I want to write something significant but I'm not sure if I can make anything coherent out of today's thoughts. I never did watch any football yesterday. Instead I spent the day with Janet at her house. We put ornaments on her tree and she cooked dinner.
We shared some beer and then some wine and we talked and talked. We got into some personal things that I never expected we would talk about. Things started with me and how I am trying real hard to find someone special in my life. Then at some point we talked about her and what her issues are. Seems she hasn't really been open to anyone in quite a while. She only seems attracted to men who are much younger than she is. She also mentioned something about waiting out someone who is married. I don't know if it was the smart thing to do but I never asked her to name names or any details. It was probably the drinks but it was interesting to see her open up about where she is going with her life.
One of the things that we seem to have a constant topic about is how she feels that she expects never to retire and will work well into her 70's. That's pretty far away but not so far she shouldn't be preparing for it. I am at least thinking about my retirement although there are more than 10 years of work before that day comes. From there she talks about how she expects to always be on her own with no thought of a man to spend her life with. This always shocks me since I know she is attractive and probably has been approached by men all the time. She says she can see me with someone before she can picture it for herself. She also adds the caveat that it would never be us together. Then she says she could see how she could have a man spend the day with her just like we were doing.
Like I said ... we were into maybe our third glass of wine so it became a very odd talk from that point on. I went on and on about how I have to find some romance somewhere and I was now willing to put my heart on the line. She was saying I have taken all the steps I need to and now I need to just let things happen a little.
So I left her house at about 9 PM and still wondering what to feel. We don't have that thing but we can sit together all weekend and it's very comfortable. I was really glad to have not gone into the bar all weekend but wonder if spending time with Janet is really so great either. There was a point when I first got there where I wanted to only stay an hour and then never made an excuse to leave. It's odd that she wants me there but doesn't want me.
This weekend there was no Coleen at all ... she typically sends me a text just to say hi and to see if I'd come out to watch the football game. But she never did. I was home and wondered about that so I go and send her on at about 9:30. There was no response. I'm trying not to over analyze this but my little brain can't seem to help it. I wonder if she talked to someone and now I am on her shit list. Which may not be such a bad thing. It would certainly be easy to push her out of the picture if she wasn't constant calling me.
It's Monday and that's pretty much it for the day.