Dinner plans

Apparently I was supposed to call Coleen to set up dinner plans for tonight. I never called. She called me last night and I'd made a plan to have Lisa over for dinner so like an idiot I asked if she would like to come too. She didn't say no. So I may be having 2 guests for dinner. I haven't mentioned it to Lisa yet. I have doubts that Coleen will actually make it.

I'm feeling very odd about my feelings for Coleen since Sunday. I really want her to like me and she does make me feel special when around her. But it seemed so easy for her to turn to mush when Mark walks into her life. I know exactly how that feels. I've done that myself countless times. I want to put some distance between me and her so that I can gain some perspective. Every time I try that I get sucked in more and more.

In my head I see myself making a pass at her. Just reach for her and plant a kiss on her. I feel like if I talk about it she will just run away. The thing is I'm just not sure enough of myself. I mostly expect her to resist. But even if she doesn't I can't really count on my own ability. I've shut down my libido so long I don't even know if my body will react like I want it to. I am over 50. It may take me a long time to wake things up again. There... I've said it. Maybe too much honesty.