I had a lot of time to myself last night. Not really sure if that is a good thing or bad. I found myself thinking about how I kind of told Lisa I still have hopes for her, which I'm sure she is reacting to by pretty much putting some space between us. While I've always known she will never look to me for anything sexual I will never be able to understand why she needs me to be so close to her all the time. I don't think this is the reason but I often wonder if that is keeping me from getting close to someone who will see me in that light. I haven't had any affection in so long it's scary. The prospect of one day having that is all I have left.
I guess this will be a short post today. There isn't much more I can say. Things get better a little each day. I feel connected to so many people but then I'm alone so much. Maybe somewhere deep inside that is how I want it. But I long to be touched. What I wouldn't give just to have someone hold my hand.
In closing I'd just like to add a thank you to those who commented in my prior posts. It might not seem like much but it does feel good knowing there are people who care enough to give me words of encouragement.