I don't know if I made a mess of things but I feel like I could have missed a golden opportunity. Last Friday I left work and went to the bar. I had spoken to Coleen so I knew she would be there. She had to seal some things at home but she eventually got there. I had some moments ... more feelings than actually substance. Just that occasional eye contact that made me feel like I could connect without words. But if something was happening it would need to wait.
My day on Saturday would take me away from spending more time with Coleen. I spent the day out on a fishing boat. I thought it would be good to re-set myself with a new activity. It was something Janet set up and I feel I need to strengthen that relationship if only so there will be someone there to pick me up when I fall. That is somewhat of a metaphor but Janet really is the most sincere friend I have and she seemed so disappointed that I didn't join her fishing trip last year I felt like I needed to make more of an effort when it comes to her.
Obviously Janet takes her fishing seriously. I really wish she could get into sailing but so far that doesn't really look like it will happen.
So my only contact with Coleen was a cell phone conversation before getting on the boat. She was not having a good day woman wise. Cramps and bathroom issues was going to keep her home most of the day. I mostly wished that she felt better but I was also thinking selfishly that she probably would be staying away from Mark most of the day. I keep thinking she going back to him with just one call.
After fishing I headed to my brother Barry's house where I met up with other brothers Brian and Sean and the four of us went to see a concert at Joens Beach. I'll get into that in another entry but I will say it was a good bonding experiance to be hanging out with my 3 brothers. I did send a text message to Coleen who said she felt better and was at the bar. At least she wasn't at Mark's.
So I woke up Sunday with out a plan. I got a call from Janet who wanted me to come down and hang out at the beach. I said I would get there for a little while. I wanted to reach out to Coleen and I actually looking at my phone to send a text message three times. I should have. She literally called me seconds after I got to the beach to tell me she was at the boat wondering where I was.When I told her I was at the beach I told her to come down. She never did show up. My attempts to reach her have gone unanswered.
Now I'm left to wonder where she went and why she hasn't called me back. I'm guessing when she couldn't find me on the boat she found herself reaching for Mark. The main reason I hesitated calling her in the first place was that her usual Sunday was to go see Mark and spend most of the day at his side. Now I feel like if I could have called her anyway it could have been a Sunday with me. At this time I don't know. I wish I could make plans with her.