I was digging around some old boxes trying to clean a little and found this old box of 45s that I think were Jenny's. But I noticed a 30 year old letter at the bottom of the box from the first girl I ever really loved. I don't know why I saved it but I had to read it. I decided to type it into this ...
My Dear Babe,
This has got to be a quickie, since I must get back to my studying. I went to a bio review session tonight and there's so much I don't know. Scares the hell out of me, but I had to write to you even if only a little.
Thank you so much for coming this weekend. Maybe things didn't turn out exactly as planned but I had a wonderful time, and ... I love you so much. You make me feel so much like a spoiled child (which, I guess, I am) the way you pamper me and buy me things and smother me with love and attention. Sometimes I really feel that I'm not giving you enough and I feel terrible about it, but - I only have so much to give. You're so wonderful about it though. I miss you already, Baby. When are you coming back?
I don't feel let down about your leaving. I just have a very warm rosy glow inside of me. I keep feeling your body against mine and it gives me such comfort like nothing can get me, even though this bio test is going to. I'll write a good letter by Thursday - after the test is over. I love you very much. - S
This was dated a few days after my one and only visit to her while she was attending college. I was going to school near home and working full time. It would be a month before I would see her again and that was when she told me she wanted to see someone else. But I read this letter and it makes me realize how I was once loved and adored by someone who I felt the same way about. No one ever has written a letter to me like this. I mean it sounds like she really loved me when she wrote it. And then it slipped away. Did I even appreciate it then as much as I do now?
We stayed in contact and even had a few dates a couple of years later that included one great make-out session that could have gone farther but I stopped it because I didn't want to say goodbye twice. We drifted apart and eventually lost contact for years and years ... I google her every now and then and we even exchanged emails but she is no longer the girl who wrote the letter so I'm not interested in what her life is anymore.
But it does give me comfort that at one time in my life I loved someone who felt what I felt. I also still believe it can happen again. Maybe it won't but it is certainly possible.