sure if she wanted to be at my house beforehand as she wanted to not have to deal with getting home from where I am. This bothered me since I live only a short distance from where we were going. I had the feeling she just doesn't like being in my house. I've worked very hard in the last year to put myself in a situation where I'm closer to friends and I can have people come to me now and then so it really ticked me off when she said that. But in the end she and Roberta came to my house but since I wasn't a for sure thing I didn't want to over plan. I never went and got any wine so they had to bring their own.
I really want a relationship with someone in my life I can make real plans with. I'm probably expecting too much but it seems like I see other people having that life and I'm jealous. And I hate feeling this way.
Lisa had said she would try to make it into the party but I knew she was likely a no show. I don't know what she did but she didn't make it out. She and her boyfriend are less and less visible. They do get out but it seems like it's always with his friends. I figure if they ever get married it will the last time I see Lisa in a social context. But I sort of understand that even though I'm sad over it.
The party was fun and I got to see Nancy who is a bit of a flake but she is fun and she makes me feel like I have something. I would really love to have a different place to go on the weekend and Nancy is an option. But she and her friends seem to see me as a bit of an outsider and I'm not sure if they would let me in.
So the night ended and I was home late ... alone like usual. But I had fun and got to dance so as Saturday's go it was better than most.
Sunday I spent planning my party that will happen in a couple of weeks. I committed to a guest list. I was waffling whether I should invite Coleen and some of the others that we share as friends. Inviting one means inviting all. But I decided I need to make it a party and just forget all the emotional crap I have been obsessing over. So I went into the bar and spoke to all the ones I needed to invite. It looks like I will have between 10 and 20 people for a party starting at 7 PM. I still don't know what I will serve but I should have that together by next weekend.

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