Monday, February 13, 2012

Swing and a miss

I don't know what's wrong with me. All I felt like doing this weekend was sit inside and vegitate. I did see Carolyn on Friday night and she made a nice dinner. There was a really long slow kiss good night too. But I felt nothing. Suddenly I can't seem to hold any interest in Carolyn. And I really dropped the ball too because Carolyn wanted to plan a day out this weekend and I just couldn't do it.
You wonder why? It's Lisa. Gad dam Lisa, who I can't seem to get over. It's going on 10+ years and I still feel this way. I saw her Saturday morning st the gym and while at coffee afterwards she told me she is close to making her next step to move into a place away from her BF. Or ex-BF. Since Monday is her birthday I guessed she was planning at least to try and share a celebratory dinner with him. I knew she was planning to see her family on Sunday so I just figured I would not see her again. But I was home and just couldn't call Carolyn. I just wanted to stay around the house and chill all day.
So didn't get a call from any one so at 6 I went up to the bar and had a drink. I saw Coleen there and said hello. She wanted me to plan to go have dinner with her at our favorite Indian restaurant. But again I'm just not that interested any more. I have so many better options than her. While I was there I got a call from Lisa on the cell. She was upset and in tears. Yikes. Apparently the BF came home late and was not interested in anything special for Lisa's birthday. It's odd that she still thinks like that but in her mind she still has minimal expectations. And one of them is to have a dinner with the guy who she still discribes as her boyfriend.
She made a suggestion to have dinner with me. Of course I said I would. But she was still trying to figure out what she could do and it felt to me like there was a going to be an emotional discussion between them. I told her I was about to head home and she should call me later.
After about an hour I didn't hear from Lisa so I figured she and BF were having their dinner. I had a leftover pork chop ready to heat and eat. Just as I finished the phone rang and it was Lisa saying she wanted me to meet her at a restaurant for dinner. Yeah. I ate 2 dinners on Saturday night.
She was very quiet at first but at some point we started talking about books and movies and she started to feel more like herself. And with that I started to tell her more about how I feel. To make a long story short I asked her to come home with me and spend the night. She knew better than I that would not be the best thing for her. So that didn't happen. But it didn't feel like it was impossible either.
Sunday was me thinking about things. I just couldn't call Carolyn while all this is spinning in my head. I can't seem to get either one of them to move towards me anyway. At least I'm trying.

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