It's Friday morning and once again I head into the weekend with hopes and anticipation. This weekend Lisa is out and Janet is in. We've been emailing back and forth this morning. Dinner at the favorite Italian restaurant tonight and maybe dinner at her house again tomorrow. For the first time since I met Janet I have some money in my pocket. I have a present for her that I'm not sure how to give to her. Then we have dinner planned for Christmas. Are these dates or not?
Lisa was sending me text messages and emails all week but I am really not feeling anything anymore. I still love her with all my soul but what I get back no longer has any potential. So I want to focus my time and energy on something that might... of course even that possibility is remote.
I was thinking on the train as I always do. It's become so hard to imagine having a girlfriend I can no longer even picture it. How do I seduce someone? Do I take the inititive or just follow their lead? Sometimes I think I should sleep with my ex-wife just so I can gain some confidence. Of course that would be wrong in so many ways. I went to see her last night and she cried about her dad again. She seems so lonely right now. If I fall into that trap I'll carry the guilt for a very long time. I swear to God if I don't have some intimacy soon I'm going to give up. I'll never give up.
Earlier this week I made a call to Tracy. You might remember Tracy had knee surgury right after our one and only date. She is so devistated she would see or call me. But now she is back at work even though her knee is still causing her severe pain. It was good to hear her. She seems in good spirits. We chatted for almost half an hour. Her knee however limits her social availability. Probably not going to see her for a while.
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