Thursday, July 17, 2008

Past, Present and Future ... different or the same?

Last night was a quiet night. There will be no stories of love and lust today. I did have not one but two phone conversations with Coleen, both of them initiated by her. Such little tiny steps.... I mean we've gone from having a short conversation once a week to random text messages to now we have multiple daily phone calls. This is over the last six or seven months. That's just too slow. In all my past "successful" relationships the thing would happen in about three weeks. I feel like I entered into the "friend-zone" and there is no way I can get out. It will take a huge kind of leap on my part.

Enough about that .... I keep thinking to how I always look back in time using music and baseball to remember what year things occurred. For example I remember the summer of 1969 so vividly because there was the Miracle Mets and Sweet Carolina, and Cash's My Name is Sue and CCR's Proud Mary. I also remember we moved in July and leaving all my friends and being lonely for I didn't make new friends so easily.

Everytime I hear a Ramones song I remember the late seventies and being in college and working part-time at the grocery store. If I hear Paul McCartney or Paul Simon it reminds me of going to Jones Beach with Win. I was so in love with her, but much like the usual pattern I never got past being friends with her. As the Beatles' song goes..."People and friends that went before..."  are all tangled up in the soundtrack to my life and then I look up old baseball statistics online and I also think who I was around back in those days. The Mets won in 1986 I was dating Brenda but really liked Karen. I ended up getting married and divorced to Brenda. Karen got married and started a family and disappeared from my life.   

Where am I going with this? Just that the dynamic continues and it would be so great if just once I could find myself able to step outside the box. I am going to keep thinking about that. Unfortunately actions are so much more difficult than thinking about it.

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