I woke up on Valentine's Day early ... At 4 AM I just couldn't get back to sleep. I stayed in bed in a semi-conscious state until about 7 AM when i finally just got up, made coffee, and read the Sunday paper. I had a busy morning planned. I needed to go to my sister's and feed her pets and then I was meeting a realtor to see some co-op apartments. I was feeling very down about how my life is right now. I felt my friends don't really get me anymore, my family were all away, and the one person I want to hear from is starting a new relationship. I keep coming back to the thought that everyone will find love and it will never be me. I was not in a good place.
But then my whole day turned around. I got to my sister's and while there I started a load of laundry and relaxed and read the Times. Gradually I started to feel more optimistic. I met the realtor right on time and we had 4 units scheduled. The first two were not really what I had in mind, but then I saw what I hope will be home.
It has 2 bedrooms so I can set up an office. The kitchen is new. There is wall to wall carpeting throughout. The only problem is the bathroom looks a little shabby. But best of all the price is right about what I can do. I'm hoping to make 22 my new lucky number. That is the number of the address. I've already given it a name ... "Evening Shade" since the views are south, east and north so I get all shade in the evening. I'm already getting emotionally attached. I know that's is the worst thing to do. But I can't help it ... I want to be the optimist.
So I saw the last unit and told the realtor to make and offer on the one I liked. Still waiting but I think it will work out. I went back to my sister's to fold the laundry and called mom and told her the news. We spoke about my dad and while it is disturbing to hear about how he is withering away. But I am going for a visit and he will likely still be good by then so I can see all the upside of things.
I had a quiet evening at home. At around 5 PM my cell phone rang with the special ring I hadn't heard in a long time. It was Coleen. She wanted to know how things with dad was... it made me feel good that she still cares even when she is moving in a new direction. I hate that I need a tragedy to maintain contact. I liked hearing from her. Please don't let me use emotional distress as a tool. We spoke for a few minutes and she did mention she was having dinner with a "friend" who I knew was Jimmy. I just let it go. I miss her being my friend more than the hope of something more. So I'm processing that.
Then later Janet called and we had a much more extensive conversation. She hadn't done much that day either. We talked about my buying the co-op. And about my dad. It was good to chat. I didn't mention anything Coleen's earlier call. I am hoping to just leave it alone.