Sunday, February 14, 2010

Saturday birthday party for Lisa

Yesterday was all about Lisa's birthday. It was a good time if not a little stressful. I volunteered to do the decorations and Janet helped. Because of Janet they came out great. So the night was fun. The stress came from the friends that I've grown a little more than tired of.

It seems they have this idea that they know what is best for me and I need to be scolded. But this was Lisa's party and I wasn't going to make too much of an issue. But I was struggling with how things were going with them as they were very standoff-ish.
I'm still not 100% sure what their agenda is anymore. Judy, the one on the left, has not had a nice word to say to me in years. I am so sick of it and that attitude must be rubbing off on the other three. I'm to a point I don't want to be in the same room with her. Roberta I rarely see anymore. She was the one who for what aver reason got between me and Coleen like I needed to be saved or something. Jami's deal is that she likes me just a little more than I'm comfortable. You would think in my loneliness I would feel good but she is not someone I could ever be with.
And then there is Janet. She is so beautiful and such a good friend and there was a time when I really wanted to get close to her. But over time I got over that. I keep wanting there to be something because she is so good but she has never given me the feeling that she wants me any closer than what we currently are. She rejects anything that resembles a date. Franmkly I'm fine with that.
So that was the party. I really wanted to have a fun time but I was just grumpy through the whole thing. It didn't help that I'd spoken to family in Florida and things with my dad were weighing heavily on my mind. Janet also dropped the bomb that Coleen and Jimmy were planning a Valentine dinner which I had to process without saying anything. The end of the naight came and Lisa did really enjoy herself on her birthday so I was pleased by that even as I struggled with my own little drama.
I didn't stay too late but most had left by about 10. I left at 11PM and when I got home I went right to bed. I feel asleep but then awoke at arounf 4 AM and couldn't get back to sleep. So thoughts are going in so many directions. I am sowing getting a handle on things but sleep will be tough for a while.

No comments: