Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Year in Review

So many things happened this year. As always life was a roller coaster but I must say the good things outweighed the bad.
I guess the first thing I should mention is 2010 will always be remembered as the year my dad died. He was more than just my dad. He was my mentor, best friend and I will miss him terribly. He also taught me the you need to life life and not dwell on things that you can't change. So no matter what I will keep looking forward and believe that better things are right around the corner.
My other big event is buying a home that is truly mine. No longer will I ever have to feel that there is a chance I can find myself evicted on the whim of what ever a landlord decides. I am my own master. It took way too long. I find myself in the best possible position since before I was married.
I remember buying my own house more than 20 years ago and feeling proud that I could be owner of something so special. I thought I would live there forever. But that dream died with my failed marriage and I believed I could recover and rebuild but I always figured I would do it in the context of a relationship. Now I'm well over 50 and I need to concede that the time of having a wife and family are past and I need to embrace this next phase of my life. I have just a dozen working years left and I feel well situated to bridge those years in a place that is mine.
I have single friends who share the same fate as me and we all can rely on each other no matter what comes next. So even in my loneliness I am not alone. The people in the picture are myself, Tony, Chris and Coleen. Coleen called us her "man-tourage" which even though she said it with humor I still felt hurt. But it what I am and I need to recognize what my role is and make something happen somewhere else. This past year I've spent way too much energy on things that I'll never fix.
I did plenty on my boat in 2010 and I ended my season on a high note. I still didn't take any trips and haven't done any overnights in 2 years but I am making plans to change that next year. I have much to look forward to. I'm tired of waiting for a partner to join me. I'll go it alone now that I have an autohelm.
Just because I haven't found love doesn't mean I'm not going to feel complete. My resolution for next year is to keep doing things differently and stay focused on what ever is ahead. Watch me fly.

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